"The spark has gone. Since I gained weight my boyfriend doesn't want to sleep with me. How can we solve our relationship problems?"
Excerpt: following the discussion about consciousness and weight, here is a real example that demonstrates how physical changes may affect our spouse's reaction to us. Of course, our spouse's reactions are merely the external manifestation of our own doubts. Which doubts? That we are worthy, loved. Our partners are our mirror and therefore it is pointless to blame them or go to counseling in order to fix them. The healing is within us.
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Hi,
I have had a boyfriend for three years now.
As in every beginning everything was perfect. A year ago the spark between us disappeared after a long time of neglecting our relationship. Because of the situation, I put on lots of weight, 10 kg, and my partner said he was not attracted to me anymore. We have not had sex for over a year!
We are best friends and run a successful business together so we don’t want to separate. I had recommended counseling but he rejected that and didn’t cooperate. What can we do? How can we solve the problems?
Gila
Dear Gila,
Excess of weight is very often a symbol for thoughts of doubts or fear-emotions that have been repressed for a long time. Is there something you are afraid to do or say? Are you living spontaneously, honoring the call from your soul? Do you follow your passion, your drives, and your dreams? Most often frustration in life is accumulated as extra pounds/kilos. (Nevertheless, there are definitely other reasons for an excess of weight and I addressed them in this post).
Fortunately, or not, exercising or a diet alone would not be a remedy in the long run. It may improve your feelings about yourself or your general mood but it would not release you from the endless struggle with your weight. You would have to pay a high price to stay balanced; you would not be able to eat whatever you like, you would have to apply strict self-discipline and generally, your life would become a harsh and dualistic fight between your mind and your body.
The good news is that once you understand that the extra weight is a signal from the body that an inner balance was lost, and you attend to that, you will soon enough regain your natural weight and lose those extra pounds. The greater benefit is that the new inner harmony is felt and seen in all areas of your life, including your relationship.
Therefore, don’t be bothered by the fact that your spouse doesn’t want to go to counseling. You can do the change alone. He may be wise enough to know that you two together can solve your own problems – and you certainly can – without external interference. Begin by honoring his wish and look for the blockages that you have placed in your life.
Your body speaks to you all the time. It is NOT your enemy that has betrayed you. If you don’t look at your extra weight as a burden and instead start seeing it as a gift from your body to you, then you will release the mental blockage around it and begin the healing.
Healing, and I want to make it very clear, is not to lose weight in order to look more attractive to your spouse (or other people, for that matter). You are loved no matter how much you weigh! It is the doubt that you have right now that clouds this knowing. Healing, therefore, is regaining the trust within yourself and reconnect with the source that loves you and nourishes you all the time, yes, even when you don't feel it.
It is written in religious scriptures - Love your neighbor as yourself. And I wish that more people would love themselves at least as they love their neighbors.
Start there, Gila.
Good luck!
Have you already shared with me what does enlightenment mean to you?
Gaining weight, whether for lack of attention, physical causes, mental causes or others, is a serious problem, especially when someone feels bad about it. About a decade ago I took a medication that, combined, with other physical factors (and the fact I was suffering from an undiagnosed autoimmune disease) caused me to gain 17kg in 1.5 years. I haven't been able to lose all that weight since, and it deeply hurt my sense of self as the person I am, versus the person I supposedly used to be. Even now, more than 10 years later, I still surprise myself sometimes, looking in the mirror and seeing this stranger.
I think that in my case, I was lucky enough to have a partner that respected and loved me (and still does) despite this terrible period I went through, and he still is attracted to me, even when I have troubles finding myself attractive (and it happens, what can you do).
I try to fight this weight off, more for my health's sake than anything else, and while sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, one thing is certain - support from your significant other helps. But you (or I) are the one who has to make the steps to feel better with yourself. To learn to love yourself even in your new state. Then things may change for the better.
I surely second that.
I will also add, that fighting extra weight, or fighting anything actually, doesn't help. It only reinforces the situation. As the saying goes "what you resist, persist". The "method" to change a situation is to accept it and breathe it in. It may sound vague, and justly so, as it bypasses the mind. You see, the mind tries to fix. All the time and everything. Physical condition, however, is the reflection of inner consciousness. The body has a wisdom of its own and it can perform miracles if we only let it and stay out of the way.
I appreciate the honest sharing. Thank you 🙂
I'm afraid that in my case it is "fighting", after all. I have RA, which makes is difficult to get up in the morning sometimes, not to mention living healthy. Every energy drop brings with it many other things, like need to eat carbs to even be able to function (yes, I'm aware of the fact it doesn't help, go convince your body that this is the wrong thing to do), or simply sit/lie still somewhere, for most of the day, gazing at the screen and trying to focus.
This is a fight, or should I say a battle. Not just for losing weight, but also for maintaining a healthy or reasonable lifestyle.
