Are men and women really that different? And what can we change in our approach to reach harmony?

in advice •  last year 

Excerpt: check yourself – when you go on a date, who do you see in front of you, a gender, i.e., a man/woman or merely another human being? There is a gender dichotomy in our world which leads to the "battle of sexes", and therefore no wonder so many relationships fail and so many people are lost in the search for love. In this Q&A I offer a refreshing approach – get out of the box, see your partner as another human, like you, who has many sides and aspects within them, and who desires, together with you, to find the balance. A balance that will lead both of you to mastery and great love relationship.

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credit: pexels

Hi,

Have you ever read the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and if so, what do you think of its content?

Effi

Dear Effi,
You are referring to the book: “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: A practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your relationships”, authored by John Gray. The book was first published in 1993 and I mention this fact to stress that the worldview of the author was then, as expressed in the book, dualistic and hence incompatible with the perception of wholeness, which dominates the path the world walks on nowadays.

His archaic perception about men and women has caused, until today, much of the confusion, distress, and trouble that many individuals and couples have suffered from. That perception is, of course, a self-fulfilling belief. If you are brain-washed to believe that you are very different from your spouse, then it might lead you to think that the gap is so vast, so incredible, that no matter what you do, you are destined to always be distant from your spouse. Do you see how miserable such life can be?

Not only that, it directly affects your own growth, for how can you achieve union inside if you don't allow yourself the best tool available – the striving to unite with a partner on the outside?!

Indeed, there are patterns of energies in each person – feminine and masculine – and each human being (I am generalizing here) who was born with one of the patterns is urged to reach a balance through assimilation of the so-called opposite pattern. Nevertheless, an inherent dichotomy between women and men, inflicted from birth, is an illusion.

The book remains attached to its main theme. It says that a man or a woman who desires to have happy relationships must acknowledge the existence of the gap between the genders and should play the game according to the rules.

I, on the other hand, claim - change the rules and become the master of the game itself.

What rules are to be changed? Those are the beliefs that you have about the reality and your relationship in it in particular. Check the following list which describes a dualistic perception of the man-woman relationship and see how you have been confining yourself to a limited world:

  • Men and women are innately different
  • I need to follow certain rules to attract the man/woman of my dream
  • I am too ugly and will never find my dream spouse
  • Men are from Mars; women are from Venus
  • In order to marry a smart/beautiful/rich/sexy man I need to be rich/smart/sexy myself
  • Opposites attract
  • All men are cheaters; all women are bitches
  • To make my man stay with me I must take care of him and pamper him
  • To make my wife faithful to me I must control her
  • Men only want sex; women only want emotion

And so on and so forth. Gray’s book presents one line of thought then, the dualistic perception and I present another line of thought that is more expansive, consciousness wise.

Are human different? Of course, we are. Are the Adam and Isis wounds old and need to be addressed? Definitely so! But we are different not because we were born with certain body parts or act in a masculine/feminine way.

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credit: pexels

My advice to you is that when you meet a new man, don't put him in the box of "a man". Rather, look at him as a human being, who has many aspects within, who is thriving to become all that he is, who is eager to balance the man and women that within him, and like you, he is passionate to find another human being who wants the same. When you approach a relationship from this point of view, you are speaking directly to the soul of the person and by that allowing a much healthier beginning for your potential love connection.

And so, now it is for you to choose which perception is right for you. The dualistic outlook? Wholeness? Or something else in-between?!


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If we want a dream partner, of course we have to know what he wants, and what treatment should be in it, we must stand all the things that make him offended so that all can run harmoniously, happily teebentuk not with how much money we have spend it, we just need to make him happy with a joke that you look more humorous with it he will be able to miss you when he is on Venus as well as on Mars.

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Ah, there is a great release of pent up energy in laughter and humor.
Thanks for reminding us, mate 🙏

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Reminding each other for the good can also offer an extraordinary inner lesson, complementarity is the key to changing the world, thank bro 🙏

This post sounds a lot like something I wrote a few months back. Same idea. One I agree with.
https://steemit.com/love/@techslut/the-secret-to-success-with-women

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Ah! "Great minds...."
You see @mirshamin - the change is occurring. We are not the only ones 😀

My advice to you is when you meet new men, do not put them in the "men" box. Instead, look at him as a human being

That sentence is very interesting to contemplate. Seeing your writings of quality, has made as required reading for me. I will continue to follow your post. Thank you @nomad-magus for sharing our knowledge with us.

