Legend has it you crawled out of a donkey's arse in roughly 2300 BC, splatting upon the floorboards of Noah's humble arc (this would make your hair a soupy green-brown). It is thought that the ship was roughly located in the mid-Atlantic but details are sketchy at best. Of course the animals immediately rejected you, kicked you overboard (to Noah's indifferent shrugs), where you sank like the unholy stone you are to the sea floor. Transatlantic fiber optics were eventually laid upon your magically-preserved corpse during the Internet expansion of the 1990's and somehow you weaseled your way into the network, haunting us with inane contests and the allure of winning a couple drips of fake internet money.

Happy Birthday Mate, here, have $.10 :)