Dilemma date

Just like every Saturday night, my husband and I went out for our weekly date, leaving behind the kids with their respective caregivers. Jayden was with his aunt. Jansen was at home with the caregiver that we had trained to cater to his medical needs.

Which one?

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As usual, there is always a dilemma within me as a mother. One part of me wanted to hang out with my husband. Another part of me desperately wanted to stay at home to cuddle with kids. It is true when children come along, they steal my heart away from their father's. Yesterday night's dilemma was the most intense, I miss my 2nd son dearly. If you know me longer, he has a condition and he needs special care. He has been going through some rough days recently, not able to eat well due to alot of gagging, hence we top up with tube-feed to ensure he has enough calorie. No doubt, I was worried. So I was reluctant to leave home. I knew my heart would not be there with my husband despite my presence. Don't worry, if my husband reads this post of mine, he will be fine. He is a secure man.

It is time to go

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My husband arrived home, getting ready to bring me out for a date. And it was time for me to say bye-bye to Jansen. I was battling inside, wanted to cancel our date. However, I went out with my husband anyway, for the fact it was the only night in a week we got to catch up and re-create some spark. Marriage indeed is a commitment, and we vowed to each other to never let our love dwindle. Pondering on this, I let go my heart, said goodbye to dear son and off we went.

Quiet couple

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We were rather quiet. Only a few exchange of questions to break the silence. "What do you feel like eating?". "Do you want to watch movie after dinner?" He was smart enough to sense I was not alright, hence the lesser words. We reached the mall, bought our movie ticket, then continue to walk around for 15 minutes, still undecisive where should we go for dinner. I started to feel famish, and told him I wouldn't walk further. We ended up at a restaurant called Grellas, because it was right in front of us at the point of me being a little impatient. Grellas serves grilled western food, burgers and pasta.

My Hawaiian Grilled Chicken with butter rice

His Grilled Lamb Chop with mashed potato

What caught my attention there were the many photo frames with meaningful quotes. Please spare me some of your attention and time to browse through each of them.

I would deem myself as a dumb if these quotes did not ignite some senses to my soul. Thank God they did prick me. And I was woken up from dilemma zone to usual jovial reasonable me. I took few seconds to glare at him without him knowing. His fagged countenance showed how much hard work and sacrifice he had done for the family. I love this man so much, how could I kept myself aloof from him for almost one hour? Guilt-ridden, I started some conversation like "How's your lamb chop?", "How's the mashed potato?". We could not talk much by then because we had to rush for the movie. Gobbled up our food, we headed off to cinema to watch "Commuter" by Liam Neeson.

It was a nice show. Even more meaningful because I watched it with the love of my life. Many times, familiarity does breed complacency. We could diregard the feeling of our loved ones just because we know they will accept us as we are. We easily take them for granted as if they owe us something, as if they are responsible and are obligated to cheer us up when we are down. Yes, by all means they should because of love. But it is our duty to be responsible of how we feel, and don't let our unsettled cranky mood rub off on others.

All is well

We ended the night with high note as deep inside me, I was quietly reminiscing all the good memories we had, not forgetting some bad ones when we quarreled. Ups and downs are part and parcel of marriage. And the outcome of these, hopefully, will be a couple with resilience to go far, committed to each other in love and adversity, till death do us apart.

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Movie ended at 12am. Upon reaching home, I went into Jansen's room to have a peek of his cute face. Just when I was about to sleep, he was in his sharing mode. I pinned my eyes up so that I looked alert for him. Cryptocurrency, mining rigs, blockchain, church, future, the lists go on.....all he would have shared during dinner had I been alright. Time flies, 3am, zzzzzz.

A reminder to self: I know your job as a mother is noble, and every moments with children are worth spending, but without your husband, there will be no children. So don't forget about your husband. Enough said.

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