My Cat is too lazy to be a Cat Porn StarsteemCreated with Sketch.

in #art7 years ago (edited)

As an artist and cat lover, I decided that it was about time I jumped on the band wagon of the cat porn industry to see if I could make some money out of it.

It is a strange irony that in the early days human porn was what drove the internet.
Today however, it is said that Cat Porn is by far the biggest interest on web today.
One only has to look on YouTube to realize that there are huge Cat Porn stars out there who making big time money.

Although I am a figurative / abstract artist today,
I was initially trained as a portrait painter.

In my younger days I was your typical starving artist type and so to make ends meet I used to take commissions to paint portraits of cats and dogs, but mostly cats.
Cats are much easier than humans which meant I could paint them quickly and thus not have to charge as much. This really helped pay the bills and in fact at one time I painted six cat portraits in one week. Almost one a day. As time went by commissions for portraits of people began to increase and so I had no time for doing any more cat portraits.

As of today I do not do portraits of any kind due to developing my own style and have exhibitions instead. Just now I am working on getting work together for a future exhibition. However, as every artist will know, while the are in the process, it means that not much income is coming into the house.
So I wondered if there was some way I could earn some extra cash to help pay the bills.
Then the idea of doing cat portraits came to mind and with the rise of cat porn I felt this was a good idea.

And so I needed a Cat Model...enter EL Nino

It was getting late into the evening but I just couldn´t wait and so I decided to go straight to it and present the case to my own cat, called ´Nino.`
Nino said he would "sleep on the matter" and then curled himself up for the night.  
See below

The name Nino comes from the Spanish term El Nino, which means boy/ guy. 

Next morning  I went and eagerly asked Nino if he had come to any thoughts on the matter.
"What matter?"   Was his first response, but once he had woken up a little more he explained that had indeed given it some thought but that he could not make up his mind until he had read the morning newspaper and had his usual cup of coffee. As the diligent cat owner that I am, I went and got his ´The Financial Paw Times`  from the doormat and made him his usual coffee, (just the way he likes it), and then went and did some work in my studio.

A couple of  hours later...11 am

I went to to see if El Nino was ready to talk further on the matter, but I was disappointed to see that he had once again fallen asleep...on his newspaper.
Perhaps it was just full of fake cat news and he got bored I thought.
See below

I figured that he had given the matter so much intense thought that perhaps he had tired out his little brain.
So I decided to give the guy some space and try again later after he was rested.I heard Nino in the kitchen making himself something to eat. 

"A there you are Nino. I take it you are well rested and ready to talk about my idea of you modeling for me?"  I asked, politely of course. However, he did seem very enthusiastic.

"What exactly do I have to do?"  Nino asked.
I went on to explain that all he had to do was to sit on one of his famous cute poses while I painted his portrait. When it was finished I would then sell these portraits on Peer Hub on Steemit.  Nino responded by rolling his eyes.

"Well, I am a somewhat skeptical that there would be a market for such pictures.
Tell you what, you get me some statistics to back up your idea and that would go a long way to help me make a decision."
 Said Nino.
This gave me some encouragement that I could eventually persuade him.

Three hours later,  2pm...

So I spent four hours online looking at charts and graphs showing the number of people who are watching cat porn on YouTube. This was made even harder as, ever since he was a kitten, Nino like to sit on the keyboard when I go onto the web.
However in spite of that, I did managed to get some really good information.

I printed out over ten pages of information backing up my belief that cat porn portraits would be a sure winner. I handed Nino all of this valuable pile of paper and asked him to have a look though and assured him that he would soon see that the figures would prove that I was right.

"OK, I will get myself comfortable on the sofa and have a good look through them. Give me some time and I promise I will give you an answer later."  Said my guy

It was now around 6pm and so I decided to do some more work in the studio and give Nino some quiet time in order for him to read all the relevant information. Indeed, it was a lot to take in, therefore I figured that the best thing I could do was to stay out of his way.

Two hours later..8pm..I looked at my watch and could not wait any longer. I just had to know what Nino would say. 

I quickly washed and dried my brushes and placed all the lids back on the paint tubes and then ran into the front room. However, I must admit I did feel slightly disappointed at the sight that I was presented with. 
See below.

I would not say I was an impatient man, indeed, to be an artist one needs much patience in order to create a work of art, but if I am honest I was beginning to feel a little irritated.

And so I woke him up...

