Near Death Experiences - The Stories Always Suck

in #writing3 years ago (edited)

It’s well known and widely regarded that listening to someone recount their dream to you (even if you’re not sleeping with them) is one of the most painful, non-lethal forms of torture we have to live through in our everyday life. It’s up their with stories about a night of drinking, explanations about “why you and your ex” are getting back together, and the detailed description of a concert you weren’t at.

But one anecdote that you’d think would hold a lot more weight is the retelling of a near death experience.

You’d think that would hold an audience and draw a crowd.

Well, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t.

No one cares, and here’s why: we know from the beginning of the story, that everyone comes out of it alive.

For a story to be interesting, the outcome must be unsure. Not unsure like in a dream, where all of the sudden you’re in your old classroom and your hand is made of dick-shaped Jell-O molds. That shit didn’t happen. Unsure, like at the end of it, your mom leaves your dad and admits to you that she’s a lesbian. That kind of “unsure” makes a story interesting, and will get you the followers you want.

But with a near death experience story, they just can’t hold the attention of the listener.

Let me give you an example: One time, I was riding my bike with a friend and they fell in front of me right as a truck was driving past us. My friend hit the ground and the truck passed on, and well… ok, she was fine, but the truck was like SOOO close to running over her head, and I was all like, “Oh shit! You almost got your head run over, but then you didn’t, and that’s crazy, cuz I would have been all like, fuuuuuck.”

See? You stopped giving a shit the SECOND I started telling the story, because you already knew that no matter how much suspense or build-up I lead with, in the end my friend is fine.

Look, I’ll grant you as the story teller, that fucking sucks. Watching a friend ALMOST die in front of you is traumatic and potentially damaging. But what’s even more frustrating and horrible, is that there is just NO WAY to tell that story, without the eventual result being your friend saying, “That’s crazy.” And you being like, “NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT WAS CRAZY, THEY WERE ALMOST DEAD, AND NOW THEY’RE NOT.”

And they go, “I know, I just said, that was crazy.”


And they say, “So, Chinese food or pizza tonight?”

But look, I could be wrong. Maybe it’s just that all of my stories of friends almost dying suck. Maybe it’s that I’m telling them wrong.

Have you or your friend almost died, and you think it’s an interesting story? Tell it below and we’ll decide!

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If you are interested, there is a show on Netflix called "The OA" which is pretty much all about near death experiences and how that has changed lives. Pretty odd show but something you might want to check out. There is only one season but I read that they are in the process of filming a second season.

Watched it, enjoyed it, and occasionally do the dance moves when no one but the dog is watching :)

You shouldn't think like this.. We all should take a lesson from this kind of experience.. It helps to be a good person. This experience is really painful but it will always remember you that death can be happen any time,so that time u will be afraid to do bad work🙂
Just sharing thoughts

Yes, it's important to remember that life is precious, but I'm just talking about the story itself. I mean, guy starts a story with "at the end of this everyone is fine," then the stakes he's building by telling me how drunk he was when he got behind the wheel, are slightly diminished... that's all I'm saying.

In that case you are right.. Wish you Good luck.. Your blog is awesome

A Near Death Experience happens when you actually die. Not Almost die.
This is what I understand it to be.
I have personally not undergone this, but I have read extensively on the subject.

You're defining terms and then arguing your point. My article takes a different perspective. But I'm curious, in your readings, when a person described what they "saw from beyond this astral plane" didn't you just kinda feel like you were listening to some asshole tell you about how they dreamt they were in a Burger King made of all white light, and then The Colonel from KFC told them that their mother wished they called more?

There is a cool fictional show on Netflix called The OA about NDE's. Pretty good entertainment I think. You are right, much more captivating than your story above. Interesting comments. Semantics aside, I understand what you are saying. Here is my example. People can't believe I have never seen Titantic... No thanks, I know how it ends.

Agreed. But here's what you haven't seen: her sweet sweet cans rendered in a perfectly artistic charcoal medium in the meta dual reality that exists between an object that exists in a movie, and the prop that had to be created for the film. Someone in the real world had to see her beautiful body, and then sketch it in charcoal, so Leonardo had something to hold in that scene... and that charcoal drawing is beautiful.

Think about that!

Yeah, I agree with you it's not interesting especially if the person you hate didn't die lol.

That's dark, but I like it. :)

I think you're confusing NDE with almost-accidents. There are some people who actually experienced clinical death and came back to tell the story. I read some online but none of my friends had one (thank God). And the types of stories you mention here I don't even pay attention to. Its like my mind is so powerful it drowns the outside noise of bullshit. I call this superpower selective perception. I can even ignore you out of existence if you start critical bullshit talk like "I want this..." or "Is my butt too [insert variable here]".

I don't really agree with your definition of terms. If I'm standing on the sidewalk and a bus jumps the curb barely missing me, and knocking the latte out of my hand... That's a near death experience in my book. But I will grant you, someone who has been declared dead and then comes back has experienced something different...

And yet, their story will fall into the "dreams" category, and still be completely uninteresting to me, so in the end it's same-sies.

Near death experiences really involve actual physical death and then returning back again ;)

That's just your definition. From my perspective, you're actually describing zombies, or a risen lord... which is a completely different brand of laundry detergent. But thanks for reading :)

hehe.. Well, people die quite regularly and are revived. The relevant issue for me is whether they become aware of themselves on the non physical levels of reality and whether or not that awareness is retained after the experience. Near Life Experiences are much more the norm for humans, sadly ;)

I don't really agree with that analogy. Someone might suffer a near death experience, and say gets some form of deformity from it. He goes through a depressing streak.... Somehow, he finds the strength to get up and do something about his life.... And then becomes an inspiration to many...... Yes, he's alive, but he turned it alive, and is saving lives, so to speak.... So the write-up up there, that isn't always the case.

P.S: I was expecting more of NDE's but this is more or less about close shaves. Cheers

The story you're describing of a person experiencing an almost death, surviving only to be changed, and then overcoming that... THAT is a story I'd be happy to listen to, subscribe to, buy a ticket to, or go to the the theater for. But the part where they "almost died, but didn't"... by your very own admission, is just the beginning of the story.

Great writing keep it up.