Adults and reconciliation of the past. Part 2

Memories.
I have a very clear memory – of my very young childhood.
I was 5 at the time.

I finished school. My mom used to pick me up, and drop me off with my dad, and I spent the rest of the day with my him until bedtime, most days.
This day didn't happen like that.

I finished school, and my mom wasn't there to pick me up. Crisis! Panic!
(I was always a hairs breadth away from feeling like I wasn't much cared for.)
Hence panic was quick to jump to the fore, when something like my mom not showing up, happened!
I remember crying after a while (time line isn't the clearest).

What seemed like 200 years later, my mom duly arrives (of course), and was probably, in reality, not that long.
In my reality it was still 200 years.
I remember that feeling of abandonment. Of being left on my own. The pain. That is the relevant point to this story of patterns.

Zip forward, past my 'teen consultation' days, to my late teens.(https://steemit.com/blog/@lucylin/adults-and-reconciliation-of-the-past-part-1)

Bear with me, as I give you some details of my life – they are pertinent, as you will see...

I left home at 17, as soon as I could.
I got a job, a house, a girlfriend. (a school romance spanning 3 years, on and of)
We lived together, and was very happy.

I did exceptionally well in my job, getting promoted quickly from position to position until I was the sales manager of the UK. - I had just hit 21 at this point, and was the youngest sales manager ever - in the company. Within 2 years, had made it the most profitable, and with the highest turnover, in the 35 years of that company doing business.

( I wasn't that good, just lucky. Right place right time, tbh).
At that point, I lost all interest in the job, and was bored beyond belief.
Within 6 months I had given my notice, and set off traveling around the world.
(I gave all my 'stuff' - including a house – to my then ex girlfriend- who didn't want to travel with me. Our 4/5 year relationship was over).

I met another girl on my travels, and she did like traveling. After 4/5 years, we split up.

During that time, I turned a failing club (girly bar), into one of the busiest in over 60 in the area.
It took me 9 months to achieve that success and when I was offered a very good opportunity to stay, I declined.

A couple of years later, I opened a backpacker hostel with someone.
After 3 years of very hard work, it was one of the busiest hostels in the city, and was looking to expand to two other cities. (a serious cash cow). I found a reason to walk away from that opportunity. (of a lifetime, possibly).

I met my next girlfriend while back in London. We were together just over 4 years, and then we split up.

I had a beach resort that was also very successful, and I also found reasons to walk away from that.

Anyone seeing a pattern here?

4/5 years of old when feeling abandoned – and one way or another, my relationships with my girlfriends last just that amount of time....
I freely admit to being the main reason the relationships break up - in hindsight of course. Is the pain of abandonment I felt when I was 4/5 years old, still scarring my emotional landscape?

Once I get a business successful I lose interest, and find an 'excuse' to cease doing that business any more.

Exactly what I did when helping out the ailing family business.

Found a solution, worked that solution hard until it was realized - Until it was a success - and then moved on, regardless of whether that was to my personal detriment or not.

This pattern has occurred ever since I did the 'consultation' for my family.
And the time frame for my relationships with girlfriends has always been 4/5 years.
Coincidence with that being the one emotional, powerful memory I have as a child?- Maybe.
And maybe not. I don't honestly know.
But I would take a wild guess it has something to do with it.

I can now see myself repeating these patterns in my life.
Now I do recognize it, and will break this cycle.
(It took me enough time to realize it, I know.) But with this realization, also comes a freedom.

With that knowledge, comes the power to change your unconscious patterns. (possibly).
Having neither the opportunity of a business enterprise to tempt me, or a relationship of that time span, I can't honestly say if anything has changed, no matter how conscious it might be now.
(or even if my theorizing is valid).

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In my opinion

Unless these underlying issues and patterns of behavior, are brought to the conscious mind - and recognized - no matter what 'self empowerment' techniques of the day are being attempted, the hard-wired patterns will absorb new 'teachings', and utilize them in some way - so that continuation of old patterns still manifest themselves.

Regardless of the new 'self empowerment' techniques.

As an analogy – It's like to stitching a wound up, and saying 'there you go, fixed' - while ignoring the cut vein deep inside, still gushing blood.
The stitches might give the appearance of fixing, but sooner or later, it won't matter, as the vein keep gushing...

Oh ….
I will have been with my girlfriend for four years, next month...

Interesting times....