Steemit - Anti-Bullying Self-Defense
Disclaimer: The following is theoretical. Use your better judgment to decide your path.
Nobody likes a bully.
This is a simple truth and no flag imposing, baseball bat beating, bullet riddling or drone-borne cruise missile launching is going to change it.
They can take many shapes and forms but of course I shall be focusing upon the Steemit context.
Why do some Steemit users resort to bullying?
Users who bully others are just as human as the rest of us.
Of course one should mention that there are bullies who exercise such to a differing degree from each other. I'll mention these in order of severity - while also getting into the kinds of bullying that one can encounter.
The occasional bully
Otherwise known as a 'rainy-day stinger'. We all have our off-days, and it is during these times that we can do things that are not really in our nature - and often come to regret.
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In the everyday World this could take the form of passing a particularly acidic comment, hurting somebody's feelings in the progress. It could also take the form of a physical venting of frustration upon personal property. It could also be a very niche subject that triggers one to act more aggressively than one is typically known for.
Or maybe they just had a really bad day at work and not enough sleep the previous night.
The peer pressure bully
Otherwise known as the 'tag-along'. This person may not be inherently nasty but s/he has a way of not showing it when in the presence of others.
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The more severe forms of this verge on sociopathy.
The easy-pickings bully
This is the kind of bully who will target you to get their homework done for them, or make you give them your lunch money.
In Steemit terms, this is the person who threatens to flag your comment 'because' you didn't up-vote their post.
The partisan bully
This person may seem nice but this person may reveal a darker side the moment that you touch upon a subject in a way that s/he doesn't approve of (and not due to any reasonable reason like failing to label NSFW content accordingly).
You think blue triangles are better than red squares? They flag - because they disapprove of what you think.
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These users are more likely to reveal themselves where touchy topics such as religion, politics, race and nationalism are concerned. The good news is that a fair number of these don't actually have it out for you - just your views.
The sadistic bully
This is the worst of the bunch. They derive pleasure from causing misery to others and they will go head-to-head against anybody who tries to stop them - unless they don't feel confident about their odds of success.
In Steemit terms, this is a user or group of users who feel assuredly out of reach of any meaningful justice. They will seek out a user's posts and flag independently of how good the content is. They will gang-bang you along with other users to reinforce their lust for power over you and others - to exert their purposeless dominance.
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They generally don't like reaping the consequences for their actions however.
So how do I fight back against a bully?
The aim is never to get into a fight against a bully.
You've seen this wisdom played out in martial arts related movies and cartoons often enough.
Student: "Hi! I've come here because I want to defend myself against a bully"
Master: "The aim is to be and not to do".
Student: "Huh? What does that mean?"
Master: "The best way to defeat a viper is to not to tread upon its tail."
Student: "You mean avoiding? But I came here to become tough and defend myself bad-ass style!"
Master: "True strength comes not through a show of force but through a show of restraint."
Student: "Uh... huh... Yeah... I don't think this is going to work out. Can I have my $20 back?"
Master: "Maybe your final lesson. Always read the Terms and Conditions... So... No..."
With that bit of humour aside, let us get to more important points.
Always give the benefit of doubt.
There is a fairly good chance that you are not actually dealing with a bully.
If you are lucky then the user will claim that he or she is going to flag you for 'so-and-so' reason.
Consider the possibility that the user is right to flag you!
If you are feeling angry or emotional, then now is not the time to respond.
Take a step away. Have some tea. Watch some funny cat videos on youtube.
Then think about it.
Maybe there was a shred of validity to the complaint?
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Try not to get bogged down as to whether the flag was justified.
Worse are those flags that are 'not' explained.
Do spare a moment to try and figure out the source of complaint (such as NSFW material posted without the tag) but don't do any mental heavy lifting on behalf of a user with the noodle will to flag but not to explain (which, by the way is part of their responsibility in wielding the flag dagger - to explain what was objectionable and provide direction for recourse).
Ask a question within your topic. "@fictitiousflagabuser, I notice that you have flagged this post but have not left me any clue as to what is wrong (and nothing seems wrong with it to me). Could it be that you flagged this by mistake? :)"
Be friendly. Give benefit of doubt. Presume that you are addressing a human being and peer,
Correct any legitimate cause for complaint (appease).
On the basis of feedback gotten, correct any things that seem to be legitimate mistakes.
This is important, regardless of the outcome of the rest of this confrontation. Any shred of legitimacy needs to be acted upon to prove that you are ready to correct any mistakes made.
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A mistake does not extend to changing your opinion on something though. If you think so-and-so war in so-and-so nation is an abomination and stain upon the history sheets of humanity then that is your prerogative.
