How People With Major Challenges Seem to Draw Strength from Them?
Do you find meaning, or do you forge them?
The writer, Andrew Solomon latest book was about how families manage to deal with challenging or unusual offspring. One of the mothers he has interviewed had 2 kids with multiple severe disabilities. The mother said
My children are not preordained as gifts. They're gifts because that's what we've chosen.
We make those choices all our lives.
Andrew is a gay American. He never went to the school cafeteria where he was laughed at for sitting with the girls for doing so. And he was laughed at for sitting with the boys when he should sit with the girls.
One of the school kids on his bus nicknamed him "Percy" as a symbol of his appearance. They chanted "Percy, Percy, Percy" the entire school bus ride, 45 minutes to and fro.
Andrew survived his school life with avoidance and endurance. He do know now that avoidance and endurance could be the gateway to forging meaning.
Andrew's mantra is Forge meaning, Build identity.
Forge meaning is creating reasons behind every event that unfolds in our lives. They're never "unfortunate". They always happen for a reason that you may not see it right now.
Build identity is make traumas become a part of who you've come to be and turn those events into narrative of triumph, revealing a better self in response to hurtful things.
When we're ashamed, we can't tell stories. And stories are foundations of our identity.
By Andrew Solomon
Looking back at people who have inspired me with their stories of failure and them bouncing back, and they're gratefulness for failures have shaped them who they are today. They shared their stories to the world. That is Forge meaning, Build identity. That is how they draw strength from major challenges.
Andrew has triggered a memory in me.
My 6-week China internship screwed up half way.
Image Source
The project closed down 2 weeks later and volunteers like me had to choose to go back or go to another projects. All of the volunteers chose to stay in China and go sightseeing. And I had to make a choice.
To go back, or go sightseeing or continue volunteering.
I've taken the road less traveled, I chose to continue volunteering. I went down south, to Guangzhou, alone to begin my new project with a new bunch of awesome volunteers.
Picture taken by me
Looking back, I am a person of purpose, and reasons are my primary motivations and direction. I am grateful that I adhered to my purpose and chose to volunteer because that's what I'm here for. I am not here to sightseeing.
That event has challenged me to stay true to my purpose, my values. It could've marked the beginning of my journey in searching for my purpose.
Forge meaning, Build Identity
Create meaning out of hurtful (or non hurtful) events and make it a part of you, a part of your triumph. Tell stories about them, how they've made you who you are today.
What meanings would you forge from your past traumas?
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Very awesome sharing ! I love this quote : stories are foundation of our identity.
Thank you very much @janicechua. Yeah, sharing your stories are really awesome! Listening to other people's stories is even more awesome, you wouldn't know what the other person has gone through.
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