What Not to Say is Really, Really, Very Important Not To Say ...

in #blog4 years ago

I remember giving a good friend this piece of advice long ago, and him not getting it. You would think it would be easy to understand, after all is just a matter of knowing when to listen, instead of talking, but all of us struggle with this at some point in time, including me.

In life everything is a negotiation, absolutely everything. I’m not just talking about business per say, buying things, selling things, I’m actually referring to anything we do. In our relationships, you could say we also participate of negotiations, and it’s probably because of this fact that the best negotiators learn when to be quiet and listen.

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Believe me, I’m not saying that we must not voice our opinion, of course not. But I am talking about knowing when to do so, or even if we have to. Ask yourself the question: Does being right mean that you won? Ask yourself that as you enter negotiations and keep that in the forefront of your mind.

Some of the best negotiation deals I’ve ever been part of, have been those were I kept my mind in control, in balance. Knowing what not to share, is probably more important than the things you should say. Think about that for a second.

“Knowing what not to say, is more important than what you are saying”

This is connected with being a better listener, yes, but also at becoming a more effective communicator. Sometimes when we are negotiating a situation we add so much emotion to the conversation that all we do is cause confusion.

So next time you are thinking about sitting in a negotiation table, think about that little line. Maybe it can help you as much as it has helped me over the years.

Remember "What Not to Say is Really, Really, Very Important Not To Say ..." -@chbartist

Very important:
I would really like it if those who read these posts would take their time to support, to upvote those who have taken their time to read, understand and leave meaninunful comments, in the same way that I do. From now on I will stop upvoting those who self vote on their comments, and I would suggest everyone to do the same.

Why? Because believe me: This is how you build a good network, with good people. Like this everyone can win recognition.

If you are new here reading my blog be sure to read the previous post because as I said earlier I am writing a number of them and to understand every context that I wish to teach for everyone it is important that you understand that they are interconnected step by step to build this journey of change of mentality and positivism.

Don't forget to follow @chbartist and resteem these posts if you like them. The content and conversations could be valuable to someone else, even if you don't know that person.

Wishing you all the best





“Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves together; that at length they may emerge, full-formed and majestic, into the daylight of Life, which they are thenceforth to rule. Not William the Silent only, but all the considerable men I have known, and the most undiplomatic and unstrategic of these, forbore to babble of what they were creating and projecting. Nay, in thy own mean perplexities, do thou thyself but hold thy tongue for one day: on the morrow, how much clearer are thy purposes and duties; what wreck and rubbish have those mute workmen within thee swept away, when intrusive noises were shut out! Speech is too often not, as the Frenchman defined it, the art of concealing Thought; but of quite stifling and suspending Thought, so that there is none to conceal. Speech too is great, but not the greatest. As the Swiss Inscription says: Sprecfien ist silbern, Schweigen ist golden (Speech is silvern, Silence is golden); or as I might rather express it: Speech is of Time, Silence is of Eternity.”
― Thomas Carlyle, Sartor Resartus

Hi friend, I don't know what the best description for choose in your comment. Great! Have a great week!

The words used by the author was quite old or ancient.
But I just love the last sentence:

Speech is of Time, Silence is of Eternity.”

Welcome back @chbartist , I agree with you that we should not say unrelated and meaningless words and also those words on which we had to regret later. We should think twice before speaking something, As it's useless to cry over spilt milk. 2ndly I Am also against on self voting. You said right that we should support either by upvoting every meaningful post.
I'm currently suffering from hardfork due to which my activity is limited, at this time my resource credits are 9% only, so I cannot have more conversation, sorry. But you have my upvote, thanks @chbartist

Hello my friend, good to see you. No need to apologize for your upvote being low. That's not what's important to me. The important thing is that we can build a supportive community here in my blog and that is my main objective. What I encourage is that you always vote for those who have taken the time to make a comment whether it is from the analysis of the post or that they read the post and show some learning. You're always very welcome! Regards

I like that attitude !
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The person who understand that how his or her words will effect someone is known as a mature being. Because he know his impluse action can ruin everything. Whenever we unintentionally say something when we are angry or sad just after a moment we realise that it was not right sometimes the most caring person becomes the victim of our anger. We only hurt them who loves us the most so its better to think before we speak or be silent.

