Contemplation..

It was a little surreal, literally sitting on the dock, and listening to someone’s radio play the classic Otis reading track 'Sitting on the dock of the bay.'

I sat there, for a couple of hours at least, just contemplating. ( I threw my watch into the river, back in Paris)

I had been a few months on the road traveling, and this really was the first time I had stopped to think..
The last few months of doing nothing were surprisingly hectic, and not a time to reflect, more like a kaleidoscope of moments of acting, reacting, learning, moving, and learning more again.

My learning curve was steep.
I had jumped from a 9-5 existence, when a football team on TV, scoring a goal with 4 minutes to the end of the match, was excitement.(yep, honestly)

I looked back on my 'old existence', and it was hard to visualize what it was. I could visualize the actions, but not the reasons for those actions.
At the risk of cliché, it really was like watching someone else’s life, on film. Certainly not real.

How could that be?
I came to the conclusion all realities are real, until you immerse yourself, breathe in, another version - a stronger version of it.
You become a new person. A different person.
Then the weaker version becomes a memory, and is not quite real any more.

And there is no rewind on a new, more vital, more real, version of life.

I have seen, (in the thousands probably) people who 'take a year out, man', travel the world, and then return to living an existence.
A Job. A mortgage.

I have never understood this dynamic of behaviour, except to think they were always tourists, with a backpack, just taking a long holiday, and never finding the thing 'they thought' they had set out to taste.
5000 photographs, and 12 countries later, with a dozen passport stamps – and no change in 'reality' -seems like an awful waste of time, and a chance in a lifetime, missed.
The chance to 'power up'.

If the purpose of travel is to show you a different reality, a freedom, rather than a 'really cool temple, man', then I fear the last 20 year tsunami of backpackers traveling the globe, with a credit card (and a helpline home), has failed.

I am not being arrogant, or superior, you see.

I earned it .
I am seeing my freedom everyday.

I earned my stripes - with every night sleeping rough, every dangerous position I found myself in, every leap into the unknown I had to take.

I taste it everyday. It's not a concept. It's real.

If you are conceptualising this freedom, and not tasting it, as you read this, - then you don't have it. I feel sad for you. ( I don't do sympathy)

And the bummer ?- wanting it doesn’t cut it. You take it or you don’t. It's not easy, there is no rewind.

Freedom from the shackles you never even felt you had around you, is sweet.
The sweetest thing ever.

It also costs.... A lot.

Only an idiot would think something this valuable doesn't cost a lot.
Maybe the highest price for anything, that you will ever pay.........

So then the very uncomfortable question arises, to each individual.

Would I prefer to be a comfortable slave in society, or would I prefer to have freedom, hardship – danger?
Choosing an easy life - and slavery - also means you have to fight freedom – to stifle it. It's too painful to know it's out there, but you never took the chance.
Bitterness is corrosive.

Many people will find that very uncomfortable, as they put on their chains again, and drive to work.

I'll just keep sitting on the dock of the bay, until I decide not to.

I answer to no authority.

Enjoy reading the lyrics,and listening to, - my funeral song......;)

Metallica – Wherever I may roam

And the road becomes my bride
And the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride, so in her I do confide
And she keeps me satisfied, gives me all I need
And with dust in throat I crave
Only knowledge will I save, to the game you stay a slave
Rover, wanderer, nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will
But I'll take my time anywhere
Free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere
Anywhere I roam, where I lay my head is home
And the earth becomes my throne
And the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown, under wandering stars I've grown
By myself but not alone, I ask no one
And my ties are severed clean
The less I have the more I gain, off the beaten path I reign
Rover, wanderer, nomad, vagabond
Call me what you will, But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll never mind anywhere
Anywhere I roam, where I lay my head is home
But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind
And I'll take my time anywhere
Anywhere I roam, where I lay my head is home
But I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
And I'll redefine anywhere
Anywhere I roam, where I lay my head is home
Carved upon my stone
My body lie but still I roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may wander, wander, wander
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam
Wherever I may roam