How to be a Better Conversationalist
Think of someone you would describe as a GREAT conversationalist. What is it that makes them so great… can you put your finger on it? In this video, I talk about the things that I personally focus on when it comes to the art of conversation.
Becoming a better communicator is beneficial in so many ways. First of all, it just makes life more enjoyable! Being able to get past the “fluff” and engage more meaningfully can really help to deepen your relationships. Understanding the basic structure of how to be a good communicator/conversationalist can also help to boost your confidence in uncomfortable situations. Perhaps you are in a meeting or at a party with a lot of people you don’t know. Even for an extrovert like me, this can sometimes feel a little intimidating. By strengthening this skill, you will feel more at ease in these situations and will likely enjoy yourself more as well!
Be Engaged
Nothing makes a conversation turn south faster than someone checking their phone, or looking around the room. This goes beyond just simply listening and making good eye contact – being engaged means that you are an ACTIVE participant. Your goal should be to make them feel like they are the most important thing to you right now.
Be Uplifting to the Other Person
People feel more connected to others when they feel seen. By noticing something unique about them, or complimenting them on an accomplishment – it makes them feel special and appreciated. I’m not saying to be fake, because a compliment that is not sincere will actually have the opposite effect. In the video I give a few examples of how this might play out in a way that is authentic, uplifting and makes the other person feel really encouraged.
Guess what? It feels GOOD to make others feel good about themselves. By focusing your energy on being affirming to that person, you might be surprised at how much it picks up your mood as well.
Don’t Start Forming a Response While They are Speaking
Everyone says to be a “good listener”, but what does that really mean? It means staying present in the moment while they are speaking, and not beginning to form your own response. The second the wheels in your brain start turning on a response, you are only half listening to them. Even if you are still hearing the words they are saying, you aren’t fully processing them.
I once took an improv acting class once, and this was the BIGGEST thing they stressed with us. The point of improv is not to be funny, the point is to respond to the other person and create something together. The best magic on stage happens when two people are just playing off of each other. It’s pretty obvious when you see two people both trying to “take over” the scene and create their own big moment. It works much better when they stay 100% clued in to what the other person is doing. The same principle applies to everyday conversations!
Watch the Other Person’s Body Language
Be open to changing and adapting to flow with the conversation. Each person will have a different comfort level when it comes to eye contact, closeness, random interjections… etc. Guess what? Not only can this change from person to person, but it can be different every day for the same person depending on their mood! This all comes back to staying in the moment and in-tune with the other person. If you notice them looking annoyed or drawing back slightly when you interject, take note of that! Some people hate feeling interrupted, while others love the more interactive “back and forth” feel.
Be Authentic
I know this probably goes without saying, but if you actually want to connect with someone – you have to be totally authentic with them. People can sense barriers/walls immediately and will usually reciprocate that same energy back to you. If you want to go deeper in the conversation – be willing to take a risk and go there first. Some people will have walls up no matter what – but it is a more common human response to reciprocate the other person’s energy. If you are being 100% comfortable with yourself in the conversation – it gives them permission to do the same.
This is a big topic and there are many different ways to think about it. These five areas tend to be what I have worked on the most to improve my communication skills.
So I’m curious…
Which of these tips resonated the most with you? Is there anything you would add to the list?
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I needed this! Thank you so much! Followed!
Thanks @skycornish! I’m so glad you get some helpful tips from here. 😊
Great tips! I subbed. You kind or remind of CharismaOnCommand
Thanks @coruscate
I have read lots of Dale Carnegie's books on making friends and relating with people and one thing that resonated as i read your post is this:
"We must listen to others to understand, not to reply."
When we listen to understand we connect with their soul, the fountain of their outpouring, and the essensce of their communication. When we listen to reply, we are shallow to their words, lacks understanding of their shades of meaning, and end up giving wrong judgement.
Exactly @pulchritude! It can be a difficult skill to master, but can really improve ones ability to listen deeply and stay present.
Oh that’s awesome @sadplanet! I’ve seen a few of his videos in the past and I really like his work! I may need to go listen to a few more now. 😊
Nothing annoys me more than someone interrupting me when i am talking or being distracted. Like you wrote for a conversation to be enjoyed, there should be no distraction. Attention to the other person is important. Listening is important. In a conversation , there can't be two speakers at the same time.
I think it really depends on the person and their communication preferences. I would tend to agree with you though that most people probably don’t like being interrupted!
Communication is an art And every one is not artist
the art of Communication is the langauge of a leadership
Well put @travellingwomen!
It's funny I'm never in a actual hurry but I stop listening when a person takes forever to get to the point. Like I need headlines above their heads so my brain has a preview. Working on just listening.
Haha that visual really cracked me up!! I know you feel... some people can spend 20 minutes telling you about why they chose that head of kale. 😆
Id like to add as im speaking with artistic people all the time. Be better at expressing yourself, not everybody understands you in the same wavelength so atleast find a way to make your words/actions easier to understand.
Great point @francispalo! Reading the other person and knowing how to adapt so they will understand you better is super important.
A great conversationalist is usually not the dominant talker in the group. But rather it is the person who asks the questions, listens and responds intelligently to the topic.
They control the direction of the conversation with their questions. All while accurately and intelligently chiming in only when the chat warrants. Put in other words, they know when to add their two cents and when to keep quiet.
And this method unequivocally works because anyone with a pulse loves to talk about themselves and the stuff they are passionate about. Great tips though and nice language. Thank you dear @corcuscate
Well written response @wa2qr! There is definitely a balance between knowing when interjecting homes to build the conversation, and when it will detract from it. There’s no black-and-white answer to that, if you just depends on both people, their mood and the topic of the conversation. It just comes back to staying present and really in tune with the other person.
Thanks for chiming in with such thoughtful advice!
These are very helpful tips for communication. In this day and age, we are all so busy that it's hard to sit down and actually focus on the person you are chatting with. However, it's very important to be able to maintain a conversation, especially with those you care about. I have trouble starting to form a response when I should just actively listening and hearing everything the speaker has to say. I am working on it though!!
I hear ya @keciah! That is the hardest one for me as well. Thanks for the thoughtful response!
A lot of people get offended when they are intervened in between a conversation. Yes, you are true in saying that you should listen to the person first instead of forming answers in head.
Very nice post. It will help a lot of professionals as well.
Great point @attiyaomer. These tips are not only beneficial for personal relationships, but business ones as well!
Thanks. Please take some time out and read my first blog. And if you liked it, do comment and vote please.
Hey thank-you for sharing some of the use full tips there,that really helps in building a healthy interactions.
I like the appreciation part,yes indeed people gets interested in you if you appreciate something you understood really well.thats keeps it rolling.
Thanks for the thoughtful response @iamanwar! I have found that building others up is such a great way to grow that friendship. I’m glad that point resonated with you.