Explanation time feedback much appreciated

After reading another post from @markwhittam about the guidelines of familyprotection tag I feel the need to write this post about my current situation. I don't know if he means me by any of his used examples. But if he does, I feel the need to explain myself about why I currently still only donated a few small amounts back to the community. It is not my intention to start arguing with any of the members in this community, but I feel the need to explain why I am making these choices currently. It is completely up to every individual if you can accept this, or you don't want to up vote any of my posts anymore for the next 4 months.

@markwhittam wrote

What Will Happen If I Don't Give Back? Ok, This is where I need the communities feedback, If it was up to me, then we should no longer be up voting or resteeming posts from people who are obviously here for the money and I'm sure after a few failed attempts to cash in on our good nature then we would most likely not hear from these people again. If you have an opinion on this matter please let me know in the comment section of this post.

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I feel offended by the words Mark uses as I am absolutely none of these things.
First let me please be very clear that I am not one of those people here for the money as in buying myself fancy stuff or booking a wonderful holiday. None of this is applicable to my situation, as I will explain further in this post.

When someone pointed out to me the niche @canadian-coconut writes in, I knew this will be the place to start sharing all the horrible things we have been through with CPS corruption and other government agencies. I wrote my first post that was picked up by @familyprotection and there it all started for me. And let me tell you, I have shared only pieces yet, my story goes far beyond most movies I've seen about these horrific things. Many horrible things have been done to us and the children (even our baby who was only a few weeks old was in danger) and at the same time my ex made sure we were about to loose not only our house but also our minds by the intense stalking activities and attempted murder by cutting our gasoline lines when it was bloody hot in summer.

This story can not be left untold, people that know some parts all tell me, don't be silenced it deserves to be told.

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Leaving the country was the only way for us to get back on our feet
Our bad luck was that everything was happening at the same periods of time, and first you cannot believe what is happening, when you believe it, you ask yourself why and by who is this done, and when you search deeper you find the most horrible things, and you know you are a targeted individual. My ex was part of a big organisation with many connection throughout the system, and for our safety we could only accept the 2 oldest children to be with him for that moment, and get the hell out of the country with our baby, so we stayed sane, and could climb back on our feet.

It took a while before I was strong enough again to speak up

I knew I was not gonna get my oldest 2 children back that period in our lives, as I knew my ex would never stop his activities until I would back off. I knew I had to find my own strength again, and get back that power, and when I would find it back start making a plan to fight back when nobody expects it anymore. When it will be a surprise. It has taken me around 1,5 years after leaving Holland before I could actually focus on this and write everything down and go through the evidence documents. Before that moment arrived I wrote some blogs about some episodes, but it was not as powerful as I wanted it to be. I was still in "training" mode writing it down in English. In Spain we had to get around with as little as 600 euro every month as I got an accident and back injury. We had no money left end of the month, but we got around..

Things finally started to look better for us financially

And then in August last year my boyfriend finally was approached for a job in Hungary after sending out tons of job applications. And all of the sudden we were moving to another country again in only a few weeks after the hiring process started. This was great news for us, as I could finally focus on my writing while my boyfriend would make sure the bills were paid. He always said to me I need to give you the opportunity to do what you need to do by making sure everything else is covered. But this whole process was horrible here, the company was lacking of any help, and also making many mistakes with salary and advances every month. Therefore we just moved into our own rented apartment (on contract) 5 weeks ago, after we have already been here (in Hungary not this apartment) since September last year. Luckily I had been able to put money aside to make sure we could pay the deposit and first month rent ourselves, but the company has an arrangement for this that we needed to use anyway. Why? Because we also needed to rent another place for the period before moving here, and we needed to have money to pay the previous tenant for the furniture (nothing special all IKEA but it saved us a lot of hassle this way and a lot of money)
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The company f***s up every time when there's money involved

We had no choice but to use the arrangement from the company for this advance, as we have our 2 year old and we can't move into an empty apartment (we came to Hungary only with the suitcases filled with cloths and some toys). No problem, the company said it would be deducted in 6 payments, great! But afterwards they told my boyfriend it would be in 4 payments, and at that point I was filled with stress once again, because they don't do as they say they will. I decided this is enough, I don't want to get into stress every other month once again because they don't pay full salary or overtime (because my boyfriend works his butt off trust me) or because they pay too little salary to pay the bills. I decided this ends now.

