U just got a 100% upvote from me. Thanks for sharing. I feel my response will be lengthy so, brace yourself, winter is coming. Anyway, let me start.
"That mirror bit is from Clay, who That mirror bit is from Clay, who says that if we are upset about something, its a reflection of how we treat others. Or in analytical terms, "traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves..". But it's a good analogy, the reflection of self. that if we are upset about something, its a reflection of how we treat others. Or in analytical terms, "traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves..". But it's a good analogy, the reflection of self."
DISAGREE. I dislike the traits of serial killers and neo nazis, doesn't mean it is actually a trait I have! Also, I really dislike people who cannot stand their ground or face conflict when need be. Ask my close friends/ family they'll tell you that not even remotely true of myself. But tit for tat. I'm sure this theory of self refliction has some merit, i just strongly disagree with it.
Senses are magnified or distorted, and what seems normal for one child is torture to another - tight clothing, sunlight, touch, proximity, loud noises, crowds.
I've read things saying this puts you on an autistic spectrum but it could just be you're an HSP (highly sensitive person.) Those traits certainly exist in me and they always and at 29, pretty sure they always will. Halogens in grocery stores kill me. One article of" barely " uncomfy clothing that someone else could "deal with " i can't. Certain textures and fabrics are the worst. Loud sounds, raves, parties i despise. I feel like just awful. My mouth gets really dry, I lose the ability to converse with any sensibility, ill hide in a bathroom stall, i get headaches. SENSORY OVERLOAD. hence i avoid those situations and, I much like you have been viewed as "strange ", lost friends/ connections over it.
The patterns that I still carry are echoed in my everyday perceptions of social interactions as an adult; patterns that hold me back from loving and feeling loved
I will gently prod here and you probably already know this but as far as loving others:
you may feel you do, but if you don't actually love yourself, you can't love another person
You hold yourself back from loving because of mistrust i get it. So many people have let you down. Why bother? Save yourself the heartache and dont. Or take a chance that not all humans are inherently bad and open yourself up. Be more vulberablr but in very small bite sized doses. :)
I also realize that many people don't understand. They see my behavior as something that I should be able to control
This is a real problem. I have metal illness that was covered under the FMLA act. Guess what, i still got fucked (did a whole post on it). Invisible illnessrs are NOT taken Seriously by most of society. Hopefully this mindset evolve over time.
Lastly, no adults can't be fixed unless they're willing to make the necessary cognitive shifts (like learning to love yourself.) I feel you on the friend siruation. You can't force friendships though. Your fb friends with hundreds or even thousands of friends probablg haven't spoken to 90% of those people more than one time if ever. Its a delusion. And often those people aren't all the happier because of their huge "friends " list.
Excellent, thought provoking post. Rstmd.
thanks for this! i'll start by saying i originally was going to use your post that we discussed earlier as another thing to bounce off of in this blog, but it got too involved. i'll stick it here now. anxiety is yet another facet of all that goes on. and for me too as a child, muteness.
actually, i totally agree with your first point. there are of course times when 'reflection' applies, but i don't agree it always does. thank you for pointing that out. i also agree about standing ground and facing conflict, but positivism, to the exclusion of anything negative, is one thing that people seem to think is the better solution.
it irks me, but i'm east coast born. i believe we cannot realistically discuss solutions until we learn to listen. discuss what the issue is. there are too many people who don't want to deal with emotions or conflict, don't want to complain because conflict freaks them out. or there is the fear that they might piss off the big power/ money guys and get cut off, so they rattle off the trite positive thinking platitude and nothing is resolved. it's all still buried there, waiting.
as to the sensory perception, I may be HSP, we are very similar there. however i was referring to my nephew. if he goes off medication, he turns into a screaming 5 year old in any setting. he is 14. his case is pretty extreme. my other nephew, his twin, had behavioral issues and adhd which put him in juvenile away school at the age of 12 for disruptive behavior.
on the mistrust, yes, this is a factor in most relationships, but its tainted more by anxiety and fear. i've learned to cope at this stage, but it took about ten years to unlearn the habits from childhood. i still need to work on relationships more than the normal person because i get super anxious. being online is great for the distance and space it provides.
point being is that i want people to realize that there are a lot of things pushed under the radar because people do not want to talk about them. mental illnesses, physical illnesses, underlying conditions. they arent taken seriously as you so aptly wrote, they are covered under insurance in only extreme conditions, and only until it's proven that the parents arent somehow at fault for abusing their kids.
as a society we are looking at this but there are so many generations that are living with this and trying to cope. this is just my way of trying to bring it into the greater social consciousness. awareness is good.
The other key thing I want to point out is that people seem to think introverts should just learn to be extroverted. Like we are just slow and need a book to read about how to do it. I'm a good friend, and I take it a whole lot more seriously because I value it. I don't cheapen it by trying to on and throwing it away when it becomes too much of a hassle. As an introvert I'm really tired of people assuming I should be the one to change to fit extroverted parameters. That is big business talking. No thanks.