Contest: Tell Me Funny Lies Ladies Tell About How They Lost Their Virginity

in contest •  last year 

Hello @ewuoso here. Hope you are having fun?

I was having a discussion with my friends sometime ago and we were talking about sex. One of my friends talked about his past relationships.

IMG_20180406_192455_196.jpg
Source

He talked about a particular girl he dated that refused him sex for a long time. He said the girl claimed to be a virgin. After having sex with the girl he discovered that the girl was not actually a virgin.

What he said hit us hard and we laughed hard till the extent that one of us shit his pants.

He said and i quote

the girl said i lost my virginity by jumping a big gutter in front of my house.

Another friend also shared his story. He said he finally had sex with his gf who also claimed to be a virgin. As usual he did not meet her a virgin. According to him the girl asked

what do you think? Did you meet me a virgin?

The guy said he was so furious but he was calm enough to answer her. He said no and asked her how it happened. She said

she thinks it was her spirit husband because she dreamt of having sex with him.

I wonder why girls tell these lies. Virginity was meant to be lost. Why loose it when you know you will be ashamed to say how you lost it.

I shared mine too. I dont really have experience because i dont like girls. But there was a girl i dated back. She claimed to be a virgin too. I tried severally to do it but to no avail. One day i was lucky to get my hand there and i discovered that she was not a virgin. I asked her and she said it was when i put my hand that she lost her virginity. I believed her because i was ignorant. So she allowed me and i was expecting traffic jam since it was still a finger. My people it was an express road. There was no disturbance at all and it even felt like an human head has previously been there.

Contest

make me laugh hard

Share me a funny story or an experience you once had. Might be your friend or a girl you dated. It can also be what you read online.

I want something that will make me laugh and pee my pants and i also want it to be obvious that it was a lie..

I will choose four winners

First prize is 2 steem

Second to fourth prize is 1 steem each

Ill choose an entry that makes me laff

Rules

Upvote and resteem

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Ok like one gal i wan arrange like that. Ask her if she is a virgin, she said nope. I then asked her how it happened. She asked if i can recall of any shock on bike, i was confused at first later i said yes, something electric shock, she said yes. She was on bike one faithful day when she noticed that shock all over her expecially in her pussy, at a point she couldnt control it but see her self shaking , moaning and said that even the bike man helped her in shaking..... Thats how she lost her vorginity.

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Jesus is Lord

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Africa is wowed!!!
steem-africa.png

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Lol
.

😂

I hv a girl hv been dating for 4 to 5months without doing anything because I believe she is virgin. One night, our chat went rogue during Truth or Dare game when she picked Truth and I asked her, Are you a Virgin? lol.. She replied we shld skip that part and I insisted... Lol and so she told me, she lost her Virginity when gyming lol.. Meanwhile, lol the girl hv no muscle, slender like sugar cane.. Am very sure she has never been to stadium for once in her life 😂 . She collect this big thing ni jare.. I mean big dick 😂

Girls always think they are smart 😂. Hv heard diff stories laidat like riding bike and got disvirgin 😂... One said she was watching romantic movie and noticed blood between her legs 😂abeg help me ask her, I dy mad? 😂 and she want me to believe that. Wo lemme stop here jare ..

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lol na d actor from d movie do am na .LOl

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No mind her..

She don see mumu Prince

😂

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Yeeepa, whatching movie?
just like that?

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I dy tell u... 😂 I swear I felt like to slap her that day

😂

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This is funny. Apart from that you don sharparly calculate. For her to have lost it like that. That means she must have been hitting the gym regularly. Girls sha

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If the girl dy gym ni.. I fit belive her. She no dy gym... No exercised body or muscle improvement.. She slim like kilode

she know dat gym fit take virginity. That's y she said it... Mayb me get mark for cheek

😂

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Ok seriously o...
For girls that do alot of gymnastics and splitting and the rest..
It is very possible for them to lose it like that

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True

That's actually how I lost mine....

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Coming from someone that can't even do a back flip 🏃 🏃 🏃

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How do you know I can't? 🤔

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Will u keep quiet... I was deR we u re 😑😑😑😑 dat big thing.. U won lie? 😈

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Ahn ahn
Why are you coming to tell them that it's big?

That your small thing that can even pass through my nose and I will not feel anything 🤔 😔

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haaa , Aye mi temi bami 🙆🏼‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️

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Spoilt shild

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Hiw small is it?

