Love & Marriage 161 - What is True Love and can anyone find it? Part 3

So in the previous post, we explored how will you know if you have found true love?
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-159-what-is-love-part-2

There were 11 signs in that post which would be an indication of true love. So you have read it and you don't think that you have true love in your current relationship. Well don't despair, I think with a little bit of hard work and dedication anyone can have true love. As seen in the previous post, true love doesn't happen overnight. It is something that develops over time.

True love is something to aspire to, not to automatically have. Work on building your relationship. Work on developing more trust, communication, respect, and compromise. And work towards a truly loving relationship with them.
http://www.ilanelanzen.com/loveandrelationships

So firstly anyone can find love and let it develop into true love over time.

I can vouch for that. I find love again after my first hubby died and oh boy, was I in love? If I just looked into his eyes the earth was moving. We got married within 5 months so the hormones were still working very much. But after a while reality set in, we were not blind anymore for each other's flaws and our differences.
Did we say: we are not in love anymore? Did we marry too soon? This is not true love? No for sure not! We start to work through our differences, getting to know each other better and better.

True love is not just an emotion

Love is not like a light than you can switch on and off. True love is a decision. It is an all-out commitment and it is permanent. Don't confuse your emotions with love. Your emotions about your partner and love can be like the weather. They can change from hot to cold, depending on the last thing your spouse said to you. It can depend on how your hormones are affecting you lately and lots of other things.

Feeling in love is not the same as being in love.

If you feel that you are not in love anymore, I have very good news for you! You haven't fallen out of love with your spouse you have fallen out of Feeling in love.
The emotions of love are like a fire and the fire can go out. You can wake up in the middle of the night to find that the house is cold and you will see the darkened fireplace and there will be no live coals left to stir up the fire again. But you don't have to sell the home! You just have to build another fire!

How do we get to point of true love again if the fire went out?

The first thing you have to start doing more and more is touching each other. Each time you do this, your body will release Oxytocin again and that will be the spark you need to get things going again.

Oxytocin is the hormone that is released during cuddling and sex and it gives a feeling of attachment to someone. This hormone is the biological basis for love.
Maybe there is some hurt in your marriage and you don't feel like touching him or her, for your own happiness and fulfilment, just take the first step. Sit near to your spouse, your bodies touching, hold hands while watching TV, give a kiss when you leave the room and a passionate one when leaving the house. Each time you do that your body will secrete Oxytocin and the feelings of love will return. The love was there all along, but you will start feeling it again.

As you are rewarded with loving and passionate touch from each other your body will also secrete these other hormones as discussed in part 1. These hormones will help you to get the fire of true love burning high again.

Dopamine - When your body secretes this hormone, it will make you feel an amazing amount of pleasure when you are rewarded with loving acts, kindness, attention and touch. This hormone is responsible for desire and reward.
Vasopressin is believed that like oxytocin, it let you feel attached to someone.

How do we keep the fire going?

You keep your true love going the same way as you have re-kindled it. You keep on being close, work on your togetherness, touching, kissing, hugging and making love frequently. Somehow it always also comes back to sex. Sex is not only the cement that keeps your "love house" together it is also the new coals that you need to keep on throwing into the fireplace to not let the fire go out again.

Next post: How to put some passion back into your love-making?

Thank you for reading. Find true love, keep that fire going!

Images: Pixabay.com & unsplash.com

@hope777 & @scotty777 (aka "the scott team")