Keeping the roof over our head is my priority at this moment

I know I have a plan for the money earned here to pay for all the costs (lawyer, psychologists, private investigator etc) when I am ready to get the process started for getting back the 2 oldest children. But I cannot afford to get homeless again with a young child, and especially not once again because another third party (in this case the company) keeps messing up every month. No, this time I actually CAN do something to avoid this situation.. This time it is in my hands to make sure this won't happen! So why on earth would I let this happen? I spoke with my boyfriend about it, and he was against my plan at first, because he said save the money don't touch it now. But when I explained the company would take half his salary for the next 4 months, and we would only be able to pay the rent / internet / gas / heating and lightning with this, he saw where I was coming from.

Now please correct me if I'm seeing this all wrong, but would the familyprotection community rather see me donating the bits that we may need very hard next months instead of keeping it for a few months as an insurance policy to stay safe here? Is it a problem to wait a bit getting my part of the donations? I am not going anywhere, and I believe @familyprotection is not going anywhere either in the next 4 months, so when I don't keep my word you know where I am, and you can confront me, right?

We have been fighting to get back from having nothing to where we are now

We are back on our own feet, due to our own strength, not because any one reached out to us in Holland, every thing we accomplished that was of any value getting back on our feet was due to our own decisions and plans we executed. I know our value, and I was not accepting them to ruin us, to never climb back up again. That my 2 oldest children are with that horrible person in the meanwhile is really difficult for me, and it took me many tears and moments of frustration and anger to learn to cope with as it is. But knowing that you made it upwards again due to your own power (especially as that one CPS lady kept saying they have "vague" plans for this and that) I feel the need to prove myself that I know what I am talking about when I say we have skills to accomplish things in life.
Basically if I don't add any money we will be in big trouble 4 months and as we have a notary document they can easily get us evicted when we don't pay rent on time

This is how our next 4 months will be financially

So the situation would be as followed next 4 months, we finally have that wonderful apartment after all the hassle last months, but for the next months the company deducts this advance to get this apartment for the amount of half the salary. My boyfriend works his butt off doing overtime (minus the last 2 weeks due to illness) but this is no guarantee that we will benefit from this, as salary is not correct most of the times. This month happened what I foresaw in my predictions (unfortunately) they paid about 200 euro less in salary.

My solution for this

So what is my plan the next months? To transfer some of the funds to my bank account at the end of the month, in case it is needed to survive the month. This is no luxury money, but survival money for when we just don't have enough money to get around. We are not talking about living a luxury life here or something! We moved in here and bought the absolute minimum items we need, we don't even have a tv or a sofa but have our bed inside our living room together with the 2 chairs and a table. People may think why?
The last tenants were not a couple but two friends, and the big room was used as the living space and bedroom in one by one of them. We bought her furniture so we would have a good deal, and did not have the hassle of getting the stuff here (without transportation) but this meant we have no sofa and the bed is in our living room until we have the money to buy a sofa and move this to the actual bedroom. It is living like students a bit, but the apartment is really quiet and I love it.

Trust me I am making sacrifices to get through this the next months

My back injury is not to happy with the fact that we don't have the funds to buy ourselves a decent bed base and mattress (oh gosh, I really miss our new mattress we had in Spain!) and since we moved in here I am in more pain then I have been last months. But I know it is temporary, and a sacrifice that has to be made. I know eventually it will be fine, and we will have a decent sofa and bed here. We are not affording ourselves any luxury here, it is not that I live the royal lifestyle with my steemit earnings! My initial first goals were to find those things above, but this will not be reality the next 6 months at least, I guess. If I have bad intentions here, I could have bought the bed base and sofa from it for example, but I didn't because it is for another cause. And my cause is what the familyprotection stands for right?

To invest in the professionals needed to build the big case against the state/CPS/my dangerous ex to get my 2 oldest sweethearts back to me.

