Shipwreck Creative Writing Challenge - Round One
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The ferry was going to Semarang, a beautiful city on the north coast of the Java island, Amanda and Rayan ran towards the sale of tickets, there were a lot of people queuing, but that did not matter. They looked like two teenagers, their adventurous spirits taking over them with the excitement of newly married couples. Then they realized that there were too many people standing on the line, and that they would have to wait and travel on another ferry, since that day the Senopati Nusantara was the only ship that sailed for the Java island.
The newlyweds were disappointed, but at that moment an Indonesian native approached them with a broken, but understandable English, he told them he could get them two tickets, Rayan took him by the arm and they went to a place somewhat removed from the tumult, after haggling, Rayan got the tickets. He looked for Amanda who was sitting on a small bench, her husband showed her the tickets with a mischievous smile as he told her that the tickets also covered the cost of a small cabin. Amanda jumped hugging him, they were going to be able to leave on that very same day to the island. They immediately went to the hotel to pack their bags hastily.
When they returned to the port, they made their way among the people, who seemed to have multiplied, but managed to embark on the ferry. Inside the ship there was much discomfort, the couple noticed that the ship lacked many things, but they were interested in reaching the island, after an hour of embarking the ship sailed to the waters of the Indian Ocean. Despite the bustle and discomfort on the boat, Amanda and Rayan were having a lot of fun; On the deck of the ferry, a couple of natives with a girl made an improvised acrobatic show, the man took the child with his feet and gave her violent turns as if she were an object, but what had impressed Amanda so much was that when the girl was driven by the man's feet she was taken by the woman who did the same dangerous maneuver, Amanda hid her face on Rayan's chest, he smiled.
Then another group began to play with a series of metal objects collected on the ferry, a series of sounds that at first seemed noisy, but after a while they began to harmonize producing a relaxing music called Javanese gamelan. Amanda already knew this music very well and it relaxed her, but Rayan did not like it that much, however seeing Amanda enjoying the music, he pretended to like it. Amanda realized his discomfort and said "you do not like it", then Rayan bursted out laughing, shaking his head to say no, Amanda laughed with him giving him a soft tap on the shoulder. The couple had a heavenly afternoon, and as the sun was falling in the distance, they went to the bow of the boat to see how the reddish disc filled the clouds in a chrome blue sky that gave way to the night and to the dim and fixed lights of the heaven, it was a wonderful sight that the newlyweds enjoyed to the fullest.
In the cabin Amanda and Rayan loved each other, a love gave way to an uncontrollable fervor and passion they had for one another. While lying on the bed they both smoked the mint cigarettes that Amanda liked so much as she was used to smoke them frequently while writing her fiction stories. They talked about their immediate future, they were adventurous, passionate and did not like to think much about the long term future, they lived every moment with great intensity. The discomfort of the ferry and the noise that had been due to the excess of passengers did not bother at all to the young pair of tourists who slept peacefully. At midnight Rayan got out of bed and a strong movement of the ship made him fall, Amanda got up quickly to see what had happened to her husband, but it had been nothing, just a small blow to the head, " it was more the sound than the blow," said Rayan rubbing the back of his skull, but the movement of the ferry continued very violently, some people began to be alarmed and their voices later became shouts, a strong storm lashed the boat and they had not noticed until they left the cabin. They climbed to the deck as quickly as they could, all the people were frightened and stumbled into each other, a man with a megaphone tried to calm them down and organize them, but it was useless, the huge ups and downs of the ferry caused people to lose their balance.
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Rayan watched as great waves hit the ship, water came from the sky and the sea and the boat began to fill with water, some men tried to drain the water, but it didn't worked. Rayan and Amanda hugged each other tightly when they saw that a wave much larger than the previous ones was threateningly approaching the ferry, it was like a big black mouth trying to swallow them; the impact was direct and strong on the structure of the ship, it tilted it to such an extent that it almost sank immediately, the boat held and tried to swing, but there was no possibility, incandescent flames went everywhere as the ferry sank , Amanda and Rayan remained clinging tightly to each other, they watched as men, women and children fell into the stormy waters of the ocean, the dark night was illuminated by the lightning that fell to the sea and by the intense fire that embraced the ship, the crew tried by all means to take the few lifeboats that they had, but these were destroyed by the blow of the waves and the internal explosions of the ship. Amanda and Rayan embraced and threw themselves into the dangerous waters.
The ship finally sank, the newly married couple were good swimmers and they stayed together in the water, but the turbulence of the sea was very strong, hundreds of people and objects floated in the black waters, then the few who still swam looked with amazement to the sky, they saw how a great wave fell to them, the sea without mercy swallowed them all sending them to the dark depths of their entrails. Some managed to get out, among them Amanda, who shouted desperately for Rayan's name, they were screams that were drowning too, not in the waters, but in the sound of the disturbing whistle of the wind.
Amanda, exhausted could not swim anymore and preferred to let herself sink into the sea, but an instinctive impulse made her come afloat again, she took a breath and felt something softly touched her back, turned, and with horror realized that it was a woman who floated drowned with her skull destroyed, the impression was so strong that she lost consciousness and began to sink, suddenly someone grabbed her and brought her to the surface; this person managed to hang her on to a large piece of wood from the wreckage of the ferry, Amanda even unconscious heard a voice shouting "Amanda do not die, resist," she heard this again and again. The voice seemed to come, not from the outside, but from her own mind, the intensity of the voice increased more and more, until she woke up, she opened her eyes and was aware of where she was, beside her was a man lying on the floating piece, his face was hidden between his arms layered in the wood, and the other part of the body submerged in the water, "Rayan, is it you?" she asked looking at her savior, but he did not raise his head, so with his soft, wrinkled hands she tried to lift his head, he reacted and looked at her, but to his disappointment he saw that it was not his beloved Rayan, Amanda began to cry, and her tears seemed to calm the fury of the storm.
A boat of the coast guard managed to save several people who were still alive on the waters, almost on the verge of fainting. Among the survivors of the shipwreck of Senopati Nusantara was the fiction writer Amanda, they also managed to get many corpses from the sea but they couldn't find Rayan's, his body is still missing.
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Did you submit this to the writer’s block for editing? You have some great stuff here and with editing, this would be a very good story. The writer’s block will help you with the “show don’t tell” and with small stuff like punctuation. Some of your descriptions are SO GOOD! You have great potential as a writer! Good luck in the competition!
Thank you very much, this comment made my very happy!
I actually usually finish just on time, so I haven't had the opportunity to submit it on the writer's block... Maybe for the third round I'll be able to do finish with some days to spare and have it reviewed, I know that my writing is lacking, specially since english is not my first language.
Thank you for the advice.
Read the story! You have high chances for a good result. Let's see what the jury decides soon. I will publish the prompts for the new round later today.
Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I really did my best writing this story and I hope you all liked it.
Excellent my friend @rnunez09. Congratulations!.