A Depression Odyssey - Chapter 7 of 10
Chapter 7 - The Priest
Lempo remained quiet the entire ride to the church. His mind was filled with dark thoughts of his postponed suicide. He assumed it would only be right to see Eflen go before it was his time to go. Even while facing the eventuality of leaving this world, the misery did not leave Lempo; in fact it made the misery and pain worse, seeing the reality of how little people actually knew each other and how purposeless the world seemed at the moment. What was the purpose for Eflen’s death? Or better yet, what was the purpose for her short life? What was her, or anyone’s, life meant to accomplish? Nothing, it seemed to Lempo. Life had no purpose; it was just something that was full of misery; so, was this misery the purpose of life? Or was a life with no purpose what made life miserable? Or maybe being miserable is what this world offers and this is separate from there being no purpose in life. Either way you saw it, Eflen lived a miserable life until the end, while living a life with no purpose. This made Lempo despair and become angry with a world that produced living beings who are destined to walk about life aimlessly, full of misery and pain that will never subside until they are gone from this world.
No one spoke as they arrived at the church. Eflen’s parents walked quietly toward the church until the mother saw Lempo sit on a bench outside the church doors. She asked, “What are you doing Lempo? Are you not coming in?”
Lempo responded, “No, I don’t really like hearing all that religious stuff. But don’t worry, I won’t leave.”
“Please join us Lempo; Father Plesta is a very sweet person, I’m sure you’ll like him. He loved Eflen very much, and she him. She would’ve wanted you to be in there.”
“Okay, I guess it can’t be so bad,” Lempo said reluctantly and they three continued walking past the open wood doors.
As Lempo walked in, he saw the beautiful images of the saints. In the far end, toward the ceiling, he saw the usual image of the bony man nailed to a small cross with a look of triumphant indifference on his face. He noticed the casket had already been brought into the church and noticed the priest, dressed all in black, staring into the casket. It had been years since he had entered a church and the archaic air of the entire scene made Lempo think, “It’s amazing how people crowd into depressing places such as this, full of images of dead people. Places like this are supposed to take a person out of misery, but I don’t see it working. All the religious people I see are no different than anyone else, chasing after things that will not bring them happiness, things such as nice homes and lustrous careers, and they also do drugs, drink, and have sex trying to ease their misery, just like everyone else. They are only different in the things they talk about to others trying to make them believe they are religious, but their words speak of actions they know not how to perform. The symbols they wear, the music they hear, and the places/functions they attend, like this church, trying to find something they obviously don’t find because when they go home, they act like any other human being, trying to escape their misery. Even the person they worship helps to prove my point since he died in misery.”
Lempo went to sit down on an empty pew close to the back of the church. Eflen’s mother looked back searching for Lempo. As her eyes caught his, she gave him a thankful nod and turned to the priest, who was still looking into the casket.
As more people arrived and the noise in the church grew louder, the priest finally turned to meet the crowd. What Lempo saw left him with an open mouth; the priest was the same man he had been talking to at the laundromat just the day before. What a coincidence thought Lempo, could it really be the same person he had that amazing conversation with? But his recognition of the man was not the only thing that amazed Lempo; as the priest exposed his face, he did not hide the fact that it was full of tears as they fell to the ground. Lempo noticed the casket was wet, but he hadn’t realized that it was due to the priest shedding tears. What he heard of the priests love for Eflen must have obviously been true and somehow it stirred an emotion in Lempo. His plan in tuning out whatever the priest had to say changed. The day before, the priest had carried on a very interesting conversation, so it would not be wise to ignore his speech. And besides, anyone who expressed their love for his precious Eflen, as the priest did, deserved his attention. Lempo mused to himself, “Why do you not judge this man as you did the others who also said they loved her; is it because he is wearing a holy uniform?” So Lempo decided to pay attention, since the day before he had enjoyed the priest’s conversation.
