Pain is growth (lucid reality)

!I made it through the storm!

Hello my name is shane im a recovering meth addict. My story begins homeless and lost i find myself in west, va where i have a opportunity to go live with myself stepmom and her new husband mike. My younger brother and sister are also there and i have a good chance to not only pick myself up but spend some quality time with my dads other children from a different marriage it was when i got there but when your a drunk with no reason life seems to not satisfy.

After witnessing extreme drug use and extreme pain also extreme distance i decided pretending to be useful to my siblings was not the best route so i decided to go to my father's in Virginia.
I moved around alot from 2012- 2017, seemly running from my problems and personal growth. After seeing my dad was in no position to hide me from the inevitable i called my brother brandon. We haven't been on good terms but we come to agreement to buy me a bus ticket and house me until i can get a job and afford my own place.

"Love is a good thing, when both parties realize that they have to commit to the others flaws. While also coming to the conclusion that you help and hold there darkest secrets intern making you there true best friend"

skmishoe91

I got back to Oklahoma with my only conquest to keep running from my problems but to my surprise i almost immediately find worj and start saving i like my full time job and all seems well, behind the scenes im still a functional alcoholic no one seems to notice but me. With the vicious cycle soon to tare down my remaining walls my depression was just wondering around the corner waiting to viciously consume everyones reality around my daily schedule.

In a new place, we're all in a new place even if we don't believe so. We forget that no matter what we go through in our daily lives, will and can be dissolved and renewed with a good night sleep and a fresh day. We are all no matter good or bad, (in a new place)

Skmishoe91

One morning in a hangover i could not begin to believe i could make it through my shift. So i did what i allways do i gave up and not only that i didnt inform the staff i was walking out mid shift. I quit my job and didnt have any excuse except selfishness and self indulgence.
Not knowing where i would land next i found myself in my friends couch with just enough money saved up to afford a 1994 Nissan pickup.

Memories that are to strong to forget, are the best memories becuase even know they may be bad ones, they will allways remind you of the good ones that lead up to the bad

Skmishoe91

I finally held on to a decent job at a Asian restaurant long enough to just barely get my very own apartment. When i put that key in the door and fell to my knees realizing this was my only accomplishment since graduating high school i cried real tears for some time.
Not shortly after i caught my first real case i left a concert driving in a blur. My drinking has finally caught up with me and all i remember is being in handcuffs safley on the median. 3xs the legal limit is what the test showed dui was the charge and i almost lost everything.

"Good night inspiration, may your nightmares translate to dreams, dreams that inspire you to not only wake up, but to live. Evil=live but in a evil world you were born into with no choice your only option is to live. Live, and live well"

Skmishoe91

As i was forced to attend a dui court to exponge my record it was a crazy adventure i was asked to spend 4 hrs at a emergency room starting at midnight on my birthday i witnessed a man die he shot himself in the head i watched a team of surgical guru's scram to save this mans life with no luck. It didnt hit me till the next week or so but it occurred to me that life is not promised and i should enjoy every minute regardless of the circumstances.

"Give me your time, time is a promise of help, help in meny forms such as emotinal support, physical help. Sometimes all we need is another persons time to get through hard times. Give me your time"

Sk. Mishoe91

After quitting another job so i could continue a drinking binge, i got a minimum wage job at a thrift store where i met a very special emotion in my life, a artificial emotion fake but all of real as there can be in a fake and selfish world. Its name was crystal meth and it would come to be my first and last real and false love.

In that two years of hell i lost myapartment found myself truly homeless with nomore help from friends or family or my morals. Meth is so good it allows you to use that crutch over everything thats real in your life. Everything you love is gone. All personal items are stolen and sold. Casinos become your shelter and help is no longer excepted. All of that was reality before i discovered self harm that tears thru the skin to cause pain to heal pain that is granted by the needle. I almost gave up..

Changes come, you have to embrace those changes, except what they mean, and flow with these changes for they are what is and what needs to be. You move forward in life never backwards. As much pain as these changes bring you have to move forward, fore changes are nothing more then the universe telling you its time to move on.

Skmishoe91

After hundreds of mistakes making the same choices expecting different results i realized i had past boarderlines and was insane! With my last crazy idea it seemed the one enough to work i stopped crying that afternoon on that park bench in front of family's including women and children and called 911. I explained that i was unstable and was going to hurt myself.
Still not sure if that was my intention i found myself at a treatment center where i could finally rest and eat while catch up on some well needed food. Even though i had alot of legal issues i was able to be escorted by police to a nearby town where i could attend a week long program where they monitor behavior. Not to say im better then anyone else but i came to realize i was better then the situations i imprisoned myself in for almost a decade.
A presenter came and talked to us about sober living after a phone interview and upon my release i spent a month there where i was myself again sober, working, happy. After two paychecks i pulled out all my money and headed back to the needle and casino where i blew several hundred dollars and flused my dope and again called 911 this time in fear i overdosed. And although i had a well needed spiritual experience and a moment of clearity it also was just enough to this time show me i was facing more cons the pros of my addiction and for the first time in 4 years i called my mom she allowed me to come home and ive got my problems in order and began working. Im so sick of starting over and plan to stay on this positive path choosing to never backslide again.

"Time is the essence of the blessings that we take for granted but we are tested, for only we can learn from past mistakes and wake up in a better future"

S.k. Mishoe91

So what have i learned? Ive learned that its not how hard you fall its how you catch yourself and move forward. Ive learned how strong i really am and that not all are as lucky to be alive to tell my story.

Im twenty six years old and still have a long way to go and live.

I hope this story reaches people and inspires them to move forward! I love you all keep your path and cross from hell into level ground you can and will make it and it will make you a sharper, better, stronger person.