The Art of Not Putting your foot in your mouth
We all have those moments, we all have those friends or family members, that either at one point or the other or constantly do not think about things before it comes out of their mouths. These types of people are often referred to as having no filter. I believe that this is more of a not taking a moment to think about what you are saying.
We have so many examples in the public eye of people who do not think before they speak. There are people in high visibility occupations, ones that could cause wars, others that lead the people of today and tomorrow and do not take a moment to think about what they are saying and how it could be misconstrued.
What does it take to avoid putting your foot in your mouth?
It takes a moment. One moment. It might take a bit more and a deep breath depending up the type of person you are and your experience with how to put your foot in your mouth, otherwise, it takes no time at all. You stop and think for just a moment about what you are about to say, whether it is helpful, necessary, and kind. If what you were saying was not matching any of that, then perhaps what you were saying is unnecessary and uncalled for.
I have a friend who likes to be sarcastic or likes to make underhanded jokes. The thing is, all of the stuff that this person says actually contains his feelings. There have been jokes made about weight, skin color, intelligence, and even just some derogatory things that are meant to be a "joke" he says, but if you can read people, and also know his wife, they are just his way of saying what he feels. And you know what? All that says is that that person feels crappy. The stuff he spews half the time is just utterly mean-spirited crap. I think everyone is entitled to their fun and when you have friends that you rib I totally get that, but stuff like that eventually goes too far. Wouldn't it be better if it never went that far, to begin with? Yes of course, if everyone was completely happy and thought about themselves and each other this would be a great place. That is unrealistic. However, we can at least try to not spew out the crap, to not always have to make ourselves apologize because guess what? We just made someone mad, or just got misunderstood because we didn't take a moment to articulate what we wanted to say.
Be selfish, no one wants to apologize constantly
That's it right there. Do this for you. Does anyone ever feel great after they have hurt people? If they do, then those people I am sorry to say are sadistic. There is no good person out there who likes to inflict pain on people just because they are feeling bad. Yes, again, we do it. It doesn't mean we have to continue to. Think about it a minute. If you had someone in your life, and maybe you do, that constantly says the wrong thing, constantly comments and hurts other people, constantly spews their discontent with the world on to you, ask yourself this...Do they seem happy?
I bet the answer to that question is NO. So, if you find yourself doing those things, maybe that is a clue that you are not happy. Or if you find people you love or hang out with are doing that, again maybe it is a sign they are not happy. However, if it is you who is doing these things, and thus showing you are truly unhappy, then bingo! No, you know the problem. Now you know you are not happy. So, let's get selfish. Let's do what we can to make our situation better. Let's make us the happy ones. Guess what? After that happens, we are less likely to be that cruel. It starts with looking at yourself and thinking about how you interact with the world. The comments that you put out there and the self that you show the world will help you get closer and closer to that happiness.
To those that do think before they speak...Good Job
There is no more I need to add to this. Good for you.
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What I've discovered in always taking a moment to consider my words is that someone else is always ready to fill that pause I give them.
Really? Then you have very very talkative people around you. Well perhaps in your case it may not help, ha.
People saying hurtful things and saying it is a joke are best to be avoided - in my opinion. They will never take responsibility for what they do and say.
And yes. Taking a deep breath - walking away for a bit are good ways to keep that foot out of the mouth. :)
Absolutely! Sometimes you just need to walk away. I usually do not need with those type of friends but sometimes when they are spouses of a friend you are a little more lenient, but otherwise, I do not worry about those people. Why surround yourself with people who are just out to hurt? We can surely live better lives than that. :) As always, thanks for your comment :)
This is all too true. If people would just stop to think before they spoke. The world may be a more easy going place.
Exactly! You hit the nail on the head with that one :)
I used to be an expert at putting my foot in my mouth if it was a sport I could well have made it to the Olympics :)
BUt I dont think I was ever bad in the way of attacking others or criticizing people, it was more putting myself in a situation I didnt want to be, or to do something that really was beyond what I can do.
A classic example I was just talking to someone about this morning, I wa shaving a few drinks with friends in Singapore many years ago and at about midnight one of my friends come into say hi, but refused a drink because he was doing a triathlon the next morning, me being me said do you have a spare bike I would love to do try a triathlon, so slightly hungover I was up at 7 Am ready to be inked up and do a Triathlon
Now I had done many Marathons and swam and rode a lot, but I had no idea how much pain you put your body in doing all three one straight after the other
I finished but was sore for a couple of weeks after :)
Haha, yes that is a totally different putting your foot in your mouth kind...my you must have been sore for sure. It seems you are at least always up for a good time and maybe even helping people out as well which is a great thing.
But yes, certainly had on yourself.
Indeed I am a bit better these days I do give it some thought before I commit to anything but do overcommit myself often still
But I work better under pressure
Well it is awesome to know that though, that you work better under pressure.
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Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all! That can require a lot of restraint though.
I fully agree with sometimes not saying anything at all is the best method. I can often do that myself but even in tough situations, it can be hard.
Maybe should've listened to my own advice earlier haha. Hope I didn't put my foot in my mouth too hard, and sorry if it came off the wrong way, meant only to share a constructive thought based on my experience on here. But I can see that you know your way around and what works well for you :)
Cheers!
Haha yes after you said it I was like...he does remember what he had been commenting on right? lol That's ok you can take your foot out now :P That I do, I do the best I can for me and so far it works for me. Can't force what you can't continue.
Hmm. Silence, they say, is golden.
Often times it can be that is for sure
Amazing job @topkpop Followed...
Thank you very much!
I am not one that can talk bluntly, thanks to growing up in Asia. We just don't do that without being seen disrespectful (which later will be about religion issue in the end). But honestly, I would love to learn how to be sarcastic, it always fell flat when I did.
Living in Canada on my first years, were a bit hard, people's words often hurt me, because they definitely don't have the same background as my Asian (and religious) dillema.
I now just nod and shut my heart. I am accustomed to it. Although I wish stun gun isn't illegal here 😅😅😅 I kid, I kid!
Well, there is always time to learn how to be sarcastic, but the rest of your comment makes me a bit sad. I am sorry that people have hurt you because of their ignorance and the fact that obviously, they do not know how to talk to people. Haha sometimes a stun-gun could be nice ;) I do hope that you don't shut your heart because of those idiots though. People like that give Canada a bad name, I have known my fair share but I usually told them where to shove it, if I needed to. Besides, shutting your heart does more harm to you than others, this I know because I have does this as well. Those people suck, so ignore their butts. I have loved meeting you here on Steemit and discord though, just saying :)
Hahah thanks @topkpop !
I have to build a thicker skin! I live in a redneck town, people are (super) honest 😉