Grounded [Cryptails #1] *trigger warning
James Jessica Jaeger loved his middle name. His parents had promised his grandmother that they would honor the family tradition and name him after a living relative. Then his grandpa died.
He loved it. It made him feel closer to her. James James Jaeger would have made people think he was stuttering. He always used his full name when he introduced himself. He wanted people to know he was proud, and he wanted to excise from his life any of the people who were going to behave childishly about it.
James lived alone with his furniture. He loved his furniture. It was all inherited from the time before the hardfork. No one bothered anymore with chairs, since they all had the money for personal anti-grav belts. He loved sitting. People didn't sit any more. He told people when he met them that he didn't own an anti-grav belt. He wanted people to know he was a Luddite, and he wanted to excise from his life any of the people who were going to behave childishly about it.
James walked to the park. High above him, everybody was swooping. There was no joy on their faces. They just swooped. He bent down and dug in the dirt. The smell of soil filled his nostrils. He uprooted potatoes he had planted there just a few months earlier. No one cared about his potatoes. He felt very lonely, but when he looked up in the sky and saw them joylessly diving and tumbling, he shook his head. He packed up his potatoes and went home.
It was a cool, crisp autumn evening, and as he walked with his satchel of potatoes, trying to catch a glimpse of sky amongst the swooping people, he saw a face he hadn't seen in a very long time.
"Dad?"
"Hey kiddo!" James' dad swooped down.
"Dad, I haven't seen you in three years!" James burst into tears.
"Has it been that long? Your mother and I went to the Himalayas. It was cold there, though, so we only spent a couple minutes at the peak of Everest. Then we spent a few months at Heaven. It's just clouds, really, but they serve great mai-tais." James' dad's face was impassive, watching his son cry. "Are you sad, kiddo? You know that your mother and I are happy to get you an anti-grav belt any time. Top of the line."
"No dad, these are tears of joy. I missed you. I've been lonely."
"Huh. Well, gotta run. We're going to dodge cannonballs at The Arena. See you around." James' dad flew off into the sun-eclipsing crush of swooping humanity.
"Wait, Dad!" James bellowed, "Let me make you dinner!"
James' father was gone. James stood in the street with his potatoes and stared. He shook his head.
Five months later, he buckled it on. James didn't feel the ground beneath his feet. The sky was as attainable as the floor. He rose. He rose above the crush of sun-blackening humanity. He passed the clouds. He flew towards the sun.
He unbuckled his belt.
Hi @improv. Thank you for your entry. I like your username. Heh.
This was one of the shortest stories in this contest, but also one of the strongest contestants. It has technology, it is well written, the pacing is on point, and the tension-curve took me on a very enjoyable and concise ride. The emotional argument was clear and powerful, and the characters you get to know are crystal-clear in terms of their roles and wishes. It was a very interesting
On the other hand, the horror aspect could have been stronger. The story was emotionally powerful, but it didn’t evoke a particularly strong feeling of fear in me. I wouldn’t say the story needs or would even benefit from more ‘horror’, but it was part of the contest’s call, so that’s why I’m mentioning it. I also felt like the ‘name’ angle could have been given greater protagonism in the story, since it was inherently interesting and it would have been nice to see it take a more prominent role
Other than that, this was a great flash-fiction work! And props for the trigger warning.
Thanks for your feedback! I look forward to more of these.
I'm really glad you decided to hop in, improv! Your story has been officially entered into Criptails #1.
We will provide feedback, along with the results of the contest, during the following days.
Best of lucks!
Jean
Thanks!