So, I choose the view of wholeness.

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I love your sentence: "Sharing our knowledge with us", whether it was a typo or intentional. 😉
Indeed, I have no wisdom that you, yourself, do not possess already.
Thank you🙏

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Of course this with full awareness and I was intentional. Really, this is not excessive. It is fitting for us to appreciate something that is really useful. Hopefully @nomad-magus more successful and continue to give birth to quality works.

this is my contents in indonesia.
https://steemit.com/indonesia/@munawar87/steemian-gila Please Master correction for my future improvement.

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Artful response...😉

  ·  last year (edited)

@nomad-magus ...first i would love to appreciate you and your post...the post of this kind can drag a person toward positive end regarding the title "Are men and women different" ...as per me..obviously ,there are some differences but what needs to be changed??? Thats one's mind.... There is practically no gender inferiority or superiority...but unfortunaely we are also a part of the battle.!!..Precisely there is a neutral balance between the genders and that is the best option in day todays life..
At last i would like to hear some important suggestions and points from you as well @nomad-magus.

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The best suggestion I can recommend at this point, in order to get over the imbalance between men and women is to be with yourself and release the guilts and the shames that you have within towards yourself. Are their expressions of love that you want to exercise and hold yourself back because you are ashamed or feel guilty that you are not deserved to be loved?
I am writing this in direct answer to your question but the advice is addressed not only to you.
Thank you.

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Thanks alot man @nomad-magus ...for your valuable suggestion & yes the suggestion and the advice goes to all regardless of the gender...

I get really upset by reading That because someone wrote something it is a sign to avoid using the brain!
It is so easy for both sexes to say that we come from different planets and vips we have established that it is like That and there is nothing we can do about it. But if we start thinking about what it's all about, then it's common sense, treat others how you want to be treated to, think before you act, instead of chop on the opposite sex - think about your behavior once again, am I better, and if you are- in what way??

Referring to books, etc. without any further reflection, doesnt give anyone right to treat people unjustly. Just because someone writes that men and women come from different planets do not mean that we can not show respect for each other, it does not mean that "just because it is already said we are different" then we will behave in this way .
We are thinking creatures and regardless of whether gender, religion, culture or skin color are different, we should be able to behave like the higher standing creatures we claim to be!

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Indeed.
That book was published this week 20 years ago. I doubt it would gained popularity if published today. Humanity has evolved in this regard. 👍😊

Great that you advocate balance here. We all have feminine and masculine aspects in us as you say. Whenever there is one aspect represented too extremely within, "negative" aspects of either become more pronounced.
Your advice to see the person as a Human being is highly recommended.

There is nothing to add! You hit it with all your words, and "one secret at a time" ;)

Sir! The notion about women and men being equal or not is so fabricated... Of course God created men and women equal.. Why would He discriminate.. For what man.. It is just human nature who tries to make his gender superior for his own greed.. I think men and women are equal, it is just that they have been given different responsibilities the nature with respect to their abilities..but their overall abilities are equal

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👍I liked your sentence - "It's just a human nature who tries to make his gender superior". So true.
Luckily, this human nature is being changed right before our eyes, and very quickly.

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Yeah it's changing... But there are some regions where it has still not stretch out

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Like the place you are coming from, isn't it?
The changes are mostly taking place behind the scenes. You will rarely find the evidence on the news. But rest assured, the change is here.

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Absolutely!

@nomad-magus your really are great ..something i can't bring my words to.....you really make every words , sentences ,paragraphs ...more interesting .....whatever you said above is the real truth ...the list ...that is great , really got a weensy smile on my face...coz every point is true in itself ....everyone knows that but still they dont admit the truth... thabks for the post....all tgese things are known to us but making things clear is what can make alot of difference....

Thanks for your advice you r helping me day by day man...

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I am glad to be of service 🙏

Well it's such a great topic for discussion.We act as if that being of a man or that being of a woman is actually an internal reality or something that is simply true about us, a fact about us, but actually it's a phenomenon that is being produced all the time and reproduced all the time, so to say gender is performative is to say that nobody really is a gender from the start.

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That makes sense,
Have you heard that there are experiments being done now of growing babies in an artificial womb?! And once the connection between the fetus and the mother is physically untied, so the continuous production process.
It's indeed a vast topic to discuss, and we have the time and this great Steemit as a platform!
Thanks for your insights, mate.👍

Scientifically there are differences between women and men however I agree with you that it is a lot about the decision how to behave and act.
Unlike other creatures on earth, human has a developed awareness that can change his behavior and to my opinion this is the key word.