Perfect words! Thank you for read and for you excellent comment!

Here is the funny thing with me. It's not like I don't know or understand the lessons in knowing when to be still but lately I have been having to apologise especially to my partner quite a bit about emotional outbursts and lack of truly listening to him. I guess I am just grateful to have someone who loves me enough to talk to me about my little moments and who is happy to accept my apologies but at the same time I don't think it's wise to continue with the outbursts as it will cause tension and resentment. Thank you for the piece, It has confirmed some age-old wisdom which we should all get a reminder of every now and then.
It's interesting also how it's easier for me to adhere to the quiet negotiator role when conducting business but when it's in my personal life I allow my emotions to take over. Totally need to work on this.

Great words, thank you for ...LOL

i have read this many times and over, to make sure i understand and make it stick to my head, because of recent i have being speaking my mind when dealing with personal relationships and it has almost caused me enough damage. in as much as i feel i should say what i have too, being a good listener and knowing what not too say will be even better . hard to practice when speaking under emotions but it will do me more good.
will resteem this for my personal reference.
i had written about it here,

This prose is inspiring and educational on so many levels. In my lifetime, I have met a lot of people who, one would dare say, had certain problems of attitude. They were always well aware of their problems but knew not what to do about them. Some of them were even proud, thinking that others should accept them for who they are, regardless of their poor manners and lack of politeness and sensibility when having a professional conversation. They knew the problem and instead of accepting that that IS a problem, they accepted the nature of that problem and wished for others to accept and come to terms with it, too.

And I think that is a problem, as you so articulately put in your blog post. Sometimes it is not a matter of acceptance, but what is right and what is wrong and what sort of reaction we should have to the problems of our attitude.

Exactly, the most important thing is almost always the attitude. Regards

@chbartist Thank you so much for sharing this observation. Could not agree more. I have another illustrative example. A few weeks ago I went to Bulgaria to a training course about "hate speech". 1 week with 30 people from 10 different countries. During one session in the middle of the week, "hate speech fighters" started having super rough and impolite discussion regarding gipsies. For half an hour an entire conference room was filled in with shouts, screams and racial slurs. I said nothing. An entire time I just sat there observing those well-educated (I thought so) people moving their hands if they were chimpanzees. At the end of the session, one of the initiators of the discussion (can I even call it a discussion?) approached me and asked why I kept silent if I am the most active participant? I looked at him (at this time, I am 85% sure that I was not even hiding my disappointment) and said: "well, there was no discussion and sometimes, you do not need to say anything to be heard." His face... I still remember his facial expression. It was absolutely priceless. He never spoke with me ever since.


Raise the value of your argument, not your voice.

What a great summary.

Thank you for your time and great comment!

This is very, very true ... sometimes we try to give too much emphasis to a story to make it interesting, but the truth is that there is a thin line between giving emotion and causing irritation ... the truth is that being calm, and be authentic, make a big difference <3 your blog is perfect <3

Thank you for your kind words!

Muy bueno tu comentario, me ha gustado.


Greetings of the day, I have gone through your article as usual it is awesome, very positive and informative. As i said when i read your last blog im a continuous reader of your posts. I always follow your strategy in my real life. you really wrote awesome lines in this blog.

when to listen, instead of talking.

This is a great question. everyone don't pay attention toward this question. we don't listen with the intent of understand we listen with the intent of replay. this is the biggest mistake of our life. if we participate in any conversation then we have to listen carefully what others are speaking. According to me we have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more then we say.

most people in the world don't really use their brains to think. And people who don't think are the ones who don't listen to others.

