ROLE MODELING & PEERS

Every move counts

Last week we celebrated the farewell of the seventh class with the teachers and students of my son's class. The two class teachers, man and woman, have been with us for over three years. When I spoke to the math teacher about my son, she expressed kindness and optimism about him, even though math is his weak subject. But with the German teacher we had our problems. And when I finally said goodbye to him, laughing into the embrace, I said to him: "Hard but hearty" and he replied: "And that's what my fiercest critic says."

That was an extremely important remark. Yes, indeed, I criticized this teacher because I felt he had exaggerated in his own criticism of my son. The two had their initial difficulties and the teacher wanted to cry over it with me and regularly wrote quite inappropriate comments in my son's class register. We had various exchanges of letters and two personal meetings. At some point I said to him, "Please solve the problem. You are an adult and have a leading role. I'm not in class. I like my son and I like you. But you should stop using me as your sorrow box and build a peaceful and appropriate relationship with my son without harming him. My son isn't a "smart wimp", he's an intelligent boy, so treat him like one. I won't listen to any more complaints from you.

After that speech, a turnaround seemed to have taken place. My son no longer came home with complaints - I certainly could not protect him from the injustices of the teacher. I couldn't, but my son saw that I stood up for him and messed with the teacher in a way that was not based on hatred but on appealing to his competence. They still don't love each other, but that's reality: That there are relationships to be arranged. Nothing's perfect.

I didn't expect perfection from the teacher.

How could I? He needed a correction and I gave it to him. May he have realized that I was acting justifiably and although he never really admitted it, I still felt a form of subtle agreement. Of course, he will have forgotten about this at the next opportunity and punished my son for improper behavior. As parents, you have to live with the fact that the adults the children are dealing with are not free of mistakes and have good and bad days.

The school system is certainly not optimal. Not even close to it.

Nothing is really optimal.

Perfection is an illusion.

When we were on our way home after the school party, I asked my son if he was happy with the result of his profile class and if he was sad that he lost most of his classmates. Then he said: "No, not really. After all, L. is still in the class with me and there are only three years left anyway." He is 13 years old and has expressed an awareness of this future period. I find that a remarkable realization for a teenager.

I have heard from various parents that their daughters are very sad about the new class division and that this separation is viewed with concern.

It becomes clear that peer membership is very important in students' lives and that when their best friend moves to another class, school life becomes more difficult for their child. Friendships are important, but it is also important that your child does not become completely dependent on them. It is also an opportunity to develop and experience separation.

The fact that a class consists of all peers leads to a strong peer awareness and when the children reach puberty, they educate each other more than the adults do.

On the whole, one can be surprised that, despite the surplus of pupils in relation to the teachers, at the end of a school career, there still come out patented children who are on their way through life.

Also in the future the peer group will dominate their lives

and the children will become young adults, who in turn will be in their own company. Since the extinction of the extended family and the adoption of education by the state institutions, the multi-generational concept is no longer limited to the family. If you like, we live a socialism in capitalism. Wherein maturation goes oh so slow.

Third-party care is a fact. It continues unswervingly in its first training after completion of school. In the training company there is then a somewhat greater mixing of age groups and offers somewhat more generation differences than in school and student times. But there is a gulf between young and old that is difficult to overcome. The young tend to revolts and to sheer out, while the old have long since brought this behind themselves and admonish to caution.

As a result it can be used for the advantage of the involved. It is the role of the Youngs to disturb and to counteract. They have much to learn in trying to cross borders and to question what is established. On the other hand, it is the role of the more adult ones and elderly to not let the youth run wild. In this course of relationships a certain amount of disharmony must be accepted to finally reach a realistic form of harmony. Which is never a final destination but an ongoing and ongoing process of new events and conditions.

What I see problematic are companies where again there are only or mostly peers. An abundant system needs a mixture of different ages, knowledge, and skills.

It has to be difficult in order to be inspired by a challenge instead of aggravated. If things would come out easy, they wouldn't be seen as a learning experience. Mostly, this is possible only in retrospective and not during an aroused state of mind which indeed aggravates itself. I wasn't myself so welcoming the fact that my sons teacher became painful to him and me. In the course of interaction I often enough was annoyed and cursed him inwardly. But then I persuaded myself to look at the situation from another perspective - not from a victim point of view but from a more willingly one to deal with a problem. I always will face various kinds of problems and this will only end, when I die.

To whom I would like to attribute to have solved a problem?

