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RE: Dark Angel (the faceless shadow)
Thanks for writing this. That dark world you describe is exactly where I'm at. I still make sure to get out, but that prison in my mind still stands strong. I've been considering therapy, but the last brush with it left an extremely sour taste in my mouth.
I'm glad you were able to find support. And, if you ever need any, let me know. :) I'm always looking to make my network bigger and stronger :)
There is a sweetness those of us who go to the dark places get to experience that those who haven't been here will never understand...but like you said, it can become an addition to the problem...we shouldn't have to ride a rollercoaster to get through the day or to appreciate life.
Thanks for sharing :)
No problem, I'm glad you like it :) Sorry to hear about your experience with therapy, it can be difficult to find the right help and when you get incidents like that it can really put you off trying.
Before I hit my very worst depression I knew I had a problem starting and so I tried to consult my doctor about it, but he was a useless doctor (always was, I don'tknow why I kept going to him when I look back at it) and he made me feel worse, as if I was just complaining or something. So I left and vowed never to go to the doctors ever again!
Of course then I hit my ultimate low and nearly didn't come back from it; it was a dangerous time. But then somehow I found the strength to finally go back, only this time I demanded to see a different doctor (a good one) and they helped me source the right therapy. It takes so much strength and courage to seek help, let alone to open up and actually ask for it, so to be pushed back can be soul destroying. But I honestly believe now that perseverance is the key, to decide that our lives are worth the struggle :)
I shall take your advice to heart and try therapy again. Living like this isn't any way to live. Anyone who hasn't gotten to this point really doesn't get it. More than frustrating when trying to seek support from people who can't really understand and all you get is exasperation and ineffective words.
"Choose life" as the movie Trainspotting was famed for saying :) Just take it a bit at a time. Give a little look to what's available and make your choice from there. Recovery is always an ongoing process, even for me now it's a journey of commitment and patience, but one that I can walk with more stability now. As with any journey (something that you an accomplished traveller will likely know well) the best way forward is always one foot in front of the other; no rush, just steady progress :)
One little step after another. Just keep moving. First step is acknowledging what's going on and accepting it. Then committing to the journey to recovery...which is the hardest thing in the world, knowing that each step will likely be uphill, encumbered by doubts, with many falls... ugh.
Gonna have to watch Trainspotting again...such a good movie. Yeah, you really do have to decide whether to live or to die. Sometimes more than once.
It's true, we each find our way in our own time and often in our own style.