Why Yelling At Kids Doesn’t Work

in #writing2 years ago

I hate when parents yell at their kids. It’s so stupid to me. One adult sized baby yelling at one normal sized baby. As adults our job is to raise other tiny humans and teach them how to be. The way we do this is by example. The way you react to conflict, dilemmas, aggression, disagreement, etc. is how your children will react. Maybe not at first but after watching your consistent behavior they will. 

So many times I see children become overwhelmed with their emotions and in turn the parents not only do the same but then blame their kids for making them upset. Either because the kids aren’t acting correctly or they are being selfish or literally any other reason you could think of. Well, they’re kids. Of course they are selfish. You have to teach them not to be. 

Instead of getting frustrated with a child try to explain what they should be doing in a calm tone and ask them if they understand. If they are upset listen to them and repeat their feelings back in a way that makes them feel acknowledged. Share a time when you felt the same way. Not to compare but to relate. So they know they aren’t alone. 

Take the time. Or you’re going to raise assholes.


Thanks for the words, yes for everything limits
Thanks for sharing‏

Sadly, I believe that the idea of yelling is a primitive way of disciplining. We all know that we have 2 instinctual responses and that is why it doesn't work. We all understand that all living beings with a brain will respond to a "threat" in its immediate environment. When you yell at a child, it makes them want to fight you or run away.

Also, the parent yelling is doing nothing more than using force. It's this same idea that we use to "train" a dog. Yell, and punish for bad behavior. Spank the dog when it poops in the house etc, etc. If you want to assert your will on a wild bear instead of your child, you can try to use force but it wont work. Maybe on a dog, or a cat, or a rabbit.. because they have less physical mass than you. This is the reason we are able to yell and scream at kids. But when they grow up and they get bigger than you, that can change. And at that point you better hope you never used physical discipline because when you strike someone they want to strike you back.

Love is the way of teaching. Society has not necessarily taught us the correct way of raising children in my opinion. It was only 1 generation ago that teaches were able to abuse children in public. All the older generation thinks we are all brats in this era because the government doesn't allow them to beat their children anymore. I am raising a child and I dont smack them like my parents did me. I use intellect and try to be as honest and up front with my child as possible. I try to be straight forward and explain things. Sure, I still get angry, which is a huge fault of mine that I am working on. But I believe my daughter will grow up to raise her children without physical punishment and yelling.

To be honest, I think an approach as to how we can discipline kids varies on a case to case basis. I've met people who we're disciplined in such a way that's even considered "abuse" to some, but turned out to be an ideal community member. While some, who grew up with a very understanding parent, turned out to be someone who barely respects anyone.

Since everyone's love language differs, I think whats important is to really get to know a child and what kind of method would work best for him and her. Understanding and patience, too. Plus all fingers and toes crossed to hope for the best. Haha.

This is a nice article and i think that all the parents need to read this! Congratulations!!!

Do you have children? Or teens? I used to think the same way as you’ve written. I didn’t yell at my little boy. Then he turned into a complete teen-boy stereotype – and I learned why moms yell.

More to the point, is yelling really the issue? Or is it forgetting to reinforce what is said, in whatever tone it is said, with appropriate reinforcement actions? I see lots of parents driven to distraction by their kids, yelling at them, but doing nothing proactive to reinforce the discipline they are trying to impart. Or – and this is the experience of most parents today – is it people sitting in judgement of our parenting who are not, never have been, and never will be in that moment in which we’ve been driven to yell?

A real life event, witnessed by me (I had been sitting on my own front porch watching my young son playing with other children in our yard): A mother I know, devoted to her son and daughter, is a woman who never raises her voice. She doesn’t hit her children. Her then eleven-year old daughter was angry over having her phone taken away from her. She was outside, on her front porch blocking her mother’s entry, screaming obscenities at her mother, who just walked away. The girl continued screaming so loudly and with such profane vitriol, that the workman building a house a block away stopped their work and came out into the middle of the street to see what was happening. Her mother walked around to the back of the house and went inside through the back door. The girl remained at the front door screaming for several minutes more until she finally flounced off the porch, flopped on the lawn and laid there crying piteously until she wore herself out to the point she couldn’t be heard any longer.

