I've never had casual sex and I want to open my marriage
Okay, first off, I am not looking for a sexual partner. I already have one and my marriage isn't open yet. This is me going on record saying I've never had casual sex. I've had opportunities, but I didn't follow through. There are a handful of reasons for that. One is I got married really, really young. I was raised in a conservative, religious environment. Also, I was sexually assaulted when I was 14 and that kind of turned me off to ever losing sexual control. And casual sex always seemed like throwing the rules out the window.
Now, however, I see that it can be a woman owning her sexuality. It took me far too long in my marriage to say what I do and don't like thanks to my religious upbringing. Since I've learned to advocate, sex has become more than enjoyable. My spouse is the only consensual sexual partner I've ever had. I'm curious what some action would be like with another man.
Or, honestly, with another woman. I realized recently I'm bisexual. I was raised to believe that the only correct path is the hetero path, so imagine my incredible confusion each time I had a sexual fantasy that was me with another woman. I used to tell myself the fantasy was that I was a man. It was easier to accept than admitting I'm a woman who wants to touch women. Thanks again, religious conservatism.
I feel like I'm way too old to be having all these aha moments, yet here I am. My husband is aware of all this. He's curious about hookups too. Maybe it's something we'll open our marriage to in the future. What I want to know is, what's it like? Good, bad, ugly? I'm not looking for sexual detail. I want to know about emotional impact and if any of you have experience in open marriages. I mean, if I'm gonna ask, it might as well be here, right?
Unless you and your husband are willing to lose each other, don't do it. The sexual siren is loud and persistent. You will be wanting more. More sex. More experiences. More variety. It is a hard mountain to climb and it takes a long time to reach the summit. If jealousy could be an issue, it won't work. You have to be able to talk to your husband about each open experience. Don't do anything without him knowing about it first. If you can do that, go enjoy yourself. Just be ready once you open that door. You may not like what is on the other side. Good luck.
I appreciate this! I would never do anything without total clarity. I don't know that I could go forward. It's just a matter of wanting to. I really love what I have. I never want to mess that up.
Very impressed with your honesty ! ... personally i believe it is always a part of life to fantasize, but to actualize can be disastrous, as you mentioned. Most certainly a can of worms .... Some can deal with the emotional stress, some (most imho) can't ... this IS a marriage were talking about, not a disposable bf/gf situation ...
Thank you. My marriage is most important to me. Anything after that is gravy.
Congrats for approaching this the right way and doing it its you husband. I wish you good luck.
And your husband is a lucky man!
Thank you for the support!
Wait, you mean threesome or what???
lol the husband is ok as long as honeyscribe brings another girl
lol yeah that's what I meant ;D
I had a girlfriend (not a wife) in my previous life, who wanted it this way and that was so weird, because another girl's husband the same time was playing some nintendo or whatever in the next room...
I don't think that's quite what I'd like . . . Interesting scenario!
Hello I'm here for the orgy ... ?
O_o
ha
LOL I'm talking about missed experience. I guess that is an experience I've missed, but not one that I'm missing if you know what I mean.
You are never too old to experience new things. If you and your spouse are up for it, go for it.
Thank you!
Telling you from firsthand experience. I can consider myself lucky of having a bisexual wife. She also, discovered this after we married.
Go for it, find someone YOU like, and believe me... Your husband may enjoy it even more than you expect enjoying. It is a win-win situation.
Can you elaborate? Do you mean someone I want to bring home to my husband?
Not to your husband, to "the couple". Because you're an item, right? If you have to do things by separate, then I recommend a quick and friendly divorce before messing into muddy waters.
Right. That makes more sense. The person would need to mesh with both of us. One thing I'm sure of is that I don't want to be having a side relationship. It's like opening an alternate timeline.
Sounds like you want a divorce. You don't know where your journey is going to end up and if a child enters the picture their life could become very - complicated. The few examples of open marriages involving bisexual women I'm aware of all ended with a child and a big mess. Not to say you couldn't be the first such adventure I've heard of that ended well. No one knows what's right for you but you.
The impact on my children is a major consideration.
On the other hand teaching children to be true to themselves and to be happy is an important lesson too.
I have polyamorous friends and their kids are pretty amazing, self-assured, compassionate individuals.
Theres some really good books on Polyamory, Checkout "Opening up" by Taormino, or "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy. I have experience in non-monogamous relationships both ethical and non-ethical. The best kinds were the ones where communication was the biggest asset.
A more historical perspective on why you have these feelings that I found to be very reassuring is "Sex at Dawn" by Dr Chris Ryan
I have that book! I will have to continue reading it.
Thank you! I'll look into those!
ordering popcorn... (I don't have it yet, but might have it at some point...)
lol, few things I didn't fully understand:
We have talked about open marriage. I have permission to seek out women. I can't return the favor though. That's what I meant by yet.
Knowing I'm bisexual--I've always wanted to be with women as long as I can remember. I've stuffed it down just as long because I knew I would be hurt for admitting it. It's the same way I always knew I wanted to be with a man. The body says so.
This is a great topic. My girlfriend and I are also going through the same thing now. We talk about it constantly. Though she says she is not into women, I can see that she is conflicted. This is what makes our relationship spicy. But, we realize we will probably not go through anything because we cannot be sure how either of us would react after.
Safety is key for me. I honestly love what I have. It can be fun to share the fantasy without following through. Maybe I'll write about that?
I struggled with very similar ideas and self-realizations. Things immediately came clearer for me after reading JJ Roberts "Sex 3.0." I would highly recommend the read.
Thank you @mranderson. I've never heard of that, but am about to look it up!