In my recent post The paradox of being “anti-capitalist” in a capitalist society, I mentioned that I don’t always feel the need to pay something back and focus more on paying it forward. I realized after reading @kiwisteem’s comment that I have some clarifying to do here.

a pineapple for you, image link

I often do reciprocate, to be clear. As @kiwisteem mentions it does help to form a bond and a sense of trust and community. I do not see this as reciprocity though, I merely see it as expressing gratitude or a token of wellbeing. There may be an issue of semantics here but I use these words in a way to distinguish between two different motivations for “paying it back”.

What’s the difference.

The main difference is that I do not feel I owe it to you, the same way I do not feel you owe it to me. I will “pay something back” focusing on he bond of goodwill that’s created, not on any kind of socialized obligation.

I try not to get tangled up in expectations. I do not keep tabs. I do not pay it back 1 for 1, sometimes I give more than I am given and sometimes I give less. Sometimes I forget and I try not to feel guilty about it. Sometimes others forget and I try not to hold it against them. It’s quite loose although I try to be in a spirit of giving as much as I can. There are a lot of things to take into account but most of the time it’s just a decision to give that feels natural at the time. If someone offers something to show off, if they are doing it for their own pleasure, if they have much more than I do, if they do this with everyone, if they have more time and energy to provide whatever it is, if I feel they won’t really appreciate a reciprocation very deeply, if it will costs me more time energy or money than I have to give, or if I’m just to overwhelmed with other things, I may not pay someone back directly for a favor or an act of kindness, although as I said, I try to stay in an attitude of constant giving so it’s likely I will “pay it back” eventually

A 3D example

A good example of this would be the dinners I had with my boss and her husband. They are in a habit of going out to fancy places and spending a lot of money. They take everyone out because it’s how they enjoy themselves. My boss also knows that she has much more money than I have. She treated me to a good 7 or 8 meals before I thought to treat her to one. Most of these meals, I tried to pay for myself but she wouldn’t have it. I didn’t feel guilty about it. Why should I?

Meanwhile I had treated a few other friends when I invited them out, not every time but when I had some extra cash, I didn’t immediately think to pay my boss back for the meals. Weeks went by before I spent any money on them. I did listen to her problems and tried to help her through some stuff with her friends and health issues. I took her to a good massage therapist. None of this felt like payments for the meals though. When I tried to finally treat them to a meal, they insisted on paying for it once again. Whatever. I don’t feel bad about it. My pride isn’t tied to some non existent favor transaction sheet.

We get along great and we don’t feel we owe each other anything, but we give what we can give to each other simply because we can give it. This is showing gratitude.

How this works on steemit

I like to check out posts by those who read my posts and upvote me. Am I “paying it back” to them. Maybe in their mind, but not in mine. I’m more focused in forming a bond based around mutual understanding and support. I do not want this to be based on a feeling of debt. If you upvote my posts it’s because you like them or you want to support me, not because you expect me to do the same, I hope. I do not feel that every action requires an equal and opposite reaction.

I truly hope the accounts larger than mine do not avoid upvoting me with a high percentage when they see I don’t need upvote them with a high percentage. I am simply trying to distribute the resources of steemit in a more balanced way so more people can benefit. I give higher upvotes to people with smaller accounts, that’s just how I Steem, I think it’s better for all of us this way and I wish all users with influence would do the same.

I also won’t hold it against someone for voting with a lower percentage. Although I work hard here and certainly feel my posts are worth 100%, perhaps they go through a ton of content every day and want to spread their upvote. Perhaps they know of someone who could use the upvote more than I. Perhaps they are low on voting power. Perhaps they are using their upvotes to fund some community initiative. It doesn’t really matter, as long a story I don’t feel they are only looking out for themselves. I want to be thankful for all the support I get, regardless of how much or little it is.

As my account grows here, I am starting to realize how a lot of dolphins really want to do good by everyone, but the more attention you get the more difficult it becomes to recognize and reciprocate for all the attention you are given. From there it becomes easier to just try to give back to the community as a whole. As I grow, I will still try to create new friendships and build on them. If I forgot to check out your post, I’m sorry about that, please don’t think I’m taking you for granted. It’s amazing to get many comments on a post, but it becomes difficult to keep track of everything. I will try to remember next time.

The important thing for me is to always keep a spirit of giving and looking for solutions to problems that face all of us so that anyone in my immediate area could potentially benefit somehow. I hope one day, celebrity and skewed distribution of wealth can be replaced by stronger communities and a world with more equally distributed resources. Until that day, I’m focused on building support networks and making it easier to make friends. I do not have any time or interest in keeping tabs on everything. But I’m always grateful and I’ll always make good use of whatever support I recieve.

---

Join the "Be Awesome" community

The Be Awesome discord chat, was created with the intention of making deeper connections with fellow steemians. Come talk about "deep shit" and make friends.

I’m also a language learning coach. Come find me if you need help learning a language.

Be Awesome discord channel

Confessions of the Damaged - a collection of short stories

—-

by @skyleap