Booking The Undertaker's Retirement: A Mark's Two Cents

THE UNDERTAKER... the dead-or-maybe-not-man, avid Limp Bizkit fan, spoopy eye-rolling guy... even if you don't think he's the greatest WRASSLER of all time, it's hard to debate that he's the greatest character in the history of professional wrestling.

The Undertaker is my favorite wrassler of all time, with guys like Triple H and Kane following behind him. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but he is way up there in athlete years. He's not getting an younger, and with any aging wrassler, fans are wondering how his send-off will play out, and who will partake in said send-off.

As we speak, names like Goldberg, Finn Bálor, John Cena and AJ Styles are all fitting final opponents for The Phenom.

However, I would like to invite you into another world where Undertaker's retirement is in my hands. I am in no way saying any of this will happen, I'm just sharing my dream scenario here. Enjoy!

A Monday Night in January... RAW... no intro music, no pyro, only a shot of a cheering crowd. Suddenly, we hear a crow's cawing. The lights go off, and Sting enters the arena to his classic WCW theme song (nothing against his WWE theme song, but let's get real). He enters the ring and his music fades. The obvious "welcome back" chants echo throughout. After he simply stands in the middle of the ring for a few minutes, Undertaker's trademark gong booms through those expensive speakers.

The Undertaker is face-to-face with Sting. The Phenom and The Icon. Similar to the Undertaker/Triple H angle in 2011, the two legends do not say a word to each other... they only stare eye-to-eye, and then turn their attention to that cliché WrestleMania sign in any WWE arena around that time.

Throughout the next few months, the two trade words to open episodes of RAW... each segment gets more and more intense, as both Sting and Undertaker make it clear that they are both here for one last war... each final war against the other.

While the feud gets more and more intense, these two wouldn't really need a reason to face one another, other than the fact that they've never crossed paths until now. This doesn't even shape up to be a battle for respect, as both of these guys have mutual, unspoken respect, as well as unearthly respect from the fans. All this feud needs to be is the end-all, be-all for two of the greatest entertainers in this sport's history.

Finally, we get to WrestleMania... Phenom vs. Icon is, and SHOULD be, the main event. Sting makes a grand entrance, similar to the one from WrestleMania 31, but on a much bigger scale and set to better music. 

As Sting enters the ring and his music fades, the crowd is already electric, damn-near blowing the roof off of the place.

*GONG*

The arena goes dark, fans lose it.

*GONG*

A rumbling is heard/felt, as the entire arena shakes. A giant platform rises from the ground.

A graveyard... and every headstone has the name of a former WrestleMania opponent of Undertaker's... Batista, Shawn Michaels, Kane, Ric Flair... everybody who fell victim to Undertaker's legendary undefeated Streak (yes, I capitalize "Streak," sue me) has a grave reserved for them.

Several bolts of "lightning" strike the headstones, and they somehow are lit on fire (spooky magic, duh). But, then, a roar of thunder. Rain begins pouring from the roof, and the flames are extinguished. 

*GONG*

*GONG* 

We hear Undertaker's very first theme song. The song we heard nearly 30 years ago at that historic Survivor Series.

He finally makes his way up these rocky steps into the graveyard, with one bright light shining behind him, only showing us his silhouette. That iconic blue-ish purple lighting soon swallows the setting. The Undertaker slowly looks around the graves of his fallen foes, surveying each headstone as he passes it.

He then makes his way to the ring, never looking away from Sting.

The bell rings to a thunderous response from the crowd.

Throughout this match, they leave it all out there, beating the shit out of each other in the name of what they both live and breathe. The bout is an absolute classic, up there with Undertaker's battles with Shawn Michaels or Triple H. 

Sting gets Undertaker in the Scorpion Death Lock, and Undertaker miraculously counters it into a Hell's Gate, almost putting Sting away.

Two Tombstone Piledrivers don't end the match, and as Undertaker goes for a third one, Sting slides down his back and drills Undertaker with a Scorpion Death Drop... 1, 2, A KICKOUT.

Much like HBK's "I'm sorry, I love you" to Ric Flair, a very human moment is shared between Sting and The Undertaker... a rare sign of vulnerability where both men, beaten almost to a pulp, embrace the fact that this is the final 3-count they'll be a part of.

Undertaker, lowering the straps, lifts Sting up one last time, and delivers a final, devastating Tombstone Piledriver to pick up the victory.

Afterwards, Sting gets a huge ovation, and the "THANK YOU, STING" chants are deafening. After leaving the ring, The Undertaker drops to one knee one more time, as the arena, once again, turns blue.

He makes his way up the ramp, clearly emotional, as Sting meets him at the top to hug him. Both icons hold each other's hands up for the two metaphorical victories that are their careers.

"UN-DER-TAKE-R!" 

*CLAP, CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"THANK YOU, STING!"

"UN-DER-TAKE-R!" 

*CLAP, CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP*

"THANK YOU, STING!"