Aristocrats Do Not Have Dementia

in parents •  last year

Aristocrats Do Not Have Dementia

Is there anything You Don’t Understand? Yes its a strange phenomenon, but Aristocrats have entirely different brains and never suffer with dementia. No it’s not possible for someone who is an aristocrat to have Dementia, that disease is only for lesser mortals. Is this understood??

Aristocrats Do Not Have Dementia

Aristocrats are unique and according to their closest and dearest they are described in these terms. 

A daughter or son might say of his/her parent that she is becoming charmingly more eccentric. This is a big red light and needs to be translated into commoners terms. What this means is that their parent is at the moment totally barking, you have been warned.

 A Son may laughingly and he thinks lovingly remark that his parent has become slightly forgetful....  Translated this means the parent has completely lost the plot. 

A charming child might describe her parent as a little demanding at times. This translates into 'crazy impossible monster', get out now. She is a Schizophrenic and houses many of the personalities adopted from MIB (Men in Black) 

A Son might proudly proclaim that his parent knows her own mind. This means his mother is an absolute biatch and you should leave now. She wants her own way and there is no other. She probably owns a gun, a quaint antique rack(used to stretch the poor beggars bodies who stole scraps of food), has a secret tower, she has instruments of torture and is not afraid to use them… Run, run as fast as you can..

English is such a tricky language hence it takes a while to understand how these thoroughly indulged  aristocratic adult children can manipulate the language to their own benefit. They have absolutely no intention of getting involved themselves but will find some poor sap i.e. you or me to manage the situation. 

Whilst they walk away, head held high, their dear Mama is in great hands!! All I can say here is, you have been warned.

Because no one wants to admit that a parent might actually be faulty, no medical attention is sought. Hence the raving lunatic I am now charged with looking after will not quieten down, will not respond, may and probably will become aggressive. 

Aristocrats Do Not Have Dementia

It is far too embarrassing for the family to think one of their own might be slightly faulty!! Of course other much more fashionable alternatives are found such as an acupuncturist, a dietician, an eastern guru, herbs are flown in, a call is placed to the Dali Lama, anything rather than going to the Doc!! 

Of course I won’t see much of the family. They are keeping well clear, after all they know I am in charge and have the situation under control!! 

I phone my agency and report the situation. They tell me this is very normal, just be patient, be kind, and oh look after yourself!! I rush to the fridge to see if a DNR is kept there, in the event she falls down the stairs it means I can leave her there, or she accidentally falls out of the window, drowns in the bath… hmm what am I saying?..

In this situation the only thing I can do is lose the plot myself or get out..alternatively this is when I can turn on the very thick “I dunno”(Computer says No) status. It works exceptionally well for many who work in customer service across the UK, it could work well in this situation. 

In other words I will grow a very thick skin, become slightly deaf and smile a lot, and do everything very slowly, very slowly… this may calm the individual,I know its going to calm me, and I will find such fun in the “I dunno” attitude.

 I will have to adopt a sort of vacant face expression as if there is nothing inside, this is going to be fun… think I will continue this with the children. In fact this should probably be included in our training as carers, could be invaluable. Think I will mention it to CQC, the phantom organisation behind all care in the UK!! 

Aristocrats Do Not Have Dementia

Elderly Aristocrats and Afternoon Playtime.

Her Ladyship is sitting in the corner of the room and all the books from her Library shelves are now on the floors. She has just had one of her full blown tantrums ( a charming demanding moment) and thrown the books clear across the room, which I have narrowly avoided. 

Do not be alarmed this is her normal afternoon daily screaming routine. I am crouching in a chair in the corner watching the proceedings , ducking the occasional missile and keeping quiet. In walks the son, a little mesmerised by the mess, her Ladyship has quietened now that she has had her exercise.. 

Her Schizophrenic personality known as ‘Darling’ morphs into focus, her tinsel laugh at the fore, she straightens and smiles charmingly“Darling Lovely to see you”.


Annoyingly she notices me out of the the corner of her eye, getting up from my crouching position and straightening myself out and is flustered, and with a wave of her hand instructs me to be gone…

“what seems to be the problem with Her Ladyship? Her son enquires??” I look up smile sweetly and say very, very slowly “I dunno” “I just dunno” ….end of story!! 

What can anyone say to this as there is nothing wrong with her!!! 

She is like Inspector Clouseau and I the hapless Chinese Slave ‘Kato’!! (Pink Panther, Peter Sellers style), it’s time to repair to my cupboard.

Where’s the wine?…. 

Aristocrats Do Not Have Dementia...Is there anything you don't understand

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