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All lies

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Thats how i lost mine too

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Sure @alisonudeme.. But she no dy gym 😂

  ·  last year (edited)

This particular lady, her story is marvelous, she said she was riding bike when she was a teenager, and she fell from the bicycle, and thats how she lost her virginity to hero bicycle. Jesu!!!🙆

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My chest

  ·  last year (edited)

This is not my story o, am not the girl o, one of my friend, a guy told me his gf told him that she got disvirgined by spirit when she carried sacrifice for her village people for peace to reign.... Why spirit no fuck him fellow spirit toto, why must it be human toto dey like, na so human toto sweet reach?

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Spirits now like human beings

It actually wasn't my experience but that of a friend , I have heard of so many experience like this but this particular one gave me a total surprise .
As usual after a month of claiming the virgin stage ,she finally got a conviction and gave in ,only for my friend to discover she isn't a virgin , my friend was pissed and asked her why she has being lying to him.

She said ,she had not lied

That she might have lost her virginity the day he touched her hand while she was on her period. She further explained how the mother told her it will happen if a guy touches even her hand,hair ,head or leg when she is seeing her menstrual period

So dressed in a short revealing black gown, I set out for my date with the bf, as I entered the car when he came around, my mind focused on the white G-string I was putting on, I didnt ask any question when he drove to his house, A date at home isnt bad, I thought.
His bedroom got me horny immediately although I was a virgin and wasnt ready for sex. He excused himself and before he got back, I had stripped, having just my G-strings on. I turned my back to the mirror and watched my butt cheeks roll, rehearsing just how I was gonna roll it for him.

The door opened, he came in and woo! I turned my butt to him...... Left, right, left, right, up down, up down was the movement of my Bom.

I twerked slowwwlyyyy, shooting and shooting.

Finally, he came towards me and pulled me to him.

"Let me be your first" He said.
"I am not ready" I cried even as his hands pulled down my pant.
Then my eyes caught a bloody stain on my pant.

"Oh my, I just lost my virginity! I just broke my hymen by throwing my bum! I lost my virginity to a twerk!"

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issokay

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eleyi gidi gan

I was with my boo that faithful day when he told me he want to do

As I was a Virgin na, I only told him I'll allow him fondle with my breasts.

As he removed the strap of my bra, I noticed the blood flow.....

That was how I lost my virginity....

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My Chest!!!

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I hail o

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Thank you ojare.... 😂

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You can lie for africa

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What did he want to do?

Hahaha
So oneday i was on my own oo, when Sule my new boyfriend called me.
So i got to his house and the next thing he started kissing me and touching.
I was like shuu. I told him i am virgin oo i cannor do this thing. He na said is just small he will do, that he just want to test if am still virgin. I told him my mummy will beat me, he said mummy wont know. So i laid there shivering on his bed, the he took off his short.
Yeeeepa, 🙆 come and see his big thing,😵😨 @ewuoso i swear it bigger than yours. Hahahaha
I was scared to death, then he said is only the tip he would put.
Before he could say 'jack' i don fly comot for bed, run reach my house.
On getting home, i realised just seeing big thing alone can make person lost virginity ooo.
The sight of his big thing tore the hymen immediately😵😥😥
It was so bad, since then like this.... I no virgin again😭😭😭

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Rebecca, weldone

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You got me rolling at the part where you said his prick is bigger than @ewuoso's, and you even swore...babe, what have you been doing??

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Shiii 😷
dont let him hear

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Dont mind her

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Hahaha

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Are u his gf😱
Am sorry that was a joke oo😀

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No o, I'm not

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But you are my friend and you are a girl

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Sweeping

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My gf haf find me reach here

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Hilarious

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I am really sorry for your loss bet this is a great lie

I went to buy 100naira card from the corner store and prick just fell on me.

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Hahaha

Jesus

Bestie.....
Hope say you catch the prick for me o.... 😜

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It's with me come get it

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U like toto

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You are getting pregnant soon

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How can I be pregnant again when the pregnancy I'm carrying for you haven't been born yet?

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Apostle must hear this

My head spark that day I knew My third gf that I was planning not to have anything to do with for the fact that she told me she was a virgin and me too was hoping she loves me and keeping herself for that day,not until I started hearing rumour say the girl na badass from people wey know her well well, I sha sweet talk her for several weeks before she finally agreed, but as I put am, my thing no cover am, furious as I am, I asked her she still denied saying she is a virgin that she only used to mastubate when taking her bath, abeg shey masturbation fit make your hole become London bridge?

