The Idiot's Guide to Surviving Depression

in #advice7 years ago

First of all, I am not a shrink. Just a person about whom friends say, "Really? I could never imagine you being depressed. You're so motivated and energetic."

I called this "the idiot's guide," because there are many times in life that I have been or am an idiot.

I guess, really, this is my advice for myself... what I've discovered works for me over the years. If some of it works for you, too, great! If it all seems like complete and total bullshit... good thing you're not me.

1. Avoid The Spiral

~
In my younger years, I gave days of uncertainty my full attention. If a doubt about my life sprung into my mind, I let it sweep me away. A single thought could be followed by days of being consumed by hopelessness. Now, while I don't completely ignore the gloomy thoughts and feelings, I remember my perspective will eventually shift if I don't get sucked in.

I try to remind myself that thoughts are like the weather. Some days, you might wake up in your house and your windows are covered in frost, or there is snow piled up in front of them, or the sun is blazing on a hot summer day outside, or it's pouring down rain. If you look out, see rain, and take it as evidence that there will now be nothing but rain forever and ever, it's easy to get bummed. We don't do this with the weather... we know it changes unpredictably and sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. But it's easy to forget that our thoughts change unpredictably and are sometimes good and sometimes bad.

Example: I feel like shit right now. Empty. Numb. Hopeless. On a hike yesterday^ I suddenly concluded that my death right now wouldn't negatively impact anyone directly. I didn't even know I'd been evaluating how much my life mattered and if it would be too rude to disappear forever.** Thankfully I know to remember that all my thoughts about how much I suck, how pointless my life is, how empty my world is, etc. will eventually go away. I'm not doomed to feel like this forever. While I don't feel any better knowing that, it saves me from feeling worse.

^ that I went on out of obligation - I am backpacking in Denali in a month and owe it to my companions to be able to walk as far as they can
** don't worry. I'm not going to off myself, because I know to take these thoughts seriously - as the warning signs that they are. I'm already getting help and sorting my shit out.

2. Don't Do Anything Dramatic

~
Again, in my younger years my desperation to feel better drove me to rash decisions or manic actions. Don't quit your job, tell someone you love you never want to see them again, buy a plane ticket, etc. Depression-fueled choices are generally not excellent. Don't pour hours into researching a sudden business idea that seems like the answer to everything. Don't post maniacally on Facebook (or Steemit! :wink: )

Right now I'm resisting the urge to do all of those things... quit my job. Give up on a friendship of over a decade. Buy a plane ticket. Research hare-brained, ill-considered business ideas. Write a million Steemit posts. Commit to something for the month of September that would bring me a sense of relief now, but will probably cramp my style when the time comes.

3. Do Swallow Your Pride

~
Especially if you've had even random, non-committal thoughts about suicide, do the right thing. Telling someone you aren't doing well is a way of taking responsibility. You have limited control over your thoughts, but there are habits you can change, environmental factors you can shift. Acknowledging you aren't doing well makes you accountable for at least doing the things you can do.

Right now - for me - I've alerted three friends (and soon the entire Steemit community). I've carved out some time starting next week to figure out which environmental factors I can change and how I'll do that.

4. Don't Succumb to Inaction

~
You can allow yourself a day of slumming it in bed/on the couch binge-watching Netflix or scrolling your Facebook newsfeed like a zombie. If you must. But these favorite dopamine hits make even mentally healthy people feel numb.

We all know exercise, meditation, blah, blah, blah. Instead of tackling the enormous, looming, disgusting task of "going for a walk," just walk down to the end of the street or the corner. If that's too far, just walk to the end of the driveway. The trick is to do something. Instead of "getting the bills paid," just schedule one payment. Instead of "opening the mail," just open one envelope.

Don't let your sudden inability to climb mountains keep you from taking a single step. Forgive yourself for not always being able to be 100% on top of your game. Doing anything when you're depressed is worthy of applause. And critically, these small tastes of autonomy prove to you that you can do something... that you're not completely lost/helpless/hopeless.

5. Foundation is Key

~
This one might really be just for me, but I don't know.

I have a weird life. For 7+ years, I've been a nomad. It's usually a life I love, but right now I don't. Too many locations this year (26 and counting... that's one per week. UGH.), too many of which were ill-considered and for the wrong reasons. And I've started to tackle some things I've disliked about myself for a long time - people pleaser, over-achiever, etc. It's been much more daunting than I expected. I feel completely untethered. I feel like I don't know who I am or what I'm doing with my life. I am craving a sense of community, being part of a bigger whole. I am craving stability and predictability, things that usually send me running for the hills. I am questioning my profession, wondering if I should give up on my small business. I'm realizing the values I've used to direct my life haven't been re-examined in a long time. I'm longing to be a part of things and systems that I usually see as life-sucking traps. I feel alone. It seems like I'm a part of nothing and no one. It seems like nothing I am doing matters. I feel really empty. Things feel really pointless. When I video-chat with the little people I love most, I don't even have the usual craving to drop everything and hop on a plane to go play with them.

And yet, I am doing exactly what I was doing two months ago when I was on fire with my small-biz accomplishments. I'm doing the same thing I was doing a year ago when I was loving every minute of my life.

But I can look back at all the times in the past few years when I've slipped into what one of my friends terms, "a slump." And the common theme is directionless-ness and no sense of purpose. Whenever I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, it's easy for depression to creep in.

So for me, having a foundation - a routine that maintains community and a sense of purpose - is key.


Hope this helps someone. I wrote another post elsewhere online in the aftermath of another bout of depression, but I'm new here and don't know how outlinking is viewed by the community. (Thanks in advance if you can clue me in.)

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