Puns and PRIZES! Learn to pun! Easy, fun, anybody can! Be a hit at parties!

in contest •  2 years ago 

The most common questions I don't get asked are about punning.

  • People are always never telling me I wish I could pun, but I don't know how to get started.

Every day, dozens of people don't ask me, "How can I be better at punning?"

It seems impossible, right?

But

I can teach you how to pun in just 12 easy steps.

Then we'll have a contest, and whoever puns the best will win a 100% upvote from me (currently worth approx. $0.02).

And the best part is: you don't have to upvote or resteem or follow or do anything except make a pun! Seems easy, right?

IT IS.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, how does one pun? Simple. Think of something you want to pun about. Ask your wife, husband, or dog to give you a random word. If you don't have one of those, get a cat. If you're allergic to cats, go outside and ask a tree. If you live in a treeless desert, like Antarctica, then ask one of your fellow scientists at the research station.

My dog said, "Whine whine whine whine whine." this might have been because of the premature fireworks (IT'S IN A WEEK, NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS! #getoffmylawn), but we'll assume he was sincerely offering that as a suggestion.

Step one complete!

Step TWO

Think of all the tangential related things that there are to your subject. (Yes, we'll circle back to the homophone "wine", but please be patient.)
Whine:

  1. Kids
  2. Crying
  3. Needy
  4. Annoying
  5. Dogs

You'll think of more.

Step THREE

Think of all the exact or near-homophones that relate to your new words.

  1. Kids
    1a. Goats
    1b. Joking or "kidding"
    1c. Keds
  2. ...etc

Step FOUR

Connect the dots with an old joke format (advanced: make up a new one)

  1. Why were the baby goats always drunk? Because kids are always WINE-ing.

Step FIVE

This is the most important step. Say "BADA - BING, you been punned!"

Step SIX

Explain to the audience why the joke is funny and they're dumb for not laughing.

  1. No, see, because baby goats are called "kids", but baby humans whine a lot, but "wine" is also an alcohol, and while "wine-ing" isn't technically a word, we can imply its meaning with context. "Wine-ing" in this context means "drinking wine". So the kids would be drunk, see?

It is best if the explanation lasts longer than the time it takes for them to stop booing.

Step SEVEN

No, that's it. You're done. You punned. You could do another one if you want.

Step EIGHT

Stop it. I told you, there are no more steps. Just because I promised 12 steps, doesn't mean we need to actually use 12 steps.

Step NINE

I guess we're doing this. Just skip whatever follows this until you get to the bottom and you can see the contest rules.

Step TEN

Yes, we get it. Ha Ha.

Step Eleven

Almost there.

Step Eleven and a Half

NO. NO. That is cheating. One hundred percent cheating. I'm

...

Is that it? You're leaving me short of 12? Ok. Fine.

And now for the cont-

Step Twelve

We're done.

Contest Rules

Your Suggestion is...
basketball.JPG
Basketball

Using any setup, including this example setup, "Hey Waiter, there's a basketball in my soup", deliver any punny punchline, but not this one, "Yeah, well, last time you paid your tab, your check BOUNCED."

The most upvoted pun will received the aforementioned prize. Several others will also.

PRIZES

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
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"Hey Waiter, there's a basketball in my soup..."

"That's because you're always dribbling!"

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Yes! Eat the soup with more care, sir, or we will put a pun in it!

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Congrats on your GENTLEBOT upvote!

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heey @improv ,

here we go with your 1 sbd upvoting, and resteem :D.
because my steempower is a bit low atm it's gonna take a few vote's but you gonna get for what you came for :)

If you got the amount could you reply on my post that I made it?
would be some extra positive advertising ;)

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And congrats on YOUR gentlebot upvote. You doubled your income!

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I will as soon as it gets there! Woohoo!

Sounds like pun!

Who's the hottest basketball player right now? Kelvin Durant

It's funny because it's true.

Oh, Stephen Curry. Also on fire! No? Me neither.

I will stop now.

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Never stop. Never surrender! HAHAHA!

AHAHA! Too funny punny, dude! I like how you outlined the steps. I've explained that the funniest jokes are the ones that need to be over-explained recently as well haha! Since it was stated by two literary scholars in a short amount of time without consulting each other, then you know it's true.