Great question asked by you

Does being right mean that you won?

that is not necessary if you are right then you always won sometimes you have to lose when u are right.

At last i just want to say listening is most important then speaking

Thanks for your article waiting for next article.


Thank you @asks. Good see you

this is an informative post and indeed has a lesson in life.

Welcome from HF20 @chbartist. Thanks for this post as it concerns the BASICS OF NEGOTIATION without which no meaningful success can be achieved in Life.

Yes! , What Not To Say Could be More Important than What To Say . But if we are to be more Conscious with much of "What Not To Say" , HOW DO WE SAY THAT WHICH MUST BE COMMUNICATED??

I opined , it should be HOW to say that Which Must Be Said to engender the Desired to ALL PARTY!!

Happy New October to All Steemians, including YOU ,who is Reading ME Now!!!

Happy New October friend! Success!

@chbartist! Yes brother. We have to focus on what not to say. Because it will automatically made my words those we have to say. yeah it is one kind of positive attitude. Carry on bruh. Its a magnificent article.

Thank You! Regards

welcome brother.

Sometimes one word which is said good and in the right moment might be better than three sentences that do not make any sense

Exactly friend!

Muy buena enseñanza en verdad es mas importante callar lo que no debemos decir y escuchar atentamente para poder responder adecuadamente y con sabiduría, muchas gracias por tu aporte.

Gracias amigo.

Always think before you speak. & well said, "Knowing what not to say is more important than knowing what to say"!
Keep it up Thank You!!

Lol....Exactly! Regards

Muy cierto tu tema, muy veces divagamos o decimos cosas sin sentido en ocasiones que ni cuenta nos damos, y una acción crea una cadena. Pero, en lo personal deberíamos ser más participantes a escuchar y a decir menos, ser mas detallistas, y decir lo esencial

Gracias por su comentario. Saludos

Sin duda es importante tomarse el tiempo para escuchar , evitar solo ir y detenerse a escuchar me a pasado que por lo emocional se genera tantas suposiciones que se genera una conflicto sin razón ser ni necesidad e incluso se terminan relaciones de pareja y amistad por no saber escuchar , parte de tu explicación la tomare para seguir en mi trabajo interno que incluye como mejorar la comunicación y ser mas asertiva. Gracias .

You are cent percent correct..... Not only officially, even on your casual talks, you have to think twice before you speakup....only god knows what provokes ones feelings.....

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Thank you for read and comment!

Ofcourse sir!
You always come with new inspiring thaughts that can change spirit of thinking.
We should helpful to others so that we can give firm shape to our community .

Thank you certain! Have a nice week!

Becoming a good listener says that you are a good speaker this what I think and I applied in my daily life. Great blog once again

Hello my friend I start follow you during the hard Fork 20 in which my feed was a little dry. I really love your content. If you see that my English is a little

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Robotic is because written by my phone and the English is not my first language so sorry about any mistake. Indeed the last comment take his own away before I finish to write. Best regards!!

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Thank you for read my friend! Are You Welcome, Regards!

Thank you for read my friend! Are You Welcome, Regards!

Its true but its a human tendency to say something which he/she shouldn't say it. I do it many times whenever I get to know some secrets about friends I couldn't hide it from sharing it with other friends in the group. Actually I shouldn't but I cannot stop it.. Its common in most of the people. Obviously people the bad spreads faster than the good!!!!......

No doubt friend, but it is important to try to change this attitude and this starts for ourselves. Regards

This has really helped alot, I'll put it in mind. I figured people want you to say things you don't have to say.... But with this, I've learnt a great deal on how to make people not make me do what I don't want to... Thanks for this

Thanks! Have a great day!

Great to see you back doing what you actually know how to do very well. Thinking about your write-up, most time we actually think a lot about what to say.
This actually opened up my mind that their are time we have to look at things in reverse to gain insight and perspective about what we are venturing into.