"What...what is it?   Oh what did you wake me for I was having a great dream about that Cat babe on YouTube. Have you seen her tail, just gorgeous."  Grumbled Nino

"Nino Im a little disappointed. After all the work I did getting the information, that YOU asked for, and then what do you go and do?  Fall asleep all over it."  
I said in a slightly stern voice.

"What? What information are you talking..oh yeah that, no listen Arthur I went though all of it, even reading the fine detail, and to be honest I was quite mentally exhausted afterwards. I guess I just nodded off. Forgive me"  Responded Nino, and he genuinely sounded sorry.
And now I felt guilty.

"Oh Im sorry Nino I feel bad for waking you now. So you did read through it then? What did you think?"   I asked eagerly.

"Sure yeah er great job you did there Arthur. But well erm, I still have some reservations but on the whole I think it could work.
But you know what I always say, never make a quick decision. Always wait until you have looked at it with fresh eyes the next day. So let´s talk about it in the morning shall we.
Now if you don´t mind Arthur, I would like to get back to my dream."  
Said Nino giving me that sly smile of his.

"Sure sure, sorry for waking you. Have a good sleep. I will make you a nice hot cup of coffee in the morning." I said, and crept out of the room to let the guy sleep.
He´s a good cat really, I thought.

Next morning 9am..

I had set my alarm for 8am so that I could get up early and get Nino´s coffee ready. I also put a nice soft cushion onto his wooden chair in the kitchen.
It was Wednesday and so I knew he would be in a good mood. Wednesday his the day his favorite magazine arrives. There is nothing more Nino likes to do than settling down with his copy of  Cat Hombre Weekly.

10am Nino awakes ...

I sneak in and catch him stretching. I bring in his coffee as well as his magazine and tell him to just to take his time as I had to go out to do some shopping and that when I came back I would be eager to hear his decision. 

11.45 am. Back from shopping.

I quickly put away the shopping, deliberately making a noise so that Nino could hear I was back. Actually I had a sneaky feeling he was gong to go for the idea and I could almost hear the sweet sound of Steem cash falling from the ceiling. 
However, this is what greeted me when I walked in.
See below

Now my patience was over and I shouted:

 "NINO WAKE UP !"

I shouted so loud that I even made myself jump so it was not surprising that Nino flew three feet up into the air and dived behind the sofa. Over an hour he stayed there sulking and it took me to open a fresh tin of spam to coax him out. 

"Im sorry for shouting Nino but this is important. We need some extra income while I am busy getting an exhibition together and I think this is a good way of doing it. I can draw fast and you would not need to pose too long."  I explained.

He just looked at me like I had just tried to murder him.
"I understand Arthur. Im not stupid. But I have a delicate heart you know that, and well with all that shouting my nerves are shattered. I need to have some quiet time for an hour or so to calm down. After that, well I guess we can discuss it more. But please, no more shouting"
He said, and then skulked off into the front room again.

Two hours later, 4pm,
I tiptoed into the front room and this is what I found...

There he was snoring his head off curled up into a ball.
It was hard to be mad at him when he looked like that but I was beginning to believe he was never going to make a decision on the matter. But then I noticed that he had been writing.
Oh, he has been writing some notes.
Well that shows that he as at least taken the matter seriously. I thought. I know I shouldn´t but I just could not resist having a sneaky look while he was asleep.
And so I carefully pulled it our from under him and I immediately saw that it was a letter.
See for yourself what it says...

Well that was the end of that bright idea.

Thank your for reading and thank you for visiting my Steemit space:
A warm welcome back to you next time.
All illustrations used in this post are my own original artwork



Sort:  


Hi @arthuradamson, I just stopped back to let you know your post was one of my favourite reads yesterday and I included it in my Steemit Ramble. You can read what I wrote about your post here.

Hey thanks, that´s two of mine you have featured.
Im highly honored.
I follow you anyway because I think you do a great job.
I dont always have time to read though the ones you chosen but I always vote 100% power on your posts to give support.
Keep up with the good work @shadowspub

thank you @arthuradamson, your support is much appreciated. I usually try to shy away from featuring an author too close together but there are exceptions to the rule. I really liked your post. Probably because I could visualize one or both of mine behaving like Nino. :)

I understand your reasoning in that you try to be fair and feature as many people, as well was new people as you can.
Very admirable and I have noticed that.
I have see another here on Steemit who does a similar thing to you and I follwed then for some weeks. However, well perhaps I am wrong, but from my perspective they tended to feature the same people every time and those people also tended to be big names. As I say, I could be wrong but that was the impression I got.
That is why I decided to follow you instead because you did not do that.