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YEEEEHHHHHH 🙆🙆🙆

HAHAHAHA 😂

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Bros.... U sure say u don't get girlfriend before?

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  ·  last year (edited)

Ask google mummy

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Lol, I asked, google said "no"😂😂

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This is the work of my village people, where did you appear from

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Your village 🤣🤣🤣

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Tah, commot

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London bridge is falling down

  ·  last year (edited)

so this girl used ti be my hostel neighbour o. Church going for that matter. Me as per lover boy fell in love wit her. I will fetch water for her go every where with her. Be her personal bodyguard as per bodybuilder with the hope that one day we gon have sex. It went on for two months and she started calling me HOSTEL BOYFRIEND I happy gaan say I go soon enter the place. We then conversed about sex and she said she has not met the right guy to see beneath her body. Meself tighten up. Worked more. Then one day o... she said she was going out... she left her phone to charge in my room and curiosity push me to check her whatsapp...
I die...
She was vexing for the guy. That's how I saw

Shebi i told you not to do that your stupid new style. .. my YANSH and leg dey pain me..Later iffa say no.. you will say am stingy

Ewo...my virgin na ANIMASHAUN...

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Givers never lack now

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Beggars like moi always ask... boss it really pained me fa. With my little bit high power of imagination i pictured all th church nembers she introduced pouncing her. Damn it was devastating

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Girls are like that. Not all sha

I dated this girl back in 2011. Didn't have sex with her but she told me she lost her virginity to arm robbers when they invaded their home.

Another i dated in my first year in school told me she lost her virginity to me after i asked her why she lied, she then reverted the story to exercise. Maybe she lost it to frequent exercise that she ain't aware

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That can also make people loose it sha

So I asked her one last time, I was sure it wasn't me who ate the apple first, it couldn't have been like well my first time cause it fell like I was doing nothing while we had relations.

I asked again why, how, when, did you loose your virginity cause it couldn't have been me.


She hesitated for a while before telling me, last month, she had been trying to hold her urine for more than twenty four hours... It wasn't until the twenth hour, that she couldn't hold it any longer and the force which the urine came out disvirgined her completely...

We are no longer dating as per I can't be swimming in well and lies every week.

🤥😋

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lol i weak o

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My God!!!!!!!! I am shook!!! Is this true?

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IMG-20180206-WA0008.jpg

we the virgin testers pronounce this girl with an award from virginliarsville...
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You got me there when you said virgintesters....

LOL

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Yeeee,😨😨
This one shock me😂😂😂

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Please have you considered taking her to church for deliverance?

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I can't allow pastor waste such good deliverance on devil dem P. A

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Lol

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Funky!

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It is finished

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OMG😱

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Oh on demmit...oh no
What a woow!

Im weak...

Owk, I met this pretty girl at the club and made a quick run for her, being a club girl, the chyking was as smooth as possible after buying her few bottles.

We danced and rocked, Damn!! She had a big assortment with boobs pointing to heaven. (for my mind, I talk say I done hammer).

After the party, it was late so I convinced her to follow me to my place, and she agreed, Damn! I had already planned all the sex moves in my head and the new ones to try out like holding her leg straight up and giving it to her while standing.

We finally got to my place and as a sharp guy I made my moves as e dy hot...

But to my greatest shock, the babe come dey resist oh, say she be Virginus... YEEKPA!! I cone talk for my mind, "see this girl oh, who does she want to fool, abi I resemble Mumu?

I just got angry but decided to remain a gentleman and stay on my own till the next morning. Later that night while sleeping, I felt hands rubbing my chest. Immediately, the sleep disappeared and I just knew my village people have started sleeping, after all, the time was about 3am. I laughed mischievously in my mind and asked like a gentleman and decided to do my own small shakara "shey u said you are a Virgin, and honestly am not ready to disvirgin anybody oh"

Then she said, "baby, Plz don't be angry na, am sorry, am not a Virgin, but I couldn't tell you because of how I lost it.

I now asked," Oya how did you lose it na and when? "..
Then she said" it was my uncle that did it two months ago"

I felt pity for her, so accepted the apology but still gave her the best sex styles am sure she never imagined.

Few weeks from that day, I met her ex who claimed to have had sex with the girl severally for the two years they dated with proofs of recorded sex videos. Damn!

I saved her number with LINUS and decided never to f*k the btch again before I contract HIV ni.