Good see you @gowealth..Have a great day.

“Knowing what not to say, is more important than what you are saying”

This is a detail many people, including myself sometimes, should remember more often. With a direct reference to heated conversations, but not only. It is really important to know when to keep your mouth shut.

Exactly friend!

Title looks difficult to pronounce more than the toughest tongue twisters...Perfect use of words on the go!!

Thanks for taking the time to write this thoughtful and useful post.

Yes, sometimes there are things that are better not said. Maybe because there are also things better felt than said.

A simple tip I can give you: Before saying something think for only 2 seconds and you will know if it should or should not say. Regards

Right that's the reason sometimes when she say anything in anger just after a moment we realise that it was not right we hurt our love and then that anger vanish and guilt comes.

Thank you. It reminded of something that has trended here in the Philippines or maybe in other parts of the world as well regarding opinions on cyber networks; "Think before you click".

You truly said that this negotiation starts when you are good listener thus you can keep all your friends happy.Do we need to develop this listening quality @chbartist ?

Always my friend but what I wanted to say is that we should think before we talk because we often talk impulsively and this is never good whether it is in a hi negotiation even in our relationships with friends, etc. For this reason it is always good to think 2 seconds before answering. I can guarantee that it will always be more effective. Regards

And to my mind came a quote:

"When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new." - Dalai Lama

I don't know why but this has stayed with me for some time.

You're good at writing and giving advices.
Keep doing that and inspire the world through yourself!

Thank you so... Have a great week my friend!

Thank you sir, negotiation is one very important life skill people need to develop, and the sooner the better

This has really helped alot, I'll put it in mind. I figured people want you to say things you don't have to say.... But with this, I've learnt a great deal on how to make people not make me do what I don't want to... Thanks for this

Thank you for your comment! Regards

This was a very well thought out article. And yeah, learning to hold one's tongue is a skill just as beneficial as knowing what to say. I'll go back and read your earlier work.

Ho @chbartist rightly said. Sometime silence speak louder than words. It's not necessary to speak all the time. If situation demands then better not to speak and it works the best rather than speaking many words ..

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Exactly friend! Thank for read and comment!

In a negotiations that are really some points which we should share and other which we should not... many a times Silence speaks more than words.

Exactly friend! Regards

We need to talk to you either for a long time or for a while ..

I did not want to talk to anyone at all.

You do not even want to send your message.

How are we going to make a comeback after a long time ...

And if you like my comment plz visit my profile...

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hello friend excellent post, I am a new follower of your blog.

I love this kind of inspirational motivating content.
As well as knowing how to say "correct words" at opportune moments, it is very important to add security
Self-confidence gives you the strength to achieve what we want to change in a positive way ..

  • Inspiration exists, but it must find you working.

Thank You! Regards

Perfect views and nicely explained in this article.

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Your articles are always inspire me alots. Thanks @chbartist

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I voted for your publication and I followed you
do not forget to do the same in my last publication!!!!

Great article! It is always very important to be in control of our emotions, and to know how to make decisions that can affect us in some way.

Great advice, in a world of noise & static. Well said.

Познание самого себя всегда обходится слишком дорого, как, впрочем, и познание вообще. Когда человек доберётся до глубин, ему не захочется жить. В объяснённом мире ничто не может иметь смысла, кроме самого ничто. Предмет, который досконально осмотрели, лишается своей ценности. После этого ему лучше исчезнуть.

Great information.

Excelente trabajo!

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

True lines

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GOOD^^// HAVE a nice time ... from SEOUL.

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This has really helped alot, I'll put it in mind. I figured people want you to say things you don't have to say.... But with this, I've learnt a great deal on how to make people not make me do what I don't want to... Thanks for this

This has really helped alot, I'll put it in mind. I figured people want you to say things you don't have to say.... But with this, I've learnt a great deal on how to make people not make me do what I don't want to... Thanks for this

chbartist your article is awesome. how can a newcomer on steemit get success if anyone is not upvoting his post?

