It's always good to see a bit of lengthier writing on Steem.
I would just suggest that you pick up a few pointers on paragraphs. In particular, I'm talking about your dialogue. Normally speaking, whenever the dialogue changes from one character to another, you would start a new paragraph. It just helps the reader to keep up and not get lost.

I found you thanks to @chekohler - who featured you in the Pay it Forward Curation contest. Keep up the great work!