Why ignoring my ego helps me to build positive and healthy relationships, and reality acceptance skills

in life •  2 years ago

Before I start today I'd just like to send out a really big thank you and virtual hug to my readers. You guys are fricken awesome!! Really. It was not my intention to write a post weighted on the hate that I receive, it was more-so a post on why the community deserves an explanation as to why I write about positivity. Yet, nevertheless, you guys rushed to give me warm messages that were really well meant, and came from a really good place in your hearts. And that, that right there is what I was talking about, and had me feeling warm inside all last night! I think you guys proved last night that positivity breeds positivity

Thank you.

Now, on with today's story :)

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I remember the moment well. She was only a little woman but everyone in her department was scared of her. She knew that the place she worked at were very pro-second, third and even fourth chances. She liked to abuse that. Managers at our company liked to address an issue with staff members to the fullest extent they could rather than get rid and waste all of the man-hours training them.

As she was shouting at me you could see the spit dribbling down her furious face. She was angry and she wanted to make me pay. My service was running in her department. It was an open to the public environment and she had just had a run in with one of my customers. A staff member had knocked off early and had to shut it all down. My customer was angry that it was closed and gave her a talking to.

Whilst we could sit here and argue who was right and who was wrong, because that in itself is a very grey and booby-trapped area, I think the more important thing was that I had a staff member shouting at me because of the abuse that she received, and at the time it was a more pressing issue.

"You cunt! Try running a half decent service so that we don't get shouted at all the time. You guys are a bunch of fuckers" she screamed at me,

Now in any normal situation I would have told her where to go. I am a person too right? Who the hell does she think she's talking to. I have feelings too! And it's especially not professional to scream obscenities at colleagues regardless of what department you're in.

Yet the odds were stacked up against me, if I had gave way to my ego I probably would have made it extremely difficult for me, and my staff to work there. After all, she was an extremely difficult person to work with. Chances are I would have destroyed my service and any sort of reputation that I had.

The only solution for me was to profusely apologise and forget about my ego. I played her at her own game. I took a step back. I apologised to her all day until she finally gave way and smoothed things over with me. From then I made her think she was king dog of my service, and, gave her the option to have her own input into some of the logistics and dynamics of my service.

And, you know what?

After my funding had ran out and there was no more money left in the pot for me, my place of work admitted that my project was the most successful one they ever had. Could you imagine what the story would have been like if I went on the attack? Or stopped talking to her? Or made her life difficult? Because it wasn't as if I could avoid her. We both worked there, and at some points very closely. Perhaps my funding would have been pulled, I'd have been in for the sack, and I'd spend my life hating her

Seems hardly appropriate. All i need do is hang up my ego on the door when I walk in to work.

And that taught me a HUGE lesson in life. I started to live by that exact same philosophy. Why create waves in life when you could ride them? I mean an argument or conflict between two people is usually a two and fro, one trying to best or hurt the other. Why fuel that? Why not just give in and walk away?

"You're right. You're totally right. I'm sorry for acting the way I did, I can be a pain sometimes"

Then there is no more fuel to the argument. Well, there could be, if the other person was to keep fanning the flames, but then that's when you know that the issue is entirely theirs and it's time to drop them like a hot rock.

Let it go, the issue is theirs. We don't have time to bear the burden of other people's shit, right?

And that's where I've recently learned that there's a term for it. Reality Acceptance. Awesome article about it here: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance_part_1.html

Accepting my situation for what it is, and once I was able to do that then I was able to find credible and fixable workarounds. Once I truly understood inside me the things that I could change, and those things I couldn't, like my colleagues actions and the way she was towards life, then I was able to look at, and challenge the situation objectively. Rather than just throw shit at her all the time. Which wouldn't have worked for any of us.

She ended up being a friend of mine in the end, one that had a dark sense of humour that was always aimed at me, but, it's understanding the beauty of it that helped me. It was all coming from a good place inside her, a good place that obviously in her mind was warm and comfortable, and I cherished that.

Which also brings me to understanding other peoples situation a bit better. As well as trying to promote positivity I also try and understand objectively the situation other people are coming at me from. Because having a thought of where inside a hug, a brief chat in the street, or even an outright attack, it may not always be what it seems. But that's a long story for another day.

Judge less, love more.

Peace friends - I think you proved the latter yesterday :)

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Sorry comment deleted. I had you mixed up with someone else.

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I am human - that's all I can say to that :) Thank you! I appreciate what you said!

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Oh, hah - sure thing! :)

It is amazing how much a good heart felt "I'm sorry" can do... I've have seen it calm even the most powerful rage storm :)

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Haha you're spot on there. Sometimes even if you don't truly believe in it, if it needs to be said to get things done then so be it :)

But an apology deep from the heart wins all :)

excellent very beautiful what you write, I really like what you do congratulations to you for sharing so beautiful

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Thank you very much :) You write very nice things on my wall, thank you!

very nice writing, you really really good, i wonder how you do it to be so good here on steemit, been here for a while now but hey it's not easy. i wish people like you could help me a bit

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join #steemprentice, #writing-exchange and #project-positivity - I swear, we're all there to help :)

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on steemit chat of course!

I love you ,, very interesting post

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Thank you, such a nice thing to say :)

I just love to read your posts @lifeisawesome because of that simple reason : positivity.
I have read from bad parenting and mistakes in life till the friend situation here and I really love them.
Keep posting and never stop!
I understand that behind Steemit blog, we are humans and have a cubical that is called life but I want you to never stop because I am sure that somwhere in some place youre post can actually help a real person.
In my case I can just say that you made my day a little bit more brighter!

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Amazing. It's posts like these that give me that little bit more oomph to keep going! Thank you! :)

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If I take a look at the fights I have had with my friends or any problem that I have faced in the past, about 75% of them were caused directly or indirectly by my ego. It is like a disease that has no cure. It always subconsciously gets in the way of my daily activities no matter what I do.

I have always sought to somehow 'delete' my ego but have had little success. I guess that I can do it, but just brick by brick. I guess that little progress is better than none.

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Exactly - you can't just do it overnight - I told you a story about when I had finally cracked it - but it took me a good six months beforehand to get that far.

A good tip for me when trying to overcome it was to know that I could have an outlet when I was at home, talk to my wife, hash it out over WordPress. I would just let people shit on me constantly and say thank you for doing so - I had to, to make my project work. It was fucking tough! lol

The trick with friends, because at one point I stopped talking to a friend for years because of an argument we had - is to just be the person to come forward and apologise. Pick something truthful about the situation - "sorry I acted the way I did. You're my friend, I shouldn't be like that" and move on wards from there.

But on the other hand don't let friends shit on you! It's kinda weighing up whether it's a good thing if they are in your life or not.

Hope that helps! If only a little :)

@lifeisawesome

Judge less, love more.

so true and actually so easy to do - if we just give ourselves a chance...