There's tremendous self-expression here @futuremind, delivered with humour (even if it's a little dark at times :) - you've done the fuckit-don't-care thing and rocked this baby up and, it's a pretty damn good post too! You know, just before reading this, I came across a comment of yours which, to me, totally demonstrates worth .....it's the one you made to a depressed and dejected @moderndayjester, where you demonstrated to him in a very kind and encouraging manner, that not only was he doing better than he thought, but that he has the support he never thought he had! You gently pointed out the drama he was caught up in and IMO, you clearly offered him a the possibility of a positive perspective on his situation.
Easier to do it for another than for self eh? :D
It seems like the devil lurks behind comparisons. If we are each unique expressions, what is the function of comparison except to mislead? I don't see any basis for comparison that is not a superficial falsity (looks, wealth, followers, relative 'success' and blah blah blah).
Statements like It's quite obvious that my writing is shit are negative fantasies. You are just setting up yourself for an imaginary fall - it's inevitable, so let's get the worst case scenario on the table so it's outa the way .....kinda thing? ... what are you basing this pre-judgement on except for fantasies and negative feelings? You see this I'm sure and how it just closes off your options..........it also looks like an example of an auto-self-put-down - a result of years of reinforced conditioning!
The above expression about shit writing - as written - is at a refined state, it has been given form through outward expression. You can catch (or trace) the thought/auto response at an earlier stage before any reaction or outward expression. Question is: is there any positive value to expressing negativity? ... if there is a choice, why give any expression to the negativity whatsoever (inside or out). All the little statements you (possibly/probably?) add to your sentences to put yourself down - do you see them? Do you need them? What are they doing other than adding to the sense of overall heaviness? Will it make a difference if you slowly start cutting them out - just dropping them from your personal self-talk!!!!!! Sure one may feel it rising, but we don't have to be enslaved - there is a point at which one has a choice. Can you spot this when it is live? The choice may be to engage or not to engage with this little bud of a thought/feeling - to not feed it. I saw you had mentioned being bi-polar. I think it may be possible that mindful awareness - especially at times when you feel (spot the signs of) the dip coming on, can mitigate, even turn, the tide!
Just my thoughts in response to your sincere and very expressive post!
Total respect my friend, I'm now following you and it's not coz you are 'moaning' about nobody giving a shit - you are straight-up, and I really like that :D
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