Another real life event: I had my son at the age of 40. I’m also disabled and use a cane to walk. He was a very active and extremely curious toddler. When we went places in public, I didn’t want to keep him strapped down to a stroller all the time. I wanted him to grow up active and moving. So, I employed a tether. Everywhere we went, he wore his favorite monkey backpack, which was really a harness and tether. He was a laughing, curious, happy little boy. That didn’t stop the judgey-judges from telling me how terrible it was to “put a leash” on my child.

Another real life event: My husband was in the line at the grocery. Our then two-year old was in the seat in front of him. Our curious toddler kept reaching out for all the brightly colored packages in front of him. My husband kept pulling his hands away, but never raised his voice nor scolded our son. An elderly judgey-judge behind him flat out GROWLED at my husband, “You’re spoiling that child!”

A generalization: A kid who wanders through the store touching everything, knocking over displays, picking up products, etc., while a parent drones in futility for them to behave – we’ve all seen that parent and child. How often have we seen a child run amok in a store, while a parent just keeps futilely calling for them to stop? We’ve all heard the parent’s nagging refrain. How many times has that parent removed the child’s hands from their straying? Or held the child’s hand to stop them roaming? Does the parent ever pick up that small child and put them in the cart so the can no longer run amok? I also know that I have seen people look upon that parent with scorn and even heard some deride their parenting. Most of these judgey-judges think they’re offering helpful advice. Worse, if the parent does take hold of the kid’s hand, or puts them in the cart, the child has a meltdown and then all those same self-appointed judgey-judges around the little family look on in scorn or, again, take it upon themselves to let the parent know what a terrible parent they are being.

Parenting is hard. It’s practically a minefield, at times. There are no easy answers – EVER. No one wants to yell at their kids or to see anyone else’s kids yelled at. But, there are times when yelling feels like the only thing left. If a child will not listen to calm reason, or has a meltdown over direct intervention, what is left to parents? And, who are we to judge?

Perhaps more “walk a mile in my shoes” and fewer judgey-judges would make parenting less of a minefield. Maybe yelling is just clearing a path through the minefield.

My kids lesson without me having to yell at them granted that they are 3 and 1 years old but still.

where can i find time when i'm spending it on steemit reading bad posts and commenting them

Totally agree...parents should not be yelling at their kids.. I see it all the time myself, and it really upsets me.. It's not an excuse if our lives are to busy to be parents ..Life is hard.. bottom line. and if you bring kids into this world.. you best be ready for it.. Think before we act is always a good rule // Great read.. followed ,resteemed and upvoted

Good article, I love it and I agree with you. Don't look our childs with our adult mind side, but look them from their mind and want.

Nice post, excuse me to vote and resteem.
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Yes yelling to kids is not good, we have to educate them and show them what is right and what is wrong.

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I wish every parents can actually read this right now, so they can have a better idea about children up bringing

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Instead of getting frustrated with a child try to explain what they should be doing in a calm tone and ask them if they understand. If they are upset listen to them and repeat their feelings back in a way that makes them feel acknowledged. Share a time when you felt the same way. Not to compare but to relate. So they know they aren’t alone.

Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't.

@writesbackwards its right also to shout at kids sometimes because they also need someone to shout at them and say be in proper manner also and sometimes its rude also that why you are shouting everyone says this.

Please every parent need see & read this post...
.....Thank you

Great point.
Parents must establish a habit of communication with like rules for the talk. Yelling must not be one of the rules.

Kids only want attention. For me, the best way to to descipline a child is treating them like an adult not a childlike. Yes, yelling at them bring no good to them,

This is good stuff. Many parents have lost their ability to relate and connect to their children just by yelling and lossing it.

Parents should know that most children have a natural desire to look up to and admire their parents; craving for approval.

The wiser parent will play their cards smart and help nurture amazing children

Very nice and good article dear I like this thanks for share this