Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest Round #43 Hide The Shit

I heard alot of weird and wonderful stories in college but I also heard a few not so wonderful stories. This is one of them. I didn't believe one such story happened until I went on a stag weekend (Bachelor party to all you Yanks) with the rumoured perpetrators. After a day with them, I knew it was true. Benny , Bobby and Kevin. Three mentalists that ran around like raptors seeking mischief which always bordered grey area between dangerous and illegal. The stag organiser knew they were going to be trouble so he put them in a room with each other. Thats common stag weekend policy rule 1.1. All the nutcases all have to share a room with each other. The room soon downgrades into a lair and a hefty tip is given to the cleaners every day for their troubles. In this case the stag organiser not only booked a separate room but also a separate hotel for the trio citing booking difficulties as his clever excuse. Kevin was the quieter of the three and usually told us what the other two were up to.
The stag weekend was in Swansea Wales . A place where anything goes. Bobby was giving out that he needed a shower all the way over on the ferry. So when they got to the hotel Bobby got his toiletries off of his suitcase to have his shower. Benny ran into the bathroom before him and locked the door. He needed to go. Bobby was not happy. When Benny came back out he had a big smile on his face. Bobby walked in. He had a shave but realised he had no toothpaste. There was still an odour quite pungent from Benny. He opened the shower curtain.....

Bobby was livid.
For fuck sake Benny. I'm going down to buy toothpaste in the chemist and if thats not gone by the time I come back you are getting a backhander

Bobby stormed out having been denied the shower by Benny's nutty stool. 5 minutes later Bobby was back with his Colgate Whitening toothpaste travel edition.

Did you clean it up you sick bastard?

Course I did! replies Benny.

I was only having a laugh!

Bobby went back to the bathroom. Slid back the shower curtain. The long brown poo was still there but with Bobby's toothbrush stuck in the middle of it!

I think i got most of it cleaned up! Benny shouts into Bobby.

Bobby went mad and attacked Beny with no clothes on. It was like the scene from Borat.Balls in faces. As usual Kevin cleaned up the mess and calmed Bobby down.

After hearing what happened I knew Hide the Shit was true.

Once upon a time there were 4 college students in a house in Waterford Ireland. Every week one of them used to hide the shit.
So it was a pretty basic game of hide and seek really. One of them had a poo somewhere and the other 3 would have to find it. Normally the shit was found in minutes as the odour would be quite strong. But each week the shit was made in more extravagent places. Under the stairs, in the attic, in the toilet brush holder. But one week something happened. It was never found. This was unheard of in hide the shit history. The 3 housemates searching for it looked everywhere with no luck. There wasn't even a smell. No stone was left unturned. Two weeks went by and still nothing. The shit maker had a look of triumph on his face as his three friends searched and searched.

You will never find it the shitmaker smiled.

2 months went by and still nothing. The 3 boys had given up. There was even a rumour the poo wasn't made in the first place but that was shot down immediately.
On one cold winters morning one the flat- mates girlfriends (yes they all had girlfriends) decided to help herself to some toast. She went and took the butter out of the fridge. Hopefully there was still some butter left as she had been using it quite frequently. There was thankfully. She started spreading the butter on the toast but then spotted that the butter was a different colour. Like all girls do she gave the knive a whiff and let out a scream. Her boyfriend ran downstairs to see his girlfriend very upset that she was actually spreading shit on her toast.

Following months of backlash some hide the shit experts found that the actions of the housemate that hid his shit under the butter were pure genius. Pooing under the butter required some knowhow. He had to firstly freeze the butter. Then take the butter out of the tub. Have his poo and then put the butter back into the tub and defrost it again. This required a particular type of cunning.

The housemates thought back of all the times they sat in the kitchen having toast while he had rice krispies. They just never twigged. He was always when they put the toast on. Always chirpy in the morning secretly getting off on the fact that the other 3 were eating from his tub of butter with his poo in lying underneath the surface so close but yet soooo far away. He even asked them if they wanted more toast on regular occasions.

But they all lived happily ever after apart from 2 bouts of cholera, dysentery, typhoid and countless numbers of pink eye.

Disclaimer: If anyone of the 3 people still on steemit including @janton reads this while eating toast then I sincerely apologise. However I expect the percentages on having a filthy animal phathom shitter in your house is extremely low. You are probably more likey to be killed in a plane crash than to eat some shitty butter tonight so you can sleep easy in your beds tonight.

I nominate @lucylin and @shithousery.

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