Hello there, its me again, turtledance24, your friendly reptile... Wait, am I an amphibian or a reptile. Googles.

This photo is borrowed here
If you're one of the people who has been interacting to me for a while on the internet or someone that knows me personally, I think somehow you already know that I'm kinda resilient and I'm good at doing the same thing again and again. In short, I'm stubborn AF that I'm good at real grinding.

My lifestyle is most likely like this, I go to the gym every morning then spend my whole day drawing or writing or something else on the internet. You might say that I am just hamming myself up so I sound like someone who is disciplined and great but I have proofs to show, just check out all the comics that I drew these past months along the writings that I made for my steem, instagram, facebook and other accounts.

The thing is, I wasn't always as edgy as this before. Before, I used to spend my whole day playing games like Dota 2 or League of Legends. I play games, daze off for some hours thinking of things then study a little. Yeah, even with all these lazy quirks, I still had found myself some time to study and work a little.

I still study and work a little during those times everyday because even though I used to be a lazy fuck I still have a dream to accomplish, its only that I have no much motivation and fuel that time. I think I spent 2 years of my life like that everyday, numbing all the pain with a video game, processes my thought for what I want to do in the future and sharpen my skills for a few hours or minutes a day so just that I can say to myself that I had accomplished something that day. I personally think that even though that those years are inactive those years are still healthy and meaningful years for me to grow emotionally and mentally as an individual.

Like, there was this saying in the English language that "if one didn't spend any tom foolery in his or her younger years, one wouldn't be a strong adult"... Its not the very quote cause I can't remember the full quote but the message of this proverb is "one needs time to soul search so he becomes a good and useful individual when he grows up". Thats how I interpreted that proverb personally and that is how I approached my life.

Personally, with a toxic environment where I had been, it is hard to imagine even for me on how much I had traveled psychologically and philosopically. Like, even now that I live off without needing to work anymore, I'm still judged for not being in the norm. I'm officially a NEET but not because life chose me to, I'm a NEET cause it was my choice because being a NEET will make it easier for me to achieve things that I personally want unlike if I go for a work that isn't really concerned about me but only the company that isn't even mine.

I have revenues in some things that I did before(I'm not sharing to anyone what that is) that is why I am able to live off comfortably without having a job which makes me better than most people who needs one. But still, I'm an alien to everyone here, a disgusting alien.

Moving on from that, the catalyst that fueled me into an edgy guy today is, believe it or not, is a girl that I met years ago. Our social status and abilities are greatly far apart in a mile but even though that is the case, she still gave me a chance to be a part of her life.

Being with her made me feel a lot of insecurities and fear, insecurities because of how superior she is socially wise and characteristics wise(I'm not sure of what right term to use but you should get the point now, she is so talented). And fear that I will lose her if I don't grow at least as good as her. Well, to cut it short, we didn't made it. She had to leave me and I wasn't able to follow. When I was able to go to her and find her, things were way different already, we can't be together anymore.

It was a painful experience to work very hard into something and failing in the end but also thanks to that, I accomplished a lot of things along the way, personally. From point "A", I was able to move to point "Z", thanks to my faith that I can still make it happen. It took me less than a week to move on from that and several years then, here I am.

So what does this post have to do with going to the gym? Well, like any other activities that requires grinding, gym needs fuel and motivation but more likely the most important thing is , you "to get started". Yeah, I dazed off and slacked of for several years but I still did it even at least a few hours or minutes a day rather than nothing at all. That is my main motto in life, " do not let a day pass without you achieving anything for your tomorrow". Like, move in baby steps, go to the gym, work out your butt and then keep it going. I know you'll somehow feel lazy to keep coming back after a month or three but still, keep on going even with just an hour or a half an hour a day of work out. A little is better than nothing at all.

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Well, that is all for this post!