A Not Quite Invitation to Lunch

in ageing •  last year


Great excitement

A Not Quite Invitation for Lunch…

Preparation ramps up for the Family Day

The whole family will be there.  Granny immediately goes into overdrive and plans to make a cake, perhaps take a few gifts for the overindulged grandchildren.  She is excited, a day out, a cooked meal, lunch with her children, Oh what fun.

The very next day this invitation is downgraded to a cup of tea in the afternoon….Granny still manages to remain positive. Grandad furious as he sees his wife’s disappointment but knows his daughter in law and wife do not get on..

Sunday arrives and it’s time to take off for the road trip. Please remember it takes an hour and a half to drive to the Son’s house and Grandad has trouble controlling his urge to urinate. Long road trips are not the best.

Granny has prepared a cake, picked fresh flowers, bought some chocolates for the children and eggs from the chickens.  They are both looking very smart. It’s about 3.30pm on a Sunday afternoon.

These two are both early birds, granny is up most days at 5 am, she has trouble sleeping.  She will start working, putting washing in, preparing breakfast, encouraging granddad to get out of bed. Organising medications. Losing stuff, finding stuff, looking at her diary, wanting to phone people but knows it’s too early. 

This is the machine that happens whilst most of us sleep.So you can imagine that by 3.30pm she is starting to feel pooped. Anyway, given their indomitable nature, they suck up their exhaustion and continue.

A Not Quite Invitation for Lunch…..

Ooops I meant a cup of Tea

We make our way to the Cotswolds, the day is fine and the scenery spectacular, the journey passes pleasantly. We finally arrive. This particular Adult Child lives in a glorious, Cotswold stone Farmhouse, it is magnificent and must have cost a pile. It’s preparing itself for a centre spread in ‘Country Life’, they are sill renovating and landscaping, a work in progress, the Bank of England obviously the partner.

We park in a muddy, stony car park and make our way to the front door, difficult for Grandpa as he is bursting to have a pee and does so in the driveway.  Then has to navigate his way up a couple of slippery steps without any handrail.  This is hard for him.

A Not Quite Invitation for Lunch

Warm Greetings and Hugs

Finally at the door, we knock timorously and proceed inside. At the end of a long hallway Son booms, (his voice has no volume control and he is tall).  Wifey, a short round woman stands to the side of her large husband, she Grins like a Cheshire Cat, ( she looks like ‘Judy’ from ‘Punch and Judy’, she has a nose that wants to kiss her chin).

Insincere greetings rain heavy. Granny offloads her many gifts. Those over with I follow Granny and Grampy into the lounge. There is no sign of any grandchildren, the purpose of the trip!

Granny has brought cake, Son puts the kettle on but not before Wifey whispers in his ear, he promptly turns around and gives his full attention to me and ushers me out of the lounge, in a great hurry and into the kitchen. I think ‘Oh dear God what have I done now’?

Dispatch Yourself

In the kitchen, he thanks me for all the help I am providing his parents, but if I don’t mind they would like to have a ‘quiet chat with his parents’. So please go now and visit the local village for a while.Yes of course.  

Being dispatched like this feels very hurtful, being gotten rid of like a piece of dirty washing.  Had I been warned in advance, I might not have minded so much.

I grab my bag and run to the car and navigate my way down various farm roads until finally hitting a tar road and the way back to civilisation.  The local village, thank goodness, is littered with pubs so I park and go in search of an emergency glass of wine.

Inside a historic pub, I find a group of friendly people and one particularly large dog, I settle myself in the corner with a glass of chardonnay and strike up a conversation with the Dog. My new best friend.I play on my phone, watch people passing through the window, marvel at how wonderful it must be to have a normal life.  

Reminding myself over and over the reasons for subjecting myself to this kind of hurt.Time is up and I make my way back to fetch the grandparents.

A Not Quite Invitation for Lunch

The Not Quite Lunch Over – Time to Leave

I waltz into the lounge and granny asks me “where I have been?”  I loudly say “dispatched as your son needed to have a private conversation with both of you”.  She's upset and shocked.

They are still waiting to see their grandchild. The wife had left a few minutes after we arrived to fetch the offending offspring and is still not back!!  

The time is now 7 pm, both Granny and Grandad are exhausted.  They are wound up by ‘the chat’, and Grandad needs to pee again.  He has forgotten where the loo is, he tries to make his way there, but not on time.  He returns and his pants are wet, very embarrassed as is Granny, all they want to do is go home.  

They are now upset and agitated and the reason for their visit never materialised.

A Not Quite Invitation for Lunch

Leaving is the Best

Finally, its time to go we make our way down the slippery steps as anticipated grandchild arrives, he walks straight past me.  This is the creature I collected from Eton, the same creature that I deposited at the train station. He knows me but ignores me, he is 15 years old.

Note to self, carry a mobile chainsaw. Wifey (Judy) is grinning, fuck I want to smash her face in, but I can see nature got there first!!!

These two old people arrived happy and positive they leave, depressed, angry, upset, hurt and embarrassed and I want to tell the ‘dear children’, this is what you have done. Why can’t You Children make the effort and get in your car and drive the hour and half to visit your parents?   

Grandad likes being at home and Granny wants to show you her garden and spoil you with home cooking, grant them the role of parent.  They are and always will be your parents.

”You are blind, selfish and self-obsessed, Why? Just get over yourselves and be human”, I want to shout, but don’t, it’s not my place!

Read and memorise the rules. Find them here Today.

Thank you for stopping by and if you liked this post you may my other posts that can be found here:

https://steemit.com/parents/@mysixtypluslife/aristocrats-do-not-have-dementia 

https://steemit.com/ageing/@mysixtypluslife/pass-the-manual-on-being-old

 https://steemit.com/parents/@mysixtypluslife/some-parents-go-rogue 

 https://steemit.com/ageing/@mysixtypluslife/my-years-and-my-mirror-say-i-am-old 

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