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RE: The Wizards betrayal – A Concept Fantasy Story - Part One
Interesting start :)
Pro-tip: for online just call them chapters or parts or something, as the "page" can go on forever unlike in a print book ;D Also, pick a tense, you switched from past to present for a little bit halfway through.
After that it's a bunch of little grammatical things. You started and finished at good points though, nice hook to draw people in to see what happens, and then leave them hanging for the next section :)
Thanks for the great tips - hopefully helpful to other inspiring writers who see this as well
I have:
-updated to part one vs. page one
-had a shot at fixing pass vs present ...its really hard.
-people would have to accept poor grammar etc, i figure if the story is engaging they might excuse.
Cheers
I can crit this one more if you want crit (I went really light and super easy because I'm not sure XD), or you could look into the Writer's Block group if you really want to get better. But I won't spoil your fun if you just want to write :)
I'm not sure yet to be honest.. kind of just trying to see if I can write an interesting story I guess; perhaps let me play a bit and I'll yell out for some more crit :)