Dark Angel (the faceless shadow)
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This is a painting born from out of depression, both in the literal and figurative sense. Back in the day I suffered from a very fierce depression so intense that it swallowed the entirety of my life. Under it's weight I shut myself away, avoided engaging with people, closed everything down to a point where you could scarcely call what little remained as life. Looking back I remember how I could feel so hopeless and how everything appeared so very meaningless to me. As such my energy and motivation were permanently vacant or non-existent. But I supose what struck me more as I reflected upon that time was how even on those days when the heavy weight lifted just enough that I could actually partake of the day in a relatively constructive manner, it's as though a dark entity or looming shadow persisted in it's intent to hang over me, like a malevolent force out to sour the sweet taste of the moment.
Of course this feeling was actually the key symptoms of my depression and anxiety, but regardless of this knowledge, as that imagery stuck in my mind I felt the sudden need to paint and "Dark Angel" was the product of that venture. Speaking from my own perspective, I feel that this painting perfectly embodies that past feeling I described, as a dark entity who is always present but forever elusive; you see only enought to confirm it's existence, but never enough to understand the true nature of this beast...
Thankfully I find myself in a much more stable and optimistic place these days, as years ago I made the pivotal decision to seek therapy and support; a decision that helped change my world from that lifeless shell to a creative wonderland of sorts. Yes I still feel depressed from time to time and I still feel the stab of anxiety on occasion, but now I have all the tools and the energy to manage them better.
This artwork is a low resolution version of a much larger painting found here on my DeviantArt page (prints are available)
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and view my content, I am most honoured indeed and hope you have a really great day :)
Westley xx
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Deep Underground Poetry
This sums up depression perfectly, Westley.
"you see only enough to confirm it's existence, but never enough to understand the true nature of this beast"
So happy to hear you are in a better frame of mind now but as always we have to be watchful.
I like the way the light is trying to pierce the darkness of the wing. upped.
Thank you :) Absolutely true, it will always be there ready to take up residency once more in the forefront of our minds if we forget to manage our lows and our sadness.
Keep an eye on the the triggers and hopefully be aware of the the things that let it loose.
The best way forward :)
Nice painting, and good to hear, that you're in a much better state right now. Try to always stay positive and make the best out of everything!
Thank you :) Yes, its very true, it may be the old cliche but life really is what you make of it.
I love the painting but I am sorry you suffered from depression.
Thank you :) They do say that from suffering, great art is born; maybe this is one of those case? But I'm glad to have advanced to a place where I can manage the lows; as now I can really live my life :)
I would agree, I've only written a few poems and they came from sad times in my life. I'm so glad you were able to over come it.
Most kind, thank you :)
Thanks for writing this. That dark world you describe is exactly where I'm at. I still make sure to get out, but that prison in my mind still stands strong. I've been considering therapy, but the last brush with it left an extremely sour taste in my mouth.
I'm glad you were able to find support. And, if you ever need any, let me know. :) I'm always looking to make my network bigger and stronger :)
There is a sweetness those of us who go to the dark places get to experience that those who haven't been here will never understand...but like you said, it can become an addition to the problem...we shouldn't have to ride a rollercoaster to get through the day or to appreciate life.
Thanks for sharing :)
No problem, I'm glad you like it :) Sorry to hear about your experience with therapy, it can be difficult to find the right help and when you get incidents like that it can really put you off trying.
Before I hit my very worst depression I knew I had a problem starting and so I tried to consult my doctor about it, but he was a useless doctor (always was, I don'tknow why I kept going to him when I look back at it) and he made me feel worse, as if I was just complaining or something. So I left and vowed never to go to the doctors ever again!
Of course then I hit my ultimate low and nearly didn't come back from it; it was a dangerous time. But then somehow I found the strength to finally go back, only this time I demanded to see a different doctor (a good one) and they helped me source the right therapy. It takes so much strength and courage to seek help, let alone to open up and actually ask for it, so to be pushed back can be soul destroying. But I honestly believe now that perseverance is the key, to decide that our lives are worth the struggle :)
I shall take your advice to heart and try therapy again. Living like this isn't any way to live. Anyone who hasn't gotten to this point really doesn't get it. More than frustrating when trying to seek support from people who can't really understand and all you get is exasperation and ineffective words.
"Choose life" as the movie Trainspotting was famed for saying :) Just take it a bit at a time. Give a little look to what's available and make your choice from there. Recovery is always an ongoing process, even for me now it's a journey of commitment and patience, but one that I can walk with more stability now. As with any journey (something that you an accomplished traveller will likely know well) the best way forward is always one foot in front of the other; no rush, just steady progress :)
One little step after another. Just keep moving. First step is acknowledging what's going on and accepting it. Then committing to the journey to recovery...which is the hardest thing in the world, knowing that each step will likely be uphill, encumbered by doubts, with many falls... ugh.
Gonna have to watch Trainspotting again...such a good movie. Yeah, you really do have to decide whether to live or to die. Sometimes more than once.
It's true, we each find our way in our own time and often in our own style.
That is a stunning image, Westley. I am quite taken with it. I see the darkness very clearly, but there is a tremendous beauty also. The light which is well placed is transforming and dissolving the dark wings. Purple hues are starting to form as well. This a very beautiful, but also a very dynamic image. Bravo:)
Well observed :) I think the disolve may have been my subconscious mind just trying to remind me that I have learned to lessen that particular shadow's presence. That's what I love about the smudge brushes, they can so easily create that exact blending and disolving effect :)