This is very nice, loved the 'knowing what not to say is more important than what you're saying' part. It's deep

Thanks for the great blog. I can relate. I have often been in trouble for saying things I should not say.

thankyou for sharing

Agreed with you. When it is appropriate, it is better to keep our mouth shut.

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what to say & what not to say

One of the best post i ever liked.

For sure.
Being honest and positive doesn't mean saying everything all the time. Being sensitive doesn't mean not controlling emotions. Succeeding doesn't mean always "winning".

One of the best things in negotiation is knowing how to listen and understand so that you will know how and what to say..

I can't agree more. I have experienced that listening is much more important than speaking. Once you fully and completely focus on people you are interacting with, you won't only understand their words but also what truly drives them. Often our focus is on what we are about to say, missing the opportunity of a real connection. I have been practicing active listening for some time and i can say it does magic in relationships . People feel understood, they trust you and want to know your opinion.

Hi @chbartist!

Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your UA account score is currently 4.850 which ranks you at #1237 across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has not changed in the last three days.

In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 477 contributions, your post is ranked at #32.

Evaluation of your UA score:
  • Some people are already following you, keep going!
  • The readers appreciate your great work!
  • Good user engagement!

Feel free to join our @steem-ua Discord server

But sometimes, one has to let out his opinions, most especially if one has been hurt. Like the FH20 that was implemented not long ago which place restrictions on the number of comments/posts/upvote new steemians can now give on this platform. Its really a serious restriction as i can say the freedom of speech of new steemians like us has been taken away. They just made the challenge more difficult.
I have been trying to post this for two days now, hope it works this time.

If you swap the word "say" for the word "post" in your post, we'll all have another lesson to learn, won't we.

Attitude is truly everything a whole lot can go wrong with bad attitude and a whole lot better with the best attitude, becoming better helps not just your partner liking you more but easing of stress, anger and a whole lot that can cause conflict or disagreements.

Excelente y siempre muy interesante cada articulo que publicas, nutrirnos de buenos valores y tener en cuenta las acciones por podamos hacer sin percatarnos del mensaje que daremos al final, es por ello la importancia de analizar lo que vayamos a expresar donde, como y cuando!!! muchas gracias... @chbartist

You got a 23.06% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @chbartist!

Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support the development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!

Esto es tan cierto, poner todo esto en practica podría facilitar muchos problemas cotidianos que se basan unicamente en la mala comunicación, en decir lo que no tienes que decir, o en actuar de mala manera al decir algo quizas inapropiado

"In life everything is a negotiation." This is a great idea, and while it may increase the weight of conversations and interactions, having this mindset can help identify strategies and ways to engage meaningfully and purposefully with others.

Hello @chbartist first of all I am new to reading your blog, it is very interesting the messages that you want to transmit and it seems good to me, those messages in your previous post catches my attention because as I live in Venezuela, I must learn more to manage my money I always keep the positive ahead despite the adversities that are lived, I always try to find the solution to our problems.

In this post, I like this phrase: "Believe me, I’m not saying that we must not voice our opinion, of course not. But I am talking about knowing when to do so, or even if we have to."

I really think that not only in the business world, but in every aspect of our lives as it is also worth the good listener, to know what we can say at the moment and how we should react.

Like the famous phrase that says: "It is better to be king of your silence than slave of your words" - William Shakespeare.

If more I do not remember was the one who said it, and it really falls like a glove with this post, very good your messages. I keep reading, greetings.

Note: I apologize that I do not master the English language, but it is the only way to share my message I hope you understand

The creator gave us two eyes, two ears, two hands and only one mouth. If we saw, heard and touched each other more than speaking a bit too much, maybe we'd all be better for it. I know I would. My mom used to tell me, "Keep your mouth shut and your ears open!" I rarely listened, back then.

Nice thanks for the info

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