To all of us: myself, my son and the teacher. I accepted that we've got to choose the least painful solution as not everything can be arranged to the greatest benefit of all. Paradoxically, exactly that should be in my mind but to be realistic enough to see that this is not always going to happen.

I do not pressure my son to be best in school. I find that not neccesarry as the pressure is already high. I want him to be a person of integrity more than anything else. He did not build a habit where he consistently learns for tests. This is going to cause him some troubles, but he must find his way to succeed in what is expected from the system and how much he is serving it and how much resisting it. I have no idea which profession he is going to pick and I am really curious about the course his life will take him.

In my own professional career I made myself available to the young candidates. I found it important that they should have a role model in me that trains them. I tried to present them always the bigger picture and to meet them not only professionally but also humanly. They weren't my children, but they were other people's children and they deserve to be taken care of.

I have used my leadership position to perceive myself as an authority and to use my advantage of experience. I encouraged the trainees and enjoyed teaching at the company that gave me work. Not all had willingly accepted what I had to offer. That is also reality.

Moving on

When I visit various institutions like with my son, I ask questions of the people who work there. I test their knowledge and their ability to pass it on. If someone is not interested enough in his work, this is reflected in his answers to the customer, client or patient. My son is then a silent observer and learns to distinguish the competent from the incompetent. In addition to school, life and observing others teaches him how to move around the world in the future. When we went to the doctor for a general examination the other day, he asked many questions about what is being tested and why. The answers were good to unsatisfactory. To those questions people were not prepared to reply, they will keep in mind and maybe will be better prepared next time. Or maybe not and they need some more questions.

My country worships academics a lot more than those who passed an education after tenth class - which is three years practice on the job combined with school attendance to learn the theoretical fundamentals of the chosen profession.

I would consider myself an academic mind as I did a lot of self study in the last ten years and continue to do so - but never attended a university. There are three educations on my list and a lot of work- and life experience. Some people though would attest me a total failure when it comes to officially recognized certificates and exams. Economically seen, I am even a greater loser as my income would appear as a joke to a lot of people.

What is the currency I deal with?

It's the people.

There is a reason why I became a social worker and a consultant for inter-relational matters.
This is what I can do best. This is what I honor and like a lot.

Why do I know that? It's the feedback I get from clients and co-workers. A feedback which as well is shown through the choices my son takes up. He recently absolved an exam to become an arbitrator in school. He participates in this program for conflict solutions for the entire next year and functions as a mediator between students.

The profile he chose is mainly about societal matters as protecting the environment and raising political questions. His teachers told me that he is good informed and has a deep interest for whats going on in the world. When a mother asked me about his choice and I told her what it was she replied: "Well, I see a lot in common with what you do." Beyond feeling flattered I was thinking that indeed my son became a curious person and is highly engaged in the themes they offer at school. Political and social engagement I always will support.

My main goal is to get along with the people I meet.

Be it the school system or the taxing office, the employees at the groceries, my work related encounters and friends and family. That does not mean that I am all for pleasing people. Quite contrary. I am for challenging and asking inconvenient questions when I observe that there might be an openness to it. I do not always hit the mark and sometimes I am overdoing or underperforming. Meaning: I am behaving wrong or clumsy or even hurtful.

Who wouldn't? My mistakes show me in the moment of under- or overdoing that I must correct my course. Also, I am aware of the fact that others do cross my borders, too. In not taking it as a personal accusation but just as some experimental approach to meet each other, it get's less complicated. Live is like a great test. Sometimes it is a good play, sometimes it's a sad story.

Some relationships I messed up.
I was mislead in my perception as well as in my behavior. Also, some encounters here on Steemit were difficult and tickled my anger. That happens. Well, I can decide what to make out of it.
And you can do that, too.

No matter where you are at. You are always a role model

for the people you engage with as well as for foreigners and people on the street. Everyone is observing everyone. Be aware of the fact that all what you sense with your eyes, ears, nose, touch and mind will be "stored" as a learning experience with the surrounding humans. We humans are social beings and tend to copy what we perceive as the dominant notion, habit and behavior.

I need not to follow the dominance but also there is no need to fiercely fight it. I want to serve as the best role model I can imagine. But I would like to use my imagination wisely and learn from the wisest. Who knows what will become dominant in a far future but who knows if I cannot help to be the change I would like to see but probably never will in totality.

Thank you for reading.

---

all giffs by https://giphy.com/gifs/circles-MQizoCZofB8Va/links