I Know That I Am Fat

From my young time I have been battling obesity. I am overweight for my entire life. I was called names by my schoolmates from my primary to secondary times. They called me Annie Gunny Sack especially the diva group. They had always laughed at me and my dressing and it did affect my self-esteem badly. I began to hate school, so I was purposely absent from school most of the time. I'd rather sleep at home than facing those bullies.

Me on the left with my friend at a restaurant - Oct 2017

That was my past, for there were blessings in the ugly story. Besides being absent from school most of the time, I was also anti-sports activities. Seeing that attitude, my teachers tried to dig out my other talents and they got it right. They had assigned me as emcee for school events which ultimately enhances my public speaking skills and this has been my strength that helped me during my university time which thereafter created a steady career path for me till where I am today. I salute my secondary school teachers and will forever be indebted to them for the rest of my life.

Me, emceeing a company event

Back to my obese story, I am really mental about my fatness till now and had tried to lose weight and went through so much hell doing it. There was one time I only drank water for 10 days without any food, did too much exercise and sauna. And at my 10th day I fainted after the sauna and luckily nothing serious happened to me that time. For this ordeal, I had lost 10kg in 10 days. And had not done that craziness again after that incident.

The other time I took slimming pills over the dosage prescribed by the doctor and again fainted and then I stopped taking it after 6 months. I went for many slimming programmes and wasted thousands of Malaysian Ringgit but they cannot make me slim which made me more mental about my obese problem. I had even thought about taking a knife and cutting my bulging fat tummy that looks like bus spare tyre.

This is like a disease for me and I have to shoulder it for the rest of my life. These several incidents from my past had tainted me forever; the teasings from my childhood time, dumped several times for other slim girls and denied jobs. I felt it worst when some friends like to tease me in a crowded place. Those stories had made me feel embarrassed with myself and resulted in me doing stupid things most of the time. I hate my body seriously "Why Me? Why Am I Fat? Why Why Why!!!" I always see myself as one ugly fat lady and I hate it everyday till now. I wish I can change this feeling that's burning inside of me but I can't, I was scarred for life.

The point is don't be mean to fat people. We have feelings and we know that we are fat coz we do have our pair of eyes to see that. No one wanna look ugly, let alone being discriminate for being fat. Some people even label fat people as lazy, stupid, dirty, smelly and many other bad labelings. To the extent that some fat people even committed suicide after being bullied and harassed continuously.

I am looking at my plump daughter and pray hard that life will not be harsh on her like what I have gone through. May the Universe looks after her kindly.

Kindness is free, it's contagious. Let's do our part in spreading kindness. Yours truly, ainie.