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I have read the comment a while ago that still hurts me when I repeat it: "we are not here to help ourselves, but others in need." Writing this scentence down makes me cry actually, tears roll down when I type this part. I am first making sure we are stable again, and I can honestly say I am pretty proud of ourselves proving that we can save money and we don't depend on one third party (the company my boyfriend works for) to be ok. I am done with this cycle we had in Holland too, everything seems to be fine, in a few months it will be all solved, and then the next problem appears. I refuse to live like this, and I am making sure I will have back up option. I spent lots of hours writing my posts, and these are not just made up stories. This is our story! And I am also here to help my family that has been ripped apart. But that is not where my goals end! I am trying to turn all my shit experiences in the past into something good to help others.

Getting evicted was not on US, they admitted that they should have paid us 6 months before, but then it was already done. I became a control freak when it comes to making sure things are arranged and I find it VERY hard to rely on others doing so.

For example here in Hungary you have to walk to certain steps to get things done with the government. And as we were walking around in circles not having a registration on an address somewhere until last month, I could not go to the Dutch embassy to arrange my passport. My id card is expiring in a month, and I can't be without identification, but because everyone was working against us here, I have to go there (in my opinion) very last minute to get this done. And it is not cheap, but necessary.

So is getting a private health insurance for me, as my European health insurance card is also expiring in April. I won't be able to go to the doctor without it, but here in Hungary you have to pay one whole year at once, even if you get it somewhere along the year. And the options I have come down to the whole salary my boyfriend is getting the next 4 months. That is something I actually can't even afford to pay for at this point, and hopefully I will find solutions for this the next month, as I don't want to be left without insurance. But luckily it's only applicable to myself, my little girl is insured and my boyfriend also. So it's only my problem that I have to deal with.

I am not a selfish person, at the same time we were homeless and had nothing, we still helped others too. And I have spoken about it before in my posts here, I have worked out a bigger idea with several ways to help others in need in the future when everything is stable again. As several other people here told me before that it is quite important to make sure we are doing well first, before I can give it my all to help others too. And there is this one person here that asked me several times if there is anything he can do to help, and if so I should let him know.

I never asked ANYBODY anything here, everyone is free to up vote my posts or not to do so.

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I am not here to steal from a good cause, actually my part of the earnings go TO that cause when I am ready to start this process.This is unfortunately not a thing I can finish overnight, as everything I wrote before was in Dutch, but I am aiming to go through the European Court now. It needs to be complete and all in English. And this does not only concern CPS horror, but also the government taking everything from us, and violating human rights with this, but at a certain point there was severe gang stalking involved. If you have no idea what this is, I will come out with this story at a certain moment, but as this is the most horrific I have ever been through and still gives me night terrors, this is not a thing I just easily write about. Actually it gives me nightmares again after I spoke about it, so I choose my writing moments wisely.

Everything I post here under the familyprotection tag (and other tags) is my own writing, and unless stated otherwise, it is my own story. My own experiences, that I share not only to get my story written down, but especially to help others that are going through simular situations. I once promised myself, if my story helps even as little as 1 other person in the future after me sharing it, it was for a good cause. I try to turn every bad thing as soon as possible in a positive thing, which is not always easy, believe me.. But I do my best to seek positive sides in every hard period that overcomes us. And actually I am proud of where we are now.

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Me donating just a little bit at this moment is not because you will not receive bigger portions back in the future, but is to guarantee that we will not be homeless again and making sure that we can get through the end of the month while deductions are taking place. After this period there will be a big relief of stress and I will make up by donating afterwards. So I don't know if @markwhittam spoke about me when he named some numbers, but if so, I am not that person you speak about in that way. And I actually am a person that gets really frustrated when treated unfair, due to my ex and for example CPS / police etc, and I don't want to be called names when I am only trying to survive and get through this with the options we have.

When I started to write here, I did not know this would be the case the next 4 months. But I am pretty happy that I did not put all the earnings into power, so I can now access the funds when I need to. I did what my gut feeling told me (everybody advised me to power up) and once again this was proven to be the right thing for us. As I know what is the right thing for us, but I need to listen to my inner voice, and not get disturbed by noises outside that try to confuse me. My gut feeling has proven to be the right many times, but I have made the mistake many times to not to listen to it, that I can't afford ignoring it anymore. And so I won't. I have adapted to the situation as is for the next months, and everything will be fine. That is my main concern, and that is our priority.

Does this mean I am not thankful for the support here?