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Indeed. Humans have the awareness to choose.
I agree that there are differences. However, those can't be scrutinized by the physical appearance /organs. Outside, I'm a male. Inside, a a feminine aspect is present to a high degree.

Both are beautiful creations of God..No woman is superior over man , nor man is over woman

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Cant agree more

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Indeed. We need to take the "power" issue out of relationships all together!

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Power lies in our minds to raise the other gender above us. Just look at our Mothers, and then um sure we won't say we are better than females

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"Power lies in our minds" - deep wisdom!

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the man is head of the woman, as Christ
is the head of the church. God's true intention is for man to lead and
to be the priest of his household. A woman of God is supposed to be a
help mate rather than a competitor. Remember, that when Adam was alone
in the Garden of Eden, God cloned a carbon copy of him from his own rib.
IS THE CLONE SUPERIOR TO ORIGINAL? I THINK NOT. A woman also needs the
protective covering of the male surrounding her. A woman and a man are
co-equals but their roles are different. When a woman dominates and puts
down a man, that is the spirit of Jezebel or the spirit of witchcraft.
That is exactly Satan's intention in order to bring down society. Men, a
woman is like a mirror. You get out of her what you put into her

I agree with that completely..
Men and women both are first of all human..
This is easier to accept, most people would..
But do we understand it, I don't think so.
How easier life would be, if we understood this very simple fact.

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That's why you and me are here, my friend🙂

  ·  last year (edited)

Men are from Mars; women are from Venus

right. you d'ont know how.

First of all, a man and a woman are a human being, who are human except that they are not of the same sex.
But there is no doubt that their sons have a change, whether it be in behavior or in habits and in everything. But I refer to both sexes (man and woman) to that person, until I know him personally, and open to all his sides.
I can not tell you many things because I'm only 19 years old and I just started the so-called life.

I will emphasize this, and confess, at first I did not read your posts, and if so, I read a little skimming because you write pretty much every post, but after seeing your post, your posts are worth reading. I was right.
You're a very interesting person, David, and I'd love to share my knowledge with you (there's hardly any, but there is.)

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There is a saying in the bible, (free translation) - "From the mouths of infants and babies I have established courage". 👍

I think men and women are clearly different,
Women have a more subtle feeling than women get angry and very hard to apologize ..
While men tend to be rude and quickly bored ..
So to take the heart of a woman we must treat her gently, romantically and keep her feelings so that she will feel comfortable and feel cared for and she will be yours for her ..

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..and still I offer you a way to look beyond your current beliefs.

They have to be fundamentally different otherwise society would be nothing but chaos.
A great post @nomad-magus. Thanks for sharing.

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... as if society is in great order now 😉
Thank you,

  ·  last year (edited)

in my opinion the women prefer a man who is romantic, caring and honest.
and I think this is reasonable, because 3 that point will arise out of convenience. While it's been comfortable women will be happy in a relationship.
thanks @nomad-magus for interest post

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You know, many many men also would prefer a woman who is romantic, caring and honest.. me included 😉
Thank you.

wow quite a useful book, gonna read it, completed the first chapter, gonna learn new stuff from it... thank you man Screenshot_2018-03-02-14-18-41-600_com.UCMobile.intl.png

I think we should know it that men and women aren't equal in many of the fields but we should not be dicriminative.I think men are good at certain things and woman are good at certain.I think men have some duties in certain fields and woman have some in other.Men and woman at individual level are very efficient but can't be equal.

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I hear you.
And yet I'd suggest that you allow more of the opposite aspect to come in, then you will see how good you become in skills you currently attribute to the other gender ☺️

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  ·  last year (edited)

women are coincidentally better thinkers even though men should be. That's kind of hard to believe but okay..... i have proof in my family My mom always told my dad, "Im here on earth to spend your money, so get used to it"

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My point is that a sentence like "women do multitasking" is meaningless because the division to women/men is false to start with :-)
But I know where you come from. The media has taught us to think in a certain way, for so long...sadly so. Time for a change in my opinion.
p.s.
You have a clever mom. She learned the rules of the game ;-)

Women and men aren't as different as you might think.
It’s been said that men and women are so unlike each other, it’s as if they’re from different planets. A claim that continues to plesure and irritate. Women are from Venus, some one said it...