While physical conditions do have an emotional or psychological factors, some of them are just that - physical. An autoimmune disease may erupt for emotional reasons, but once it's there, you're stuck with it, no matter how happy or mentally healthy you are. It's a problem, and it's an ever-lasting battle. But one can hope :-)
For obvious reasons I can't go into details. For lack of a direct contact as well as not having the knowledge regarding the whole picture and the people involved.
Some health issues are indeed more physically grounded. Especially in children. But I do stand in my argument that eventually health issues must be addressed from the psychic level.
Generally speaking, the immune system is often out of balance when the personify fights battles which are not its.
Great post!
Just have to say that For relationships we must always be on our standard but as we standing so we investing.
The power of giving, is so powefull.
👍... And the nicest thing is that at some point the giving becomes a second habit, as natural as breathing. And so is the receiving. And then a beautiful dance of give and take, takes place between the couple.
Great reminder. Thank you.
Beauty is being comfortable and confident in your own skin.
you should take a lot of pride in being yourself. & be comfortable with who you are.
gaining weight has always been a problem of mine.Thinking that our partner doesn't like us same as before was a question that puzzled me too. But yes the only problem was me, letting my insecurities kill me. this is a great article to read @nomad-magus
👍😊
I find your post very interesting to read @nomad-magus.. specially to people who has so many questions about their relationship..
... And we are only in the beginning.
Thanks for the feedback 👍
welcome I'll be reading more..😊
Trust around us is a beautiful in social life, trust is the source of spirit in life.
Thanks for sharing
The post is very good,
It's a matter of weight is always a topic of mockery among humans,
As my friend feels at this weight he has already reached 200kg in great embarrassment if we again get together with friends,
But for me whatever it is we still have to be grateful,
Because there are still many children out there who are not nutritionally enough.
Thanks again, friends,
we must help each other so that we become better in the future,
I am now again trying to create a community for starving children,
please support all the steemians so that what I want is all accomplished
I will always follow every post you friend @nomad-magus
Indeed. With children, who are easily manipulated it is our responsibility as adults to guide them properly. Thanks for this reminder 🙏
@nomad-magus ...the post reflects the overall human behaviour wheather it be a postitive or negative.....After reading from top to bottom ,firstly ,i am not able to understand why some people are this much depressed of weight gain,it is just natural thing and is not considerd any physical deformation...weight gain and weight loss is a part of ones life at different stages of life there should not be any problem in that.
As far as above case is considerd,..if you love your partner truely,from the heart,then the things like weight gain ,weight loss, etc won't matter AT ALL..otherwise you are loving your partner not by heart & soul but you are in love with his/her body..these things ultimately leads to destruction because if a relationship is based on such things then there is no future in that case.
Secondly, if the person who gains weight has no problem with it,then why should it bother her boyfriend?? Does he love her body??what if his girlfriend won't loose her weight?? So is this the end??? If yes then the word love is a MISNOMER.....thumbs down for her boyfriend..
..@nomad-magus u being an expert and intellectual , i have seen those relationships where a girl is attacked by acid due to which her face completely deformed..what next???? Yes, her boyfriend still accepted her and both are living a happy life..isn't that a big inspiration for this case????
👍The body's image is a big issue in the more western world. Apart from that, it has become a health issue.
In this post, I am making one step further favoring the notion that spirit governs matter. When people are battled with weight issues or any physical issue for that matter, they feel the power is outside of them, when in real, it's inside. As Always.
Our relationship with our bodies is a touchy and sensitive subject for many, and by our discussions here, we bring much light to it.
Thanks for your sharings.
Yeah @nomad-magus ...thankyou for your reply.. no doubt weight gain is one of the most concerning health issue.. but leaving health issue aside,the boy is not ready to sleep with her due to weight gain..i cant see any "love"like stuff in their case.
Healing, and I want to be very clear, do not lose weight to look more attractive to your spouse (or someone else, for that matter). You are loved no matter how you weigh! This is a doubt you have the right now that obscures this knowledge. Healing, therefore, comes back inside you and the connection back to you who is and is eating you all the time, yes, even when you do not feel it. This is the essence that I can pick. I myself have experienced weight gain and started not feeling confident. Because my partner still loves me, it is she who helps me manage my confidence.
Thanks @noman-magus, I have written content about you in my last post, maybe @noman-magus can review it. Good people should be popularized.
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It is written in the holy book of religion - Love your neighbor as yourself. And I hope more people will love themselves at least because they love their neighbors. Holy Scriptures; this is the source of wisdom which is the guidance for the man who governs man from the smallest affairs to the greatest affairs, and even to the affairs of body weight even as the people in @nomad-magus. Thank you for sharing the essence for us.
Truly healing is not loosing weight, healing is to regain the self confidence, self esteem, trust on your own self, once these things are achieved loosing weight will no longer matter, you will love your self, and you will be loved by everyone.
Indeed👍