Once corrected, draw the attention to your efforts.
"Hey @fictitiousflagabuser! Thanks for the feedback. On the basis of such I've changed A and B. Since these have been fixed I would appreciate that you remove your flag - since its served its purpose. :)"
Even if you are dealing with a bully, many of them are 'reasonable' and will pass a gloating comment while lifting the flag.
Sometimes they do not though.
Avoid whining and avoid retaliating.
Nobody likes a whiner either - even if their cause is just.
Whining is not necessarily about the message but is more about the tone.
"@fictitiousflagabuser is bullying me! He is flagging all my posts so my posts don't show and I can't do anything about it. Somebody please help me!" May get some sympathy, especially if the bullying is severe.
However it will also attract that blank stare where you 'know' that the other person is thinking "Oh gosh! What a whiner! Doesn't s/he realize that s/he is just bringing it on him/herself?"
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So... avoid using a tone that makes you sound like a juvenile beggar. It will backfire.
On the other hand, while it is tempting to start flagging the offending person's posts, don't do it.
Its tempting but its wrong. OK so you flagged back another user. Was the post flagged deserving of it? Did you just let your emotions against a user allow you to unfairly judge a post? The hypocrisy should be evident - and it really does not matter who started it.
Its tempting but its unwise. OK so you flagged back another user. But wait! All of a sudden, a dozen of your posts are flagged in retaliation to your retaliation. You descend into a flagging war - and its likely that s/he is dealing a lot more damage (bullies pick their fights).
Its tempting but often futile. Yes, bullies pick their fights. They are very unlikely to go after a user with a higher reputation score and Steem Power backing than they themselves enjoy.
There is a mechanical reason to this. The way Steemit works, being flagged by lower reputation members has very little effect. Its like pelting bulletproof armor with toasted marshmallows.
Bullies know this.And so they pick their fights. They also want you to provide justification for their actions.
It is alright to make subtle yet solid hints at an existing disparity
Is the user much more experienced , with a lot more vote power than you?
Does s/he have powerful friends who are weighing in?
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Even in the lawless Wild West there existed a sense of justice. Some persons were dreadfully feared but even they knew not to step too far out of line as the thing about fear is that it is more effective when appeasement is the preferable option.
Nobody likes a bully and everybody despises a mob of them. They know this.
Even so, it is important to be tactful when addressing a person who is not right to flag you and seems very unwilling to lift it.
Feel free to refer to their great experience and that you would 'hope' that they would exercise the responsibility that comes with their power not to be overly harsh with newer and smaller users such as yourself.
Stroke their egos. Avoid challenges.
Use authority but never arrogance in tone.
"I appeal to you, @fictitiousflagabuser, to reconsider your decision to flag my contribution. A flag is an important tool of curation and needs to be used with responsibility. As one of your reputation and experience knows there is nothing really wrong with the content of what I've said here, which is perhaps why you haven't dignified me with an answer to my very reasonable question asking you to provide a reason for your flag..."
To add implied threats like "or else" would be counter-productive as it would make you look like a jerk - and nobody likes a jerk.
It is actually critical that you conduct yourself as a true gentleman or lady. Act and behave as being above the pettiness of it all. Maintain the high ground at all times.
Be likable. Even admirable.
This is a part of your defense as should a matter escalate you shall each be judged on your conduct rather than your reputation, number of followers or Steem Power.
Use peer pressure.
A bully is not going to be concerned about your measly voting power.
A bully will however be concerned about the health of his or her base of followers...
During the later part of negotiations (and doing an up-standing job of 'not' being the 'bad person' in this confrontation) it can be effective to make a passing reference to the bully's followers - without directly threatening to do anything.
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"How do you suppose that your 900 followers, persons who presumably like and respect you, would feel if they got to know that you are using so heavy a stick against one such as me, a much smaller and newer user, for the crime of so-and-so?" (where so-and-so is quite innocuous)
It is an edgy game to breath an indirect threat to a bully - but it can be effective when coupled with olive branches.
Offer olive branches all the way (appease).
Even though the person might not seem deserving, be sure to offer every opportunity for that user to change his or her mind.
"...I would (really) not like to escalate this, especially if you really had a legitimate reason to flag my post. But without a proper reason or a means of recourse I will need to follow through with this as a matter of principle.
To prove that there is no bad blood between us I will even offer to up-vote a few of your posts..."
Life is all about give and take. Life is also simpler with fewer enemies. There are ways to avoid enemies and some are more valid than others.
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Do consider walking away from a conflict, as it is the easiest way to tone down aggressions.
