WHAT IS THE BEST CONDIMENT ANYWAY? Ketchup or Ranch

The modern world affords us an incredible amount of convenience when it comes to food. Not only do we have an almost endless supply of any food we want, we also have access to a seemingly infinite choice of what do dip that shit into. 

So what’s the best?

For this discussion, we must clear the field. Obviously, you can stick things into anything, and for that reason there are thousands of condiments, from mustard to pickled relish. But for the regular food lover of American faire, there comes to rivals: Ketchup or Ranch

KETCHUP: Arguably the most common American condiment, it occupies 97% of of US households and has been a major staple, since Heinz started mass producing it. It’s a sweet, tomato-y compliment any salty or savory item, like french fries or any kind of meat. People just love it. 

You can dip it, or slather it on anything. Got a rancid hamburger? Cover it in Ketchup? Old eggs in the kitchen that stink? Fry’em and drown’em. 

The flavor of Ketchup is so overwhelming, you’re can put almost anything in it, and all you taste is the sweet evil of the red sauce.

Which brings me to…

RANCH: This wonderful dressing, made from buttermilk, salt, garlic, onion and oil, has been the best-selling salad dressing in the United states since 1992, when it overtook Italian Dressing. [1]

It’s a versatile, savory sauce that compliments an extremely wide range of foods, from raw uncooked vegetables, to super spicy chicken wings. It is great on french fries, and slices of pizza. It doesn’t just compliment a dish, it literally makes the dish, as in the Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwich so common a staple at the best American restaurants. 

And speaking of broccoli and hot wings, it’s actually helpful. It assists the picky eater in getting their veggies, and it aides the overzealous bar patron, breathe a cool breath of relief after eating a too hot to handle wing. Ranch is the great savior to all.

So in the end, which wins? The sauce that is most used in the entire world, or the versatile savior, repurposed from the world of salad that might one day save your life?

Well before we decide, it should be noted, that in all my years on the internet, I’ve seen plenty of porn that had a very ranch dressing looking “cum shot” finish the video. But it wasn’t until I saw a beautiful girl, dowse fries and herself in Ketchup, that I truly fell in love.

Touche Ketchup. You win this round.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranch_dressing