A Retreat Journey: #2 The difference between Seek and Find
18 December, 2018
06:00pm.
In addition to the lists I wrote yesterday, I am adding new goals such as: emptying my mind and thoughts, clearing caches, anything that has been weighing me for the past 12 months. I want to start 2019 with a fresh outlook in life. I want to be ready for whatever life throws at me next, I want to discover myself more,I want to know what I like, dislike, hate, and love.
I want to find my motivation. The reason that I am still here, alive, and breathing. I want to cleanse the negative thoughts, the stresses and negativity. I know I can do this. I can start fresh, be a new person with a fresh outlook.
I want to find clarity by reflecting to things I did in the past. In hope,I will balance my thoughts and my heart. I wish to stop making decision based on my impulses which often didn’t go well.
I want to teach myself humility, perseverance,self-control, discipline and thoughts organization by writing a daily journal. I don’t think this will be a Vipassana even I was reading what I am about to do is going to be very similar with that practice.
I want to attain that peace, to find the way, to trace my way and to be something.
“ When someone is seeking,” Said Siddharta, it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing that he is seeking;that he is unable to find anything, unable to describe anything, because he is only thinking of the thing he is seeking, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means; to have a goal but finding means; to be free, to be receptive to have no goal. You, O worthy one, perhaps indeed a seeker, for striving towards your goal, you don’t see many things that are under your nose.” - Siddharta by Herman Hesse.
Those were the excerpt that I emphasized today. It was a conversation between Siddharta and Govinda, his friend. The “ wants” that I just wrote down, made me a seeker. Although I really want to be like Siddharta, without a goal, to be free, to learn from the water, the wind, the inanimate objects, the ants or even, the dandelion. We’ll find this along the way.
Notes :
This was the journal I wrote right after I decided to keep my phone away and starting my journey. It was also the day when I finished all of my final assignment and free from school obligations. I was thrilled that time because I am about to do something I deemed scary and impossible.
I was cutting my internet consumption at 6:00pm and on. The first thing I did was answering questions I found earlier on the internet about favorite things.
Stay tuned for the next following days. If you want to read the previous journey, check out the links below:
- A retreat experience, what is it like living without internet connection ?
- A Retreat Journey : #1 The Why
Signed, M.
Learning from the ants, that reminds me of a post I wrote last year ( I guess it was April ) when I had just arrived in Portual.
I guess the main thing is to feel good about what you do and how you do things. Living too rigid a life does not make you feel any better/ happier.
Many things you named in your last post, I learned from reading the book Circadian Code. The main thing I did and have been done for the last two and a half / three months, is sticking to an eating routine ( all meals and drinks - except water - in a 10 hour window. Preferably starting around 9am and ending at 7PM plus trying to go to bed around 11. Cutting back on (artificial ) light and screen time, two of my other aims for general wellbeing are still tough for me though.
P.S. Another thing I have been fairly good at ( but have been for quite some time ) is getting enough exercise ( in nature/ outdoor ) and daily meditation ( if possible, just after waking up ).
By the way, I never read Siddhartha.
Another book recommendation : the book Circadian Code
I am currently reading steppenwolf! :-D it's pretty interesting :)
I only know the band Steppenwolf. Or 'knew'.
One of their songs ( Born to be Wild ) is part of the soundtrack of the 1969 roadmovie Easy Rider ( one of the first parts of actor Jack Nicholson ). Ever seen that film?
P.S. Just duckduckgo-ed the book and found out it's by Herman Hesse ( too ). Will need to give that author a read one of these days.