Happy Punday!

I just realized I do this on Mondays. Can we start Monday Punday as a thing?

The entries!

As you can see here, we had a bunch of 11th hour entries, and that makes me glad. It ALMOST makes me want to choose one of them just to encourage their further participation, but I have too much of my identity wrapped up in being a fair judge of puns for that. I appreciate your entries. I think you're dang fine punsters, but only one can win.

The winner

As always, everybody wins, because

• Puns are funs
• I upvoted everyone's puns
  But only one is declared "the winner" and gets to send me a link to get upvoted. This week that winner is @doctorcrypto
  

But why?

I hear you cry.
It's complicated. I mean, for my brain. As in, it takes different meanings for both drive and range and combines them into a third meaning that's a thing.
Also, an honorable mention goes to @stinawog for

I cannot keep a secret. This is my wife, and she has an unfair advantage because she knows exactly my sense of humor. That's why she didn't win. Perhaps she will win in the future, but I cannot award this first pun the win because, EVEN THOUGH she not only wrapped in a unique pun with a funny image of our buddy Vinnie getting a pedicure, I have to acknowledge that "driving range" is more to the tastes of the popular imagination, and this is why neither of us is a successful stand-up... yet. Perhaps we will persuade the rest of the nation that these stories are the funniest. Gosh, I'm almost talking myself out of this ruling.
But NO. Let it not be said that the Pun Judge is nepotistic.

I rest my case.

But, my love, I hope you keep punning with us.
I also appreciate the sheer volume of @paul.atreides' puns, and they're good ones. If the award were for overall quantity of laughs, he'd win it hands down. And big shoutout to our final contestant for sneaking one in under the wire, @themadgoat! Glad you're with us!

On to this week's!

Like this, "When the little mom and pop podium company was being driven out of business by Wal-podium, the international podium mega-conglomerate, Jessie the activist knew she needed to take a stand."

That's not funny, is it?

• sure it is
• because activists are always finding something to stand up for
• because a podium can also be called a stand
• and if they're going out of business, they're probably on sale
• sometimes activists stand behind podiums when they're making a stand
• even though they aren't carpenters...

I'm confusing even myself. I have faith in you, though. You can make good "stand" puns.

Go for IT!