Do try and make some powerful friends earlier on - but do try and not make being friends with them just about protecting you.
Do try to appeal to a bully. They might react positively to a non-confrontational and friendly response.
If this does not seem possible then you can simply promise to avoid his or her posts in future - as part of your olive branch - make it seem like a win for him or her. It could also be a win for you as your keeping away from him or her would be an idea accepted by the bully's self.
I've done all of this and I'm still being bullied!
Let me presume that you do not have a high level user to ask for assistance.
"I see. I am quite disappointed that we have been unable to resolve this matter in spite of all my efforts. :( As mentioned before I do not wish to escalate this and I would still rather end this peacefully if you'll permit me to."
"As such, one more time I will ask that you remove your flag, as I have already done all that I could to ensure that it is not flag-worthy."
"Failing this, I will feel compelled to ask each and every one of your followers how they feel about continuing to follow you following your behavior here. I will only make them aware and I will let 'them' judge me with their feet."
"It saddens me to have to make clear my ultimatum as I truly never wanted it to come to this. I have no other way to properly defend myself other than by a trial by jury - and I trust in them to understand this and not judge my bringing this to them too harshly."
"Once again... I ask that you reconsider, as I have well demonstrated that I am undeserving of your flag. Let us not hurt each other but continue to co-exist upon this platform in peace. I respect your opinion but I also respect my own - and this is no crime."
I would be very surprised if any bully had the stomach to persist in the knowledge that they might silently lose a significant portion of their followers over the course of days. It'll impact their earnings at least as much as their flags would affect such a user's, and this without a single futile flag in retaliation.
After all, it takes hard work to cultivate a proper following. To have all that hard work vanish over poor judgment would be very painful - and it would affect their bottom line. Sure, they could have their posts resteemed - but resteems too would drop - and one 'could' explore the follower's lists of resteamers - just to ensure that they too are aware of the Bully's actions.
I am no expert in Steemit but fewer followers + less follower respect + fewer resteems = lower payouts on content. Which means, a great reliance upon comments and curation for the Bully concerned...
But what bully would want that? Its like a bear whacking a bee hive not realizing that it is the main source of its honey.
Well.. that is the theory.
Perfect! I can now threaten bullies with this whenever I get flagged!
Wrong!
The only scenarios where this will have a negative impact on a target user are:
Where you are clearly right and s/he is both clearly wrong and abusive
Where you lie to his or her followers and tarnish the user's reputation with mud.
The first point requires all three factors to be true - Otherwise you have a lot less cause to contact those followers.
The second point requires none be true but you would almost certainly invite upon yourself a flagging storm. Serves you right.
Rights and Responsibilities. Consider them as hand-in-hand. Be worthy.
This is a powerful tool and as with all tools may be used abusively.
Don't.
It will not end well.
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While this may be 'the wasp that takes out the spider many times its size' - misuse of it can and will result in a degree of blow-back that you will not have counted on. This is why dolphins and whales should not fear the abuse of this tool. Quick clarifications can turn the tide in one's favour.
If you found this post interesting and would like to share this with your friends then a resteem couldn't hurt.
If you 'didn't' like this then feel free to share your views in comments. A civil conversation can go a long way.
Sincerely,
Well thought out and good tips. I think all of the above will work with reasonable people and the others we just have to walk away from...
Thank you for chiming in @mariannewest. :c)
Yes this is one of my better posts (a shame about the broken image link) - and as relevant today as ever.
Quite agreed that there will be persons who one would be best walking away from rather than seeking to reason with them. That is where one needs to measure the person's actions not only with oneself but also others.
For sure. Some people love to make others uncomfortable and the more attention they get, the more they do their thing. So sad.
Stop Beaching Yourself!!!!!
xD
Yes, that was a very fitting image to fit in. ^_^
Thank you for stopping by @skeptic. :c)
:D
it gave me a good laugh.
Hi again, can you please add some links to your recent articles on the Six of the Best contest page. I would like to encourage some discussion as there are very few people voting. Thanks and good luck!
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STOPI am glad that you broached this topic. Personally, I don't even down-vote people who have written something I disagree with, or who have attacked me in their comments. Responding is enough.
I personally believe that flags should all be subject to review by a panel of other people before they can go into effect. YouTube, for all that it said about it, is correct in how it handles this. It should be a request for flagging, reviewed by others to see if it is justified, and then a flag if it is.
I personally have had some strong concerns about how free people are to use both the down-vote and the flag on Steemit. One scenario that you did not mention was gang-bullying, where people with a certain perspective shut down an opposing view. Also, if a person has followers, those followers are likely to support a similar perspective, and, when appealed to, will probably support the person they are following, if the cause for unjust flagging was based on a position expressed in the post.
