My Actifit Report Card: November 9 2018
Today I learned something new. There is a muscle, right alongside of your shin. I've never felt anything from this muscle in my entire life, in fact I kind of imagined it was all bone through there.
Today that muscle had had enough of my lurching, painful steps. Of my super obvious limp. Today that muscle I never even knew I have hurts. With every step, starting this morning, it pulls and aches and zings with pain.
You cannot see what is wrong with me. Other than a limp, there are no outside cues for why I move slow, why I am always complaining.
When I was young I was in the military. They taught us how to mentally bully our bodies into doing what it doesn't want to do.
I am breaking. Mentally there isn't much left to give, emotionally I am a fucking wreck, every day. I live for the weekends when I can rest. I don't know how much longer I can function and pretend to be okay.
Because I'm not. I am not okay.
Crazy amount of steps 💜🧡💛💚 i hear your desire for help & relief from strain, stress, and pain. The exhaust that is consuming you. Being in a financially buggered position myself i feel like I can offer little aide to you. I offer my love & gratitude that you continue to press forward to find a way to make it better. Hugs sweet beautiful friend. Even by measure of your steps you are doing so much. I just wish for your families sake if was enough for you to feel hopeful and encouraged for the future. As i I sense so much dispare because your need for safety/ security, rest/ relaxation and support are not being met. Hugs Beautiful Woman! Praying and wishing all good miracles to embrace you. 💜🧡💛💚💙
I'm very sorry that you are having such a rough time. Without prying into your medical condition, I can only hope that you are seeking help for your physical pain and that there is something that can be done about it. Your emotional state also is distressing. Is there any programs available through your work that could aid you?
As far as I've understood, when having a low-paid job and three kids to feed and living in the US, seeking professional help is a bit out of the budget :-(
Hope things get better for you soon.
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