As for my entry, I'm not really good at puns but I'll give it ... a shot (AHHHHHHH ;) get it? Because you required a basketball, and when the ball goes into the hoop it's called a ... yeah, you get it :) )


Why are missed basketball shots almost always never end up being "the one?" Because they're just rebounds

(I know, I know ... It was way funnier in my head)

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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

My smile is toothy, and that's the tooth (Which sounds like "truth", see it's funny because...). Just read (pronounced "red") chapter two. Kudos on your trail support!

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That was from way way back. I haven't had any support in the back half of the story, especially when I was recruited to be a curator for fiction trail a few months back haha I discovered that having constant supporters you regularly interact with is better than a hundred blind voters.

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For sure. And I've been glad to get to know you on here!

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Likewise, brother! Always great to converse with a person with a fine sense of humor :D

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:)

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@gentlebot all over this comments section!

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Haha I don't even know what that is, but as long as he isn't one of those flagging bots, it's alright in my book!

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Its statement of creation says it upvotes only comments, and that it chooses what it thinks are the most well-liked kinds comments based on its algorithm.

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Seriously? So all my essay-length comments aren't particularly well-liked?? Then what have I been spending half of my life on!?

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But some of them ARE! That's the take-away here.

Congratulations @improv! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

Award for the number of comments

Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honnor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here

If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

By upvoting this notification, you can help all Steemit users. Learn how here!

and what is punning?

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  ·  2 years ago (edited)

Punning is the only way to impress smart people and children.

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hmmm why the connection smart people and childeren what do they have incommon? XD

how do you like my votes?

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I thank you for your votes, smappy. It'll be a week, though, before Steemvp registers the value of them. But I'll comment on your post that you're certainly doing an honest job of voting!

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:D like I mentioned before I'm a true democrat :P

I'll have some of what you're on, lol.

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I'm happy to share!

Why did this thought train not get any up votes?
Because someone forgot to Steam it.

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But... BASKETBALL.

Super fun stuff homie. sharing this on steemit.chat and @steemtrail.
https://discord.gg/uwjBaHb to say hello to stemtrial
https://discord.gg/DwqzJ6q to say hello to @steemspeak. bot recommended.
i will finally be launching the @improv-trail into action. how long is this contest going? It would be nice to have run through the weekend.
so much more to share. message me any questions in facebook. but your hustle will start paying off even more so over time.
there's also @minnowsupport. i think that is their name. and i think this is their discord https://discord.gg/Kn7XF6z
there's also Whaleshares which is like a Pay to Play thing like when Facebook asks you to pay them money for exposure. Some people love it. I don't know much. You can ask around here I think: https://discord.gg/XVYHFyZ
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It can be overwhelming. So do what you can. But the Improv Trail is about to launch so you can leave a link to your post: https://discord.gg/nepMZV6 or at least just tag it with #improv and we'll be able to start promoting more improv. thank you @IMPROV!

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  ·  2 years ago (edited)

I have become aware that discord is too much for me. I am happy and glad for things to be shared there, but all my steemit time is being spent on steemit itself. I tried discord for a while, and steemit.chat is good for me. Oh, but discord. Discord is overwhelming. I figured the contest would run for one full week. I'll announce a winner on Tuesday and do a bunch of upvoting then! I'm currently charging from a day of upvoting. I can't wait until I'm big enough to have a slider. I can only vote about 10 times a day now. It's not enough!

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JUST Saw this. Was hunting down the info i just posted. BUT I completely and totally understand the overwhelming aspect thing. If you have the time to review the stuff that is cool. If not, no worries. I will be in touch via the Facebook Group on how we can help the Improv-Trail in general.
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I agree with keeping it all on steemit. The steemtrail group, after some 3rd party set up, is focussed on steemtrail. The whaleshares thing confuses me cause it sounds like pay to play. But i respect you keeping it on steemit for now.
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Will send more simple info soon friend!

  ·  2 years ago (edited)

Got something else for you. Mentioned you in this comment thread here. Gotta get you set up with a bitshares openledger account to get you rolling on @Steemtrail.
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Info on getting started with Steemtrail
Info on what Trail Coin is
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https://streemian.com/

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I had an imaginary friend who was a locomotive. But when I grew up I lost my train of thought.

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Excellent, but... basketball.

my girlfriend is planning a party in her mouth and she just asked me if i wanted to cum

an asian friend of mine sadly died last week... So Yung

Kusursuz cinayet yoktur kusursuza yakın olanlar vardır..

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Well, that's a very creepy thing to say to a stranger.

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lol