In saying that, I guess people have the right to run their Steemit space however they wish, right?
I dont think you need to feel too bad for featuring a couple of my posts,
I think if you genuinely like a post then you have the right to feature it. Honestly, no one can accuse you of being bias.
I think your attitude is very refreshing.

Before I finish, if I could just say something here.
Speaking as an artist, have you thought about making your post more visual.
Perhaps adding small icon size images of the linked posts. It is amazing how much people love such touches of detail to a website.
Just a thought because I believe in what you are doing.
Thank again and I will continue to support you @shadowspub

Thank you for your very kind words and encouragement. It's more my own standards I set myself so that I don't find myself going to the same people and featuring their posts repeatedly.

I want the Ramble to be a cross-section of talent and concepts as much as possible. There is obviously some stuff that just either doesn't, or rarely, catches my attention.

I had actually considered using thumbnails of the post's feature pictures and decided that since I spend many many hours reading and writing the post, that I'd not do that.

Yesterday I threw a graphic in I had made as the result of a tip picked up from one of the links I shared. The graphic was a quick ad for a singer we're having in our clubroom on Saturday. The guy who runs the local news site told me last night that in a few hours the graphic got over 500 views on his site which I thought was pretty cool for a quick piece of work.

Thanks, it was great fun creating those illustrations.
Cheers @happyhouseife

Your so welcome

Very funny story, hahaha :D
He is a typical lazy cat!

Yeah I know he drives me insane. He is clever and good looking (and he knows it) but he is just so lazy. I dont own him, he owns me lol!
Glad you like the story.

Dog says: My owner is God! And I serve him!
Cat says: I'm God! And my owner serves me!

Ha ha ha that is so so true.

Once upon a time in a far away land
One proposal got out of hand
El Niño, the royal cat
Was asked to work, can you believe that?
Nobel as El Niño was
He did not punish the fool who proposed
El Niño gave it a good thought
But no matter how much he fought
His manners, class and royalty
He could not see himself in the porn industry
All he could do is politely decline
Don't worry, the human that proposed, is totally fine


Do you like the poem? May I post it on my blog with a picture of your cat?

Ha ha this made me smile just when I needed a smile.
I have just come back from visiting a friend and he was a bit down today so used much energy lifting him up. I was quite drained. First thing I did wad look at my Steemit page and saw your wonderful poem.
Please feel free to use any picture of my cat as you wish I am honored.

I am happy the poem made you smile just like your post brought me so much joy. I posted the poem on my blog now. :)

I feel for you. It's really a very difficult industry to break into... I tried to persuade Shadow to consider a career in Cat Porn, but his natural cycle of hours of sleep punctuated by sudden (and randomly spaced) frenetic activity for a few minutes just didn't really support our goals and ambitions...

Ha ha ha well said.
Cats are just hysterical and adorable.
Youve just got to love them lol!
By the way, I recently read an article that told that cats can detect people who have psychopathic personality.
So if you are unsure about a person, introduce them to your cat, and if it dives behind the sofa then something is wrong lol!
Thanks, always nice to get a response.

Dear Sir Arthur,
Thank you very much for the great read. I was crying from laughing while reading this. You have a new follower! ... BTW maybe ninjo might reconsider when you tell him he will get his very own personal poem for being on steemit. I would gladly write one.

Ha ha ha thank you kind lady. I must admit I had a good laugh writing it too.
I look forward to reading the poem.
Followed back!

Will do and let you know
(I am female btw but I get that the nick is confusing. )

My apologies,
ah yes now I can see your avatar photo. I will look out for your posts my dear lady.
I will edit my reply as well.

Cats and artists go together surprising well! Nice work!

Ha ha you could say that. If only my cat would help out more with the bills lol!
Thanks for the nice comment
Cheers. @yogidream.scapes

Ha ha ha yeah cat owners understand such things.

Oh! And I do know this. We have something similar. ^.^

Lol! Some cat owners are lucky and that have cats that are cooperative or their cat has some financial incentive to work.

A great story, I really enjoyed it!

Thanks, I think cat lovers can relate to it.
We dont own cats, they own us lol!
Thanks for responding
cheers

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.21
TRX 0.13
JST 0.030
BTC 67441.24
ETH 3492.03
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.81