Love & Marriage 192 - House mates or spouse?

Housemates and not spouses?

Some couples after they have been married for a couple of years and one morning wake up to find that they are bored. They have become housemates instead of spouses.

How does this happen?

Kids are born and the accounts started to stack up. So much time and energy get to spend on your responsibilities that intimacy goes out by the back door. Couples start to take their marriage for granted and believe that their love is strong enough to let their marriage survive. If this happens then spouses don't talk anymore. They just tick off items on their to-do-lists and before they know it, they are just housemates.

On the surface, everything looks so normal that the couple even believes that they are in a good place because there is no drama or conflict. Even for outsiders, it looks like they have a perfect marriage but one of the spouses or both start feeling unloved and missing the intimacy. Lots of couples start out as soulmates and best friends and then end up housemates. For a married couple, this is a danger zone and not a good place to be.

How do you know if your marriage is in that danger zone?

• There is no time for each other. Each spouse uses their activities as excuses. There is a belief that you see each other every day and that you don't need to schedule a special time together.
• There is no touching, no holding hands, no hugging and no sex so in other words no intimacy.
• Sometimes couples don't even share a bed anymore. Maybe you sleep with your little daughter or he falls asleep in the study. This is a sign that the marriage is in big trouble.
• Each spouse hold on to their purse, you don't want to hear you can't buy that expensive dress or that new golf set. Each one has his/her own bank account and credit cards. Keeping your money separate but sharing the responsibilities work for some couples but mostly it works best if a couple have a combined budget and there is transparency about what the money is spending on.

Don't despair you can save your marriage and bring it back on track.

• As you have very busy lives, the above proved that it's not going to happen by itself. You need to schedule time for each other. There should be a time each day that is "your" time. May it be sitting together after work watching the sunset or before you go to sleep, lying in bed. Really communicate, talk to each other about your deepest feelings and dreams.
• Start going on date nights. A date night once a week is a big tool to help you to focus on each other exclusively. You really need to do this. This is special times that you have together, that build memories and draw you closer!
• Start touching each other again. Hold hands when walking in the mall, or watching TV. Hug and kiss each other when going and coming from work. Each time you do this, your body will release Oxytocin again and that will be the spark you need to get things going again.

Oxytocin is the hormone that is released during cuddling and sex and it gives a feeling of attachment to someone. This hormone is the biological basis for love.

How great is that? You can fall in love all over again!!!

• If by now sex is still not happening by itself then you will also have to schedule sex. It can be combined by date night, passionate sex is the perfect way to end a perfect evening.
• Be adventurous, don't let boredom creep into your relationship. Start a new hobby together like surfing, take a cooking class, take up hiking, whatever activity you both would enjoy together. This is also great to get back your togetherness, functioning as a couple and not just like friends.

Once you re-kindled the fire how do you keep it going?

• Be aware to not just slip back into your old routines.

• You keep on working on being close, work on your togetherness, touching, kissing, hugging and making love frequently. Somehow it always also comes back to sex. Sex is not only the cement that keeps your "love house" together it is also the new coals that you need to keep on throwing into the fireplace to not let the fire go out again.

This will make all the difference between just staying in a boring mediocre marriage to really enjoy your spouse, your marriage and your life together!

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Thank you for reading.
Source: https://intiem.co.za/mci-huismaats-of-huweliksmaats/ (article by marriagecapsule.com in collaboration with Intiem Huwelik
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-161-what-is-true-love-and-can-anyone-find-it-part-3
Images: freepik and pixabay