A woman is someone whose mind is a sucker in a feeling that happens to be better than a man, even though a man should be. Actually it's a bit hard to believe but good. I have evidence in my relationship, my girlfriend always tell my friend, about my relationship problem with him, so only he who I trust.

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Once you allow more of your feminine aspect, you will resonate better with your girlfriend needs. And then, she will feel more comfortable (safe space) to approach you. Right now, although she loves you, she consider you to be a man, that is, a mental person. See what I mean? She needs from you less mind and more heart.

this dialectic is unthinkable to everyone, but @nomad-magus has been able to decipher it intelligently. this is a brilliant idea by seeing things through a different perspective with most people. @normad-magus deserves a title of psychologist.

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Thanks but i'll pass the title.
Unfortunately, in the academia nowadays, the psychology departments lack the understanding of consciousness. Had I studied psychology I would have remained ignorant to myself.
Having said that, I have met quite a few professionals who had managed to get out of the prison of science and think for themselves.
I appreciate your kind words!

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Because your writing is useful, of course it should be this content resteem to other friends.

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You have managed to get out of the prison of the mind. freedom of thought is reflected in each of your ideas. Do not we deserve to be called human because we want to think? in the holy shrines though it requires His servant to always think. And the nice @nomad-magus has done its function as a human being for more benefit for others. Thank you for your kindness. I will remember it. may God repay all your good.

I think a man or woman does something that relationship from the view received by the heart, that's what I want to have a happy relationship must be entangled between the sexes and must play according to the rules of our hearts and our views.

I like this writing, @nomad-magus. Because I've also read a book about it. that, every woman desperately wants to be understood, while men desperately want to be in need

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.. I will add, that the big imbalance was created originally when the female gave up her creative role and the male took charge. Nowadays, we are seeing a swing, when the female (ISIS) energy is coming back to the fore, and the male (ADAM) energy is struggling to fulfill again its natural role of service to Isis. And to make it clear, both the Isis and Adam aspects are within each of us.
Thanks for the insight @assaddam👍

😃😃💏💕💕💕💕💕

Amazing

I like @nomad-magus 👍👍👍👍

@masykur18

Finding a partner is not a big deal. Living a lifewith the person is what matters. If one starts treating the opposite sex with a open heart miracles could happen... As being treated well can make u treat well and vice versa... So simply treatment is what matters. It can make a venus melt into mars or mars into venus..

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I Like your imaginative description.👍
I agree that finding a partner is not a big deal with the help of technology today. Finding the appropriate one, on the other hand, takes some tuning.

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Perfectly taken. A little tuning and of course lot of heart. It is also first our own tuning so that we first make it perfect on our side. Then let the miracles bring a change.

Amazing. I liked your advice more.Above all we are humans first. If people follow these advices, they are definitely gonna live harmonised and affectionate life

Thank you for this awesome blog sir, it really helps me a lot as a human being having a future partner forever.

  ·  last year (edited)

Quite a knowledge, I myself see the opposite gender as a female and not as a human being, maybe it's the reason as you have mentioned for confusion, distress, and trouble, we should change our thinking and treat the opposite sex as a human, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", I am not able to understand why is this book titled with such a title?

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...as if to say that men and women come from different planets and therefore do not understand each other, cannoot communicate in the same level, etc..

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  ·  last year (edited)

Got it, people from different planets can't understand each other and can't communicate and sometimes they think they are enemies of each other.

yes we all should respect each other and don't set borders to act like this or that.keep enjoying life.

@nomad-magus ...looking at the comments and your impressive response to all of them....you are such a nice and intellectual man...you reply to almost every comment with amazing stuff...thumbs up man
...resteemed

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Man and woman make a perfect whole. they are male and female for the purpose of propagating the species.

Male or girl and not, what is their condition? I think it doesn't matter. What can I do for our life and other life. This is the matter. Should be remove distinction between male and female.

I am a bisexual, I had an affair with women, and had an affair with men... with those relationships I had with them I looked at them as human, why? Regardless of their preference their wants, their needs, moods, etc I loved them. Am I too good to be true? Or it is the way it is with my preference? Well, they all ended still. I am still single now.

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Do you think the relationships ended because you had seen them beyond their human attributes/features?

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It ended up because they didn't see me as human... and I don't haves. That what theyre looking for....

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..so lucky you.👍