The Closet Monsters That Lurk In Support Groups- A Guide To Understanding Closet Predators

Backstory

When networking, promoting, and advocating in groups of single parents, especially single mothers beaten down by the system and the male that was suppose to protect them, I have discovered an alarming amount of predators I identify as "Closet Predators". For example, last night on a private facebook group I was a member of, I was interviewing a couple of women and getting their stories on the horrors they endured while fighting for their children. A moderator of the group, an older man and founder immediately started questioning my intention and background.

This is understandable, so I did a general summary of my background and instances with CPS and other agencies to him, and continued my work with the multiple women reaching out to me. Upon learning the amount of women wanting their stories to be told, he started attacking me wanting more info and asking questions I was uncomfortable in answering in a public forum (exposing names for example of clients for example). The intent was not to identify me, it was to undermine me. All of the links to my personal social media accounts, my business accounts, articles I have written, and other data in which my name is permanently attached to online was more that adequate to identify me as a person.

After I informed him that I provided adequate information his attacks got more personal, including pulling up articles I have written for hobby projects and insulting them on the public forums (read https://steemit.com/cryptokitties/@entrepreneur916/cryptokitties-a-short-starters-guide-plus-free-kitty-giveaway) he stated something that (coupled with his negative and obstructive behavior already) triggered a huge reg flag and immediately identified his persona..."these are MY girls."

A that moment I knew what I was dealing with...a closet predator. This man had no intention at all to help these woman, the group was created for him to exert the facade that he was the only solution for them to get better. He was their support, their go to, and he was in total control of these helpless victims and that they needed to be dependent on him. This was further magnified by the numerous amount of women reaching out, apologizing for the actions of their "moderator", and wanting to be heard, saying they couldn't get help. It was truly a sad thing to see.

This man knew that my presence was a direct threat of his world, and while I continued to get all the information and resources I could, I was getting barraged by his accusations, name calling and total disdain of my presence until I was booted by him shortly after.

I am now communicating with these woman via facebook messenger.

Predators

We hear this word often, and by default many of us think of the forceful, egotistical sociopaths in the _ Lifetime_ movies that take advantage of the physically weak or disadvantaged with brute force and violence. We see these individuals on the news with horrible stories, track records and criminal histories that would make your stomach turn in disgust at how a human being can be so evil.

However, there is another breed of this monstrous animal that I believe does not get the attention, nor the awareness of these primitive brutes, and I have given the denomination of such animals as "Closet Predators".

What is a Closet Predator?

A closet predator has many similar traits to a full blown predator, which a few distinctive attributes. They enjoy the psychological game as much of even more than the physical game.

For example, a classic closet predator is a man in which a woman starts dating. They put on the facade that they are the perfect man for them, so sweet, so selfless, so kind. They build a fake, perfect world for this woman until the claws are in deep enough to start letting the true color come through, knowing that the dependency is built and continues to manipulate the woman into staying, using everything (including children) as weapons to imprison the woman.

Closet Predators in keys roles are especially dangerous (i.e- the backstory above). These individuals has absolutely zero desire to help you, their desire is feeling that you need them for help. Their entire existence is to feel entitled, superior, and to keep you groveling for help and support while losing all confidence and self identity - This is where their true powers lie. Always be on the look-out for the behaviors I listed below:

A need for control - The predator will have a desire to be in control of all situations at all times. Even if he is "letting" you have control, behind the scenes he will impose limits.

Excessive contact - The predator will be in contact more than what many would consider normal. Sometimes an obsessive amount of communication, sometimes disguised as "worrisome" or supportive.

An extreme response to rejection, boundaries, and entitlement - Will not take "No" from you. Often times pulls ranks and proceeds to degrade until his dominance is achieved.

Self-imposed title or power - Will build groups and network with a self imposed title to garner more followers and control. Oftentimes unqualified or untruthful about qualifications to harness more power over victims.

Mistreatment of others - Will mistreat any that do not fit agenda and threaten their status, power, or bring alternative methods in. No true desire to fix or improve bad situations, even though they may take extreme measures to "prove" that they are. It's all just illusion.

Debasing comments, provoking and sarcasm - Debasing and discrediting people, provoking people and using sarcasm in a manner to cause frustration and anger instead of healthy playfulness.

Projection and gas-lighting - Convincing the world around them that you have serious issues and what you say or do may be out of line and they act as moderators. They identify their issues to the world and pawn them off as being another's issues and that they are collected and in control

Superficial charm - They come of and incredibly charming, but in fact it is extremely over-exaggerated and acted out. With little bit of focus, the extreme narcissism and self-absorption will be seen in these displays.

Pathological lying - These individuals lie pathologically, and with a little bit of attention to their stories and conversations, inconsistency will show. Pathological liars will build a false world around them and sometimes cannot decipher truth from reality.

With these key traits in mind, please be selective on who you consult and affiliate with. These predators are out there, hopefully this guide will serve as a supplement while you reach out to tell your story and gather resources in your fight for justice.

Jacob A Billett, MBA

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