Taking A Shower Is A Waste Of Time! (Thoughts From A Child)
That is what I heard last night from my Little Pumpkin. With tears flowing from her eyes, she explained to me that "showers were a waste of time."
Her logic is as follows:
- I don't want to go outside and play, because then I get sweaty.
- If I am sweaty then I have to take a bath or shower.
- And while I am bathing, I can't be anything that is fun.
The heart and head have a funny relationship. The heart processes emotions and the head processes facts, and there are countless times in our lives when those two worlds collide, and the result is a chaotic mess.
Don't Listen To What I Say. Know What I Mean!
When my kiddos get emotional, I sometimes catch myself grinning ear to ear. Their thoughts about this world bring a smile to my face. For them, the matter at hand is life changing. For me, I see this as another small step in their journey.
When we communicate with other people, we need to be mindful not only of what the person is saying but also what the person is trying to communicate.
Little Pumpkin said that she did not want to play outside (something she has always enjoyed) because she would have to take a bath (something she has always enjoyed) which prevents her from playing with her sisters (something she has always enjoyed).
At face value, we have a win-win situation. If the weather is nice, go play outside. If the weather is not nice, stay inside and play. And when appropriate, take a bath. At face value, this is a simple matter, but there is a lot happening under the surface.
What I have learned as a father is that my kiddos (and most adults for that matter) either don't have the ability to express their deepest thoughts and emotions or have not spent enough time practicing that skill.
How Can We Listen For More Than Just Words?
Here are a few thoughts about how to communicate well:
- Realize that every word is communicated in context. If you understand the context, then you will be able to understand the intended message.
- Stop formatting a response while the person is speaking. Spend more time on focused listening and less time on responding. You miss out on the context when you stop listening.
- Be engaged in the conversation. Show the listener that you are engaged with verbal cues and appropriate body language.
- Ask questions. If you don't understand, ask questions. And then learn the art of asking questions to help draw information out of the speaker.
- Seek not only to be understood but also to understand. Good communication often starts with the proper mindset.
Final Thoughts
Little Pumpkin is struggling with a lot of things right now. She is dealing with the changes of our recent move. She is missing Indonesia and her happy childhood memories. So it is hard for her to see how great her life is.
I can't prevent life from happening, but I can help her learn how to deal with the changes and make the most of the challenges she will face. But while I am listening to her words, I also need to be searching for the message she is trying to give me.
- Do you know someone who does not like to bathe?
- Have you ever had difficulty communicating withing someone else?
- What is your biggest challenge while listening to another person speak? Distractions, boredom, thinking of a response, etc.
Thanks for stopping by! I look forward to hearing from you.
@SumatraNate
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OH bless her heart! I love her grasp on chain of events though, she will have no issues figuring out cause and effect when she get's older. Such a sweetheart! I often have issues communicating verbally what I mean because I get muddled up and people tend to speak over me before I have managed to get to my point, so communicating through writing is so much easier imo!
Sorry that it has taken me some time to write a reply. I really appreciate that you observed her ability to connect cause and effect. That was a fun observation for me as a father.
I have to be careful in my family because my brain is on rapid-fire speed and some of the ladies in my life (wife and kiddos) need more time to process.
She’s so smart! 😘 I communicate better in writing, as English is not my first language, and I live in an English speaking country. I guess, the accent holds me back, but it’s ok, no big deal.
I lived overseas for almost 12 years. I can understand how challenging it is to speak in a language that is not your heart language. Keep pressing forward!
She sounds a lot like my Granddaughter, except she has never liked baths, more so if it includes washing her hair she has beautiful long here but hates having her hair done which always foillows a bath
some great thoughts about communications
It is funny how something that is enjoyable one day brings such despair the next. Kids are funny. Adults are too!
Ohh yes at all ages feelings about things can change but with kids it changes so much quicker for sure
hehehehe i just giggled at this whole post - because I could just see her frustration!!! :) I loved how you took the experience and broke it down into how to communicate better with others! :) how to see beyond the words... how to listen and how to understand :)
i hope that the difficulties with the move will pass soon for her!!! :)
My Little Pumpkin and I are on this journey for the long haul. We willl keep working on these types of issues and helping her see how to address this concerns on her own someday.
There are some many life lessons in everyday life. We just have to have our eyes open and be ready to see them.
What a sweet girl! My oldest daughter also struggles with baths, I find singing during bath time helps a lot.
As far as being a good communicator, one thought I had is that you nee to be okay with peiple asking you clarifying questions. It can be hard to remember we're all coming from different places.
My biggest struggle in communicating is getting distracted. Making eye contact helps a lot, but my ears can be harder to focus.
I like to ask questions. That has been a part of my personality my whole life, but I realize that I have to reword my questions (depending on the people I am speaking to) to be effective with different types of communicators. I like the point about ears being hard to focus. I struggle with that as well.
Exactly. A lot of times, we forget the fact that people often aren't really able to express themselves fully, and it's on the listener to try and catch what they are actually trying to communicate. Not everything needs to be said straight to the face. Somethings are just better understood with empathy.
Agree. Being there is often as important as saying something. And giving someone a chance to speak is more important than just sharing what is on our minds.
I agree, communicating with children sometimes feel like learning the language all over again.
When talking to our peers we take context for granted because we are familiar with their world view, and also because more often than not they hang out in the same circles as ourselves.
But children are still looking at life from a different perspective, so sometimes when I struggle to understand them, I try to remember myself at their age and what was going through my mind....ie, trying to put myself in their shoes, so to speak.
Thanks for another wonderful share!
I am glad you enjoyed the post. It is important to look at a situation through the eyes of the person we are talking with. Context is so important but often overlooked.
Everyone has their own battles at every stage of life. This is a great example, and just goes to show you how we tend to perceive events based on our experiences.
Great read,
I agree that our own life experiences impact the way we view the world around us. I appreciate your stopping by and leaving a comment.
Happy to do so, cheers!
I have to agree with your Little Pumpkin, lol. I totally get where she's coming from.
My suggestion to her would be: paddling pool outside with sisters... Then she can get all three done at once. (Just add suds.)
My biggest challenge while listening to someone speak (you have a typo there, BTW) - probably waiting for someone to finish when it's fairly clear what they are saying... so a patience thing - especially when I feel I've already found the answer... :p
Typo corrected :)
I connect with having a hard time being patient. My mind tries to finish what someone is saying before they even say it. My kiddos do love playing in their kiddie pool. Maybe next time I will add some soap to the water.
And thank you for sharing my post with @thedailysneak!
Such is the difficulty of the quick brain. I have the same trouble sometimes - or I change my sentence somewhere in the middle making it not work all that well grammatically!
I love curating for @thedailysneak! :-) It's great fun and I end up meeting cool people!
This is such useful knowledge to remember! Especially, but not only, when speaking with children. Thank you x
Thanks for the kind comment. This is a lesson I have to relearn every day.