RE: I fucking hate you and I want you to die
Go for a huge walk .....all day. Listen to something like History in 100 objects on headphones. At first all your frustrations won't shut up so indulge them and let them run free. The podcasts will play on. Eventually you will start listening to them as deep down you are quite the curious wunny babbit and your head will race in a different direction. Hopefully something will inspire to run home and write something or check it out. Don't do it yet. Find something to share with your wife. If there are any wild flowers pick them. If you see something interesting take a photo of it, even if your camera is shite. Maybe even find something for your mother who you don't really hate but are just too close to and recognize something of her in you. (which is really annoying). The problems will still be there when you get back but at least you made some time to try deal with them.
Before that you can curse Sugarfix who "doesn't know you" and stick up the middle finger because he is an ass. However you go for that walk anyhow as it will be good to escape the claustrophobic hellhole for just a little bit.
I am also very thankful to your thoughtful response. I would consider it but I can't go very far because of my current health issues and it would be extremely unsafe to do so in my city which is one of the most dangerous places in the world to be out in the streets. Heck, not even justs because of how likely I am to get mugged, there's also the way I look like I'm on drugs all the time because of my different behaviour which can attract police offers to pick on me and likely take me to the police station having me locked up for a while.
I would really like to do all the things you suggested, though. So before anything else I should thank this random Sugarfix guy "who cares" and be very, very sincere while at it. Thank you, @sugarfix.