Roots and Wings
I Feel a little antsy around big holidays like Christmas and New Year’s. Seems like everyone else is posting more often on social media sites at these times, I tend to post less. I get a little FOMO and self critical. I basically do exactly what I want to do for the holidays but then in hindsight I start comparing it to all the other happy family photos that other people are sharing. Are we happy enough? Did I do enough? Is it my responsibility to be the family entertainment director and make everyone happy?
Yes.
No.
Both.
All of it and none of it are the answers, and they change in my head moment to moment when I get like this.
Then to compound my holiday’s angst this year...we just moved to Puerto Rico, permanently, this past Saturday. My 20 year old boys came down with us to see our place and enjoy a few days at the beach. They head back to Tennessee tomorrow for school and other pursuits.
They’re leaving.
Total separation from us.
For real this time.
I mean, sure we will visit often. But, We will be living in different states and 1,400 miles apart. They will really be on their own without us, and us without them for months at a time. So apply all those ansgty questions above ☝🏼about whether or not you did enough, and the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s to your entire role and responsibilities as a parent -
and that’s where I’m at today trying to settle into my new home in paradise.
I know the answers. I preach this shit! Our only responsibility in life is to figure out exactly who we truly are and then do the shit out of it. We are each responsible for our own happiness. To cast off our encumbrances, to heal ourselves, and to get out of our own way. So when I start feeling anxious about my kids’ happiness and wellbeing, it’s just a nudge from the universe reminding me to let go and trust. To take care of myself, pursue my own happiness and give them space to find their own ways.
I’m not a perfect person nor a perfect parent. I’m lazy and forgetful and selfish sometimes. I’m human. But overall I know I’ve done and provided the best I could at the time throughout their lives. They know they are loved and that we have their backs. They will find their way. They will make their own happiness. Our roots will always be entwined together and now we must each spread our wings.
I love it when my parents worry too much. It makes me feel like i am still needed and loved just like when i was a 6 year old. Even though i'm all grown up and can totally take good care of myself, they still remind me of things like "remember to brush your teeth in the evening" or "stay away from bad company" and a whole lot.
It always feels good to be wanted especially by those care about. I applaud you for constantly thinking about your kids. Trust me,they will never forget it and they will do same for their families one day. I know i will.
Now that is a whole different perspective that I’d failed to consider. Maybe my angst makes my kids feel more loved?! There are many types of love languages, and yes I think some people do enjoy that. Thank you for your honest and insightful comment. That really got me thinking this morning.
my parents fretting over me just irritates me (I love them. They are wonderful people. But their angst triggers my angst so I try and avoid it...and that’s whole other post...😉😂)
You are right. Everyone has a unique way of expressing their affection but i personally believe ,it is the effort that counts.
This is very very touching and it reminds me of the time, when I moved away form my parents... so yes, that was the other way round.
I didn't think that much about it, but my parents were sad, that I got on a train that would take me to the other end of the country. Although Germany is not that big, it was still some 600 miles.. with no skype or anything like that. I understand their feelings much better today, and I am very happy they are close. Geographically as well as in age. And I still ask myself the same questions you do...
So we are torn. Between head and heart. Interestingly in Tarot between them is "movement, action, going somewhere..."
Thanks my friend. We are fortunate these days with the ability to stay better connected from afar with Skype etc. Although my real angst is “did we do enough or were/are we ‘good enough’ parents,” and when that old angst demon of mine comes up for me every interaction with them can trigger it further. So in that respect Skype potentially keeps me interacting and uncomfortable! 😂 but, I will work through it.
I always appreciate your tarot insights and your lovely cards, which are each unique works of art from your hands. 🙌🏽 Sounds exactly right in the battle between my head and my heart. My heart just loves my kids, calls me to follow my dreams, and longs to see them follow theirs. And my damn head tries to chime in and question all of that.
I’m intrigued by the last line of your comment, but don’t entirely understand it. Can you please explain more regarding “movement, action, going somewhere...”? Are you just saying my situation sounds like the space in life that those 3 cards in a row represent?
You know, I think the question of "are we good enough parents... (or children when you get a little older)" is as old as our ability to think. And in hindsight, there is always something, that might have been done better.. although at the time you most likely did the best you knew and could. When I look at your children, I know you are both awesome parents!
I used to always worry about everything. Still remember how my friends in my Chicago days always said to me "you worry too much". Its gotten a lot better. Also thanks to my wonderful wife who has a very down to earth attitude towards many things... We are both lucky with the person we found to share our lives with :-)
As for that last line... you see, I use "my" Tarot in a rather playful way, not as serious as many of those who are really into it. And, maybe because of my job, I always "see" references, something associated, things in a picture arranged in a certain way and so on... so, when I thought about the struggle between your head and mind, those two tarot cards popped up in front of my inner eye. And somehow it appeared interesting, that their order seemed to reflect your situation. You are literally moving. The meaning of VII-Chariot is being active, even adventurous, actively venturing out into the big wide world, away from "home"... and as you do this, you seem to be torn between VI-Lovers (heart) and VIII-Justice (mind).
It never occurred to me before that the sequence of these three cards has any significance, actually always found it a bit strange... but I see this new aspect there now :-)
You are wise my friend. It is nice to know I’m not the only one prone to spells of excessive worry. It’s just so much change in my life right now...that is often a trigger for me to start overthinking.
And yes it works both ways I suppose...good enough parents, and good enough children. There is so much to worry about! Just kidding...deep inside I know it’s all just head games but it can feel so real when we get wrapped up in our worries.
I love the way you playfully and intuitively use “your”tarot cards, and your “inner eye” is spot on. The pull and sometimes conflict between the head and the heart with the venturing out (VII) card in between. What’s really funny is that another system I use very regularly to help me understand life and relationships is the Enneagram. There are 9 types of personalities that manifest in that system (many, many more subtypes, but 9 main) and within that system I’m a 6, Sean is an 8, and our daughter is a 7. 😳 weird huh?
Sorry, I didn't reply the way I should have and wanted to right away.. my dad was taken to the hospital and the question of being a good sun has gotten a whole different weight. We've had our fair share of problems with each other, but when you are confronted with the fact, that something could happen to him, the head really starts spinning. So far its looking alright though 🤞
I want to learn more about that Enneagram you mentioned. Wonder how the numbers correspond to Tarot... if I am not mistaken, Sean is an attorney, right? Major theme of 8 😁so the 6 (heart/emotions) and 8 (mind) make sense... if your daughter is very active and adventurous, never gets bored and likes to travel and be in distant places, its really "weird"!
HI! This post is very honest! It shows that we are all people and we are not perfect! Thanks for sharing!
I just posted a post about nude yoga, I bet you'll like it! Kisses! <3
On my eyes everything looks perfect
Thank you, and My life is pretty close to perfect. My struggles are inside and in my head. I’ll work thru it and they will pass.
I can understand how you feel, but you've raised them right and although they will be gone, it is not forever and you will see them again. Be positive!
Thanks for the encouragement, and I’m trying to see the silver linings. But I don’t believe faking positivity solves anything. For me, I have to dig into negative feelings when they come to figure out the roots, and I do that through writing this blog. Then I can see truth and let it go.
i love your post
Thank you 🙏🏽
tnx
So amazing post
woow nice i like it.
nice dear resteemd @steemed-open
Thanks
Nice view! I think I know what you mean about feeling around the holidays. My husband is like that. A lot of introspection.
Ya, I think it happens to a lot of people. Hope your husband is working through his phase.