Otherwise, good work. Thanks for taking this on.
Thank you kindly, @ajdohmen, both for your upvote as well as your feedback. :c)
I have to admit that this is not the final word on counter-bullying measures. I was contemplating posting a suggestion today but it'll have to wait until tomorrow (as I got caught up in an alternative, more philosophical post being written up right now).
While mention of gang-bullying was certainly made under the 'sadistic bully' category, you are correct in saying that defense against multiple bullies is going to be a trickier endeavor. Of course... 5 large bullies suffering 5 streams of lost followers is still going to leave a very sour taste in their mouths.
One thing that I'll need to respectfully disagree on is the notion that a user's followers are likely to sympathize with that user being a jerk. Yes, some will agree with his disagreement of his views - and some among these might let that cloud their judgment. Others will see more clearly.
After all, a lot of those followers do so for the content that a user posts, not for that user's abusive behavior in comments and abusive flags.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts on this matter. I really wasn't expecting such a strong response. :c)
Peer pressure can be very powerful..
Good advice - I have yet to see a bully on steemit, as I think the platform in general encourages people to be nice and helpful due to the nature of its mechanics, but I don't doubt they exist.
However, I don't always agree that ignoring is the best option. This doesn't work in school even though parents often tell children to do it. Oftentimes ignoring the bully increases the punishment the child receives. Really, in many instances, the only thing that works is hard clocking them. People will often continue to be bullies until they see consequences.
Of course this works a bit differently on social media, where one can more easily block or ignore without fear of physical retribution. Still, if I see someone getting bullied, I usually don't hesitate to step in.
Thank you, @snowmachine, for the upvote and feedback :c)
I have to admit, I've not ever had to go toe-to-toe with a bully (I once came close). However I have witnessed individuals suffering incessant flagging.
Yes it is tempting to step in - but often one finds when looking into these instances that the line is grey and hazy - the victim will usually have already resorted to futile forms of retaliation and threats. Like I said, my methods above only work when a conflict has a clear protagonist and antagonist.
In truth the Steemit platform does not do nearly enough to facilitate the defense of flagged users through peer support. This unfortunately encourages bystanders to hesitate to commit to the defense of the weaker party (especially where one is also a weaker party).I quite agree that ignoring bullying is incorrect from a purely ethical standpoint.
Thank you again for the feedback. :c)
snowmachine, it is great that this issue is being addressed now before steemit becomes popular in the mainstream. Best to educate members now than to let it take over like all the other social media has. I don't recommend violence but self defense is different. I beat up my first bully when I was still in grade school. fortunately adults were watching and laughing as I was punching him for calling me bug eyes. From that moment on, everytime he saw me, he would turn and go the other way..The bully was then being bullied by his peers..true story!!
Well done pathforger. I did classes on bullying when I worked at Job Corp and you are right on. Sometimes people bully and not even aware of it..Others do it intentionally as it helps ease their on insecurity and make them feel bigger, smarter and more in control..sometimes your only recourse is simply to report them and ask for help..thanks for this post. It was desperately needed here.
Thank you for the feedback and support @thethreehugs :c)
It is certainly nice to know that what I've written here aligns well enough with others' experiences and training. The validation adds weight. :c)
I also agree that this platform needs to improve its anti-bullying technology and techniques. It would be ideal if bullying weren't an issue - but it does exist.
Thanks again for stopping by! :c)
Doing acts that lead to grasping, scaring or all the actions of a bully, let alone done against a social media use is not appropriate. Because many people will see and create an impression that is not good for people who are bluffing or being bullied. I myself do not agree to this deed. Let alone be done to children who deserve good education for the process of mental development of children
Thank you kindly for the feedback @slempase :c)
Your take on bullying in general is quite compelling, although I feel that I only grasped part of your message. On the one hand I agree that children should have access to good education for the process of mental development. On the other hand your middle sentences 'almost' get mistinterpreted as saying that bluffing or being bullied is not a bad thing.
I do feel that I catch the spirit of what you are trying to say though. Bullying is unacceptable.
I am delighted to read such an informative write up. Keep sharing such posts. Stay blessed.
You are very welcome @jaukumar :c)
Thank you for stopping by!
upvoted and follow.... if you want support me too mate as i am new here but i am a good photographer have a look at my travel post, thank you https://steemit.com/travel/@bllackwidow/sakis-my-trip-to-iceland
You 'do' have lovely photographs @bllackwidow. Thank you for the upvote and support. :c)