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Missing woman on Isle of Man

“Isle of Man.” Chief Sluttistat stated

“Is he in the avengers.” I asked, because it might be relevant to the case. I hadn’t heard of Illaman, maybe he was from the extended universe.

A spasm passed the chief’s face.

“It is a place, Detective Tittie.” he said through clenched teeth.

“It’s Titté. What’s my assignment?”

“Find a woman.” he said perfunctorily.

This was a low blow. Not what you’d expect the chief to say. I mean the women in my family have been harping on about finding a girlfriend for but somehow they’ve passed this ambition to my boss too.

“Did my mother put you up to this? Was it aunt Rhonda? I’m disappointed in you sir.”

“You have an aunt named Rhonda Titté?”

“No her name is Rhonda Buttle. So, it was her. What I don’t understand is how she got to you. Is she blackmailing you? We all know about the picture with donuts on your penis. Is she trying to set me up with your daughter?” I instinctively placed a hand to protect my teeth.

The chief’s daughter is a dentist. The mind boggles at being at such close proximity to a dentist all the time. They might get to you in your sleep.

He cleared his throat.

“I have no interest in your love life Tittie.There is a detective named Kitty Pull who has gone missing.The local police needs some help. So, I thought of sending you to the island. As a birthday treat.”

“It’s not my birthday.”

“It is mine.”

 

 

---

The isle of Man is real place.

You might think my boss had sent me to a make believe place to find Kitty Pull, which doesn’t even seem to be a real name.

The police station was a cheerful place near the beach. The occupants were involved in a donut-pong competition. Amateurs.

After robbing the local police of donuts, I went to the chief.

“Ah Detective Ti…, please have a seat.”

Instead of the old timey notepad, I opened the notes section in my phone and started writing. I need to buy toothpaste when I get home.

“Well it all began when Randy Su, Kitty’s boyfriend broke up with her by posting a “ We done” picture on instagram. Kitty was distraught. She forgot she was vegan and had an entire ice cream cake. Didn’t even share.” He looked wistfully at his cavernous tummy.

“The next day she swiped right for this guy - Guy Stubb.”

A lengthy discussion on double usage of guy ensued. I won’t bore you. No sir, Percy Titte does not drone on about stuff that is not important to the reader. Aunt Rhonda’s raccoon would agree with you. The raccoon is not striped. Go figure.

“Anyway MR.STUBB is a local goon, both he and Ms. Pull have been missing. We have retraced their paths and followed the credit trail. Forensics have determined -”

“Is this her?” I was going through her steemit page and saw a picture of her at the Big Ben.

“We searched all her social media.”

“You searched all the archaic social media. To think I came this far.”

I went to the mainland and tracked down Kitty Pull through her discord. 

It was love at first sight for us. 

---

One year later, at our wedding

“So she is going to be Kitty Titte” the chief was rollicking with laughter.

Kitty flagged his latest post.

It was the best day of my life until I saw my boss, the chief from Isle of Man and my Aunt Rhonda holding hands.

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I'd like to nominate @f3nix and @snook to write for Comedy Open Mic Round 20.