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Please run for your life

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Lol, am already running bro

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  ·  last year (edited)

A friend once told me she was virgin by her father after hitting her bumbum severally with a hard cane for a trouble she cause in her secondary school, she told me she mistakenly destroyed her class mate handset. She told me that her dad beat her severally and after seeing blood coming out of our body he have to rush her to hospital. Then doctor declare to him that she has been disvirgin by the beating

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Aye mi te mi ba mi

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I swear... I hafff been reading everything since morning and dinnor laff but this one finally broke me ahswear....

Disvirgined by beating kwa?

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Dont laff at all

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Too late baba... I aff laff finish na... I kannuh take the lafta back

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Am leaving this country for u pipu...
Aahhn...!

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Please dont

Ok my friend actually told me this since am a virgin myself..
Ok he was like
He was talking to his latest girl about this virgin stuff to get her opinion since she is a chorister in church so after the extremely long conversation with the girl, he finally popped the question "are you a virgin" . The reply still makes me thinking uptill now.. This was what she said.

You know am seriously in love with you and wont lie to you.. The answer is NO the reason being that

I lost my virginity one faithful night after using my hands to eat meat forgetting to wash my hands i used it to scratch my p.p (private part) then in the middle of the night i woke up to see a big rat in there..

Guys my friend actually beliefs her any advice for him

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Where do girl get these lies from

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I wonder ooo

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Inspiration buruku

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Wots ur advice to d guy??

I thought you said you are a virgin, i asked, after i notice there was no trace of blood on the white bedsheet after sex with her, she smiled and pointed to the cushion and said, that G.string pant over there is the culprit, i woke up one night and it was tight on my clitoris, and its broke the hymen on the process

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Shoot me please

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That catapault is no more with her ooo, i warned her not to wear it again, bcos am a jealous person, i can't bear hearinh the rope stealing the juicy part from her very night

The girl was a forming type , always want to show me she is decent ,actually she told me she is not a virgin , agreed ,i just told her your ex disvirgined you right? She said "not what you think jor" i was like how , is their two ways of getting disvigined by a prick? , she said it was not a prick , then how did it happen , she was like emm baby i cum alot ,on that fateful day i was romanced by my ex during this romance i released ,my cum was so hot that it melted my hymen ,i was so stupid to believe because i was just a novice until i saw her v.jay , it is as wide as a door entrance .

Hahahahahsh it's always she was raped😂

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Dont mind them

Well, guys and ladies, I woke up one morning and discovered I was no longer a virgin.....

please don't even ask if I am a dude or a babe.....

only wish guys do bleed and feel the pains when day lose their virginity. Oh what a happy world that will be!!!

steem-africa.png

Ok here's my story;
I had a girlfriend back then in secondary school who always claimed she was a Virgin until I finally had my way after our waec exams. The road was as free as Lagos-Ibadan express way in the night. I asked how come?????
This girl started crying oh and she said she lost her virginity to a game called di-gbe.
Note: Di-gbe was a childish dangerous game we play secondary school where you set your thumb finger or pen on someone's chair when the person is about to sit down.
She claimed she sat on her sit-mate's thumb finger, it went straight into her Virgina and broke the hymen.

I wondered how that happened and no one in the class knew of it... We were in the same fucking class!!!! And is the girl's thumb that big to have made the pussy that wide!!!

I'm still left wondering till date!!

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This is the funniest i have read so far

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Lol! To be sincere, it wasn't funny to me at all... I really cherished this girl then... E pain me gan oh I no go lie.
She don carry belle for another man now tho. Them don rush do wedding upper Saturday.
Love is a scam!!!

Nigeria ladies ....I hail o....but guys una dey pass una boundary sef.

After you don ask Are you a virgin?, You will still ask HOW?

Instead of trying the magic house if she gree (No be me talk ham o) and safe yourself from *STORIES THAT TOUCHES THE HEART

LIKE

  • It was during our inter-house sport in school ....i ran so fast that i was jumping instead of running, so the jumping made me loose my virginity though i came first.

  • I went to the club and this stupid guy gave me a drink that made me unconscious. All i saw the next morning was blood all over my body but am not sure what happened. My friends told me my virginity is gone, ever since then i didn't do it.

  • I loosed my virginity from an electricity shock, Darling you won't believe it was from my Blackberry Charger.

LOL

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Electric shock.

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Yes now ...not even from a transformer