Hell no, as I write in the bottom of my posts I am very thankful for the support. And I will not forget to give back to the community after this is behind us. You have my word on that, and I hope the members can see this reading my posts. I am not full of bullshit, I am not here to dump shitty posts that do the community no good. I am here to make people aware of government issues and at the same time the writing helps me heal bit by bit to be able to cope with what's done. If you are not able to see through my posts that I am genuine, and that I am a person with a good heart instead of a rat or parasite, please never up vote me again. But I want to say it one last time, I am none of these things.

This quote comes from one of the founders of familyprotection, @markwhittam

I would like to remind everyone that we can't force anybody to donate some of their rewards back to the cause, all we can do is stop supporting such people, and lets face it, we could really do without these parasites.

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I don't know if you meant me when you used the word parasites, but if you did I can assure you I am no parasite, and I have never been one either. Not even without an income still feeding (back then) 2 children, our fridge was filled with vegetables and fruit, they did not notice the financial problems. Not because I was panicking and stealing or robbing people, or taking advantage of people .. No, because I became creative.. I walked to sometimes 5 grocery stores a day, because they had the rule if you find one piece of fruit/vegetables you get a bag of 5 euro for free (some of them let you even choose the fruit and vegetables you wanted).
And I searched online for all kinds of give away groups, people that had leftovers that night. I picked them up if they offered. I traded the things that I had too many of that I got in the grocery stores (the 5 euro bags fruit/vegetables) so we would have more diversity of food, and others would do too. I never have been a parasite!
And I will not accept to be called one, I am too good a person for that. I have no bad intentions, and it actually hurts me if this was also directed at me. What I actually wanted to say with this part here, is that sometimes there is more to the story than you may know. I did not want to openly tell here what my situation at this point is, as its none of people's business in fact. But having the idea being called a parasite / rat or something gave me the feeling that I had to explain to the community before people start calling me names personally.

I am an emotional person, and not knowing who you are referring to exactly, plus the fact that I already felt guilty not being able to donate as much as I had planned, made me write this post anyway. So here it is, anyone can act upon it as they want, but I sure hope things will stay respectful in the comment section, as it is my life I talk about, and I am only trying to handle the situation in the best way I can, not trying to take from others being a parasite doing nothing good for others. As I am doing good, I am sharing my story, and I am trying to educate people from sharing my mistakes, and I WILL succeed in all my goals that I've planned. If sharing this with the community will result in the fact that I will not be getting support anymore, because my donations will follow after this situation here is behind us, then other ways will come on my path. I had the feeling that I was in the right community to share my part, I felt very welcome until I read the last post. I am actually afraid getting on the shit list that was spoken about. I don't deserve that!

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Maybe I got it all wrong, and is it my own feeling of guilt about not "following the rules of the familyprotection guidelines" but then I guess I will find out too after this post is read. I feel that my story / goals / experience is what @familyprotection is all about. And I thought the other members thought so too, otherwise I would not have been getting upvotes, right? But is this different all of the sudden when I am in this position I am in now? Does the delay of donations on my behalf make me a bad person/parasite/rat instead of a loving mother fighting for her rights and children? Because in my opinion there is no shame being in my situation, I am only preventing us to get downhill again. I hope the community can give me answers to these questions? It would certainly clear up things for me .. So thank you in advance for that!

Let me finish this post, as I think I have said enough.. I don't mean to offend anyone by this post, but I want to clear up things. Maybe I got it all wrong, maybe I am in the wrong community as I am in this position now? Maybe all my writing is not contributing to any of the cause anymore? I don't know, I hope to find out after posting this. I actually hope that I may have understood it all wrong, because I don't feel that I am that person that is addressed to in the posts I spoke about. I still am the same person, and I am only preventing getting downhill again, because I have learned from the past that it doesn't take too much to get into problems. I would not know where to go to here in a strange country (Hungary) if things were to go that way. Better safe than sorry, is my opinion...

Again, I am very thankful for the support I received here until now, and I still believe this is a good cause to make people aware of what's behind the government agencies worldwide. That I quoted some parts of @markwhittam here is because I hope to show (with my explenation afterwards) that people see why it offends me. Not because I want to talk bad about @markwhittam but it is my respond to that post. I do not wish to offend anyone in the community. Hopefully this is not understood in the wrong way. I felt the need to explain, so I did.

Thank you for reading this! And thanks in advance for the feedback..

AnoukNox

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