Adults and reconciliation of the past. Part 1

I read a book - a long time ago - something about always trying to replicate your happiest childhood time, as an adult.
I'm not sure where I read it, but for some reason, it always stayed with me...

This can be both good and bad of course, depending on the experience of childhood.
You see, happiness is not connected to logic, and so can create conflicting paradigms within your brain.

For example, imagine if your happiest feeling, as a child (subconscious or not), was when you saw your mum and dad arguing. ( remember logic is not in play here, it's just your emotional state.)

So -for whatever reason- (no logic) that was the time in your childhood you were at your happiest, happiest state.

Fast forward 30 years, and is it any surprise, you ( unconsciously) argue with your partner, while the kids are around....?

It was another post that prompted me down this train of thought, and in doing so dissecting my own personal history, and just how it has shaped me to be the person I am today.

This has also prompted me to question a lot of so called 'empowerment techniques'.

I think the wiring fitted inside the brain when younger, not only has far reaching effects (we all know that, right), but in some ways maybe hard-wired in such way, but to make you that person you are today.
An unchanging mold – set hard, so to speak.
That does not mean bad, or good, just a perspective.

All the self empowering in the world is a superficial brainwashing -that may well work - is still going through the filter of a previous, 'hard-wired' brain pattern formed in childhood/developing years.

Without understanding that 'hard-wire' that was laid down years ago, and without utilizing it in your life today –i.e. not denying its existence - you will always find yourself in conflict – with yourself.

With that in mind, I am going to lay out what I have seen in my own 'happy times' in my younger years, and how I now understand, see how - and why more importantly- I have led the life, and made the decisions, I have.

Maybe this will help other people reconcile, rather than fight , the person they are. And show a way to turn things to your advantage by using, not denying, your childhood reality.

My early childhood years is a blur of insecure people making me insecure (or trying their best any way)
I had 'time out' from cacophony of weirdness, with hours just me and my dad – (the only 'sane' person in my childhood).

In my very early teens, I became 'a consultant' for my family.

Strange but true.
You see, I was the only one with any brains – intellectually speaking.
My dad was very wise, in a different way, but of no help to him in trying to find a way out of a failing business.
The rest of my family had a combined IQ of approximately 50 – if I was being generous. And had the same use.
This is where I shone – and everyone knew it.
I became (for the first time can consciously remember) a valued commodity to the rest of my family.

(I use the term commodity, as it certainly wasn’t an emotional thing. It was a functional use.)

I was very, very happy.

It was a feeling I will never forget – Of being valued, by the family. (forget the reason, no logic at play, here)
Excluding my dad, who I always knew valued, and loved me, from as young as I can remember.

Anyway, I spent my hours, after school, going through all the finances, working out repayments to the twats – sorry, banks.

I came up with a plan!
This was not a financial package plan - this was a 'thinking out of the box' plan and one that would more than resolve the immediate problem.
It would also give at least 5 years of hassle free life for the family, the business, and a much, much needed breathing space.
(10 years of constant pressure from a bank is not mentally healthy for anyone)

So, over the next 2 months, I helped implement this plan ( it took time), and 6 months later, it came to fruition.
Problems solved for 5 years at least.
I felt happy. Very happy indeed. And appreciated, by a family that had never shown such emotion.

And this! - is what shaped my life, and my future decisions, and choices. (I think I am pretty sure, anyway).

Of course, earlier experiences will have shaped me also, but ones I cannot state, as they wernt conscious.
This one is, and when you read the next part, and how my life panned out, decisions I took, it will all fall into place.

Hopefully it will spark something deep in you, and help you reconcile things you didn't even recognise as being 'things'.

I certainly didn't.

Pert 2........ coming when I can assemble all the things in my head, into a coherent format!