The priest proceeded to greet the people at the front as Lempo continued to stare at him. Eventually, Lempo caught the priest’s eye and he gave Lempo a wide smile and a nod. Lempo could see a faint twinkle in his tear-filled eyes. When everybody was fully seated, the priest walked to the casket, gave Eflen a kiss on the forehead, walked to the pulpit and stood in front of that ancient book known to all. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he looked around and said, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Mat 26:41). My flesh is weak and cries for our loss of the person who was Eflen, but my spirit rejoices as she enters eternal life with Jesus and God. But we, as believers in Christ Jesus, should be consoled with Paul’s words when he said in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, ‘But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with Him.’ Yes, it is natural for us to mourn for those we love who have fallen asleep and I will not take away anyone’s need for grief.”
“Who am I to tell anyone not to feel pain over the loss of this very special girl, Eflen. But what I can do is speak some words of consolation that Eflen would have approved of. And these words are not only for you, but for me as well, for it is easy to lose heart when someone so young and innocent is taken from us, even if it is only temporary. Yes, this is only a temporary loss. Some of you might be confused to hear this, so allow me to use the words Paul spoke in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 to explain, ‘For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.’ It is important to keep in mind that Eflen was not only a physical being who we could see and touch; no, she was also a soul with a spirit that gave her life. We cannot see the eternal soul; all we saw was Eflen’s temporary body. You may be asking yourselves how I can possibly know that Eflen would have approved of what I am saying about her. You may be asking yourselves if Eflen even believed what I am saying. I am here to assure you that Eflen did, in fact, believe in everything I have said.”
“Eflen, with her family, had been attending this church since she was a little girl. I still remember her sweet childish laugh, and I also remember her constant questioning.” Father Plesta half smiled as he said this and Eflen’s mother gave out a weak felt laugh. He continued, “She would ask the usual questions kids ask; where was God? Or, why did Jesus have to die like that? Or, one of my favorites was, what kind of fruit did Adam and Eve eat? At a young age, Eflen was very involved in the church, just like many other kids. It’s always soothing to hear a child’s voice singing for our Lord. And who can forget her performance in the many plays she participated in. It would always bring tears of joy to see the beauty of God’s creation represented in adorable performances of the children in the plays. I even remember the first time she performed and was hit with stage fright. After I gave her some words of encouragement, she went on to give a marvelous performance.”
“She was like any other young kid, joyful and happy. As she grew, she continued to come, but as the time passed, the fervor she had in attending began to wane; but her inquisitive nature never left her. She still had many questions, although they were now different. She began to question the beliefs she whole-heartedly had when she was a child. She would come to me asking if the flood really happened or if Noah really built an arc that could hold all the animals. She questioned the historical existence of Jesus and the actual existence of God. Like any other child bombarded with verifiable facts all day, she began to question the facts, beliefs, and stories that we believe through faith. Like many others before her, and for many others even now, the answers did not meet the standards she was used to; so she stopped attending, no longer able to be a part of something she had lost faith in or held the truth she was looking for. I had failed to tend to the sheep of my Lord and grieved very much for the loss of this strayed sheep.”
“I continued to ask her parents to bring her around, but they only succeeded on holidays or special events. Although, by that time, she was too busy with her other life that she didn’t pay any attention to me, or anyone else. But, as servants of God can only do so much, I left it to God, while still doing what little I could. I, like any other priest, chase after the strayed sheep and never give up. It’s hard to see the young ones become lost. So Eflen strayed, but a searching soul can only avoid God for so long. Less than three months ago, I was surprised to see Eflen sitting in a pew; she had the most miserable face and looked in despair. It grieved my soul to see her so sad. No one was around, for everyone had left, and it was already night. I was just on my way out when I spotted her. I quickly approached her and soon found out she was still full of questions. I will not go into detail on what we discussed, but I was able to conclude that she was so lost and lonely and could not find anything to console her. All the happiness and joy she had as a young child was gone. I could see the hopelessness in her eyes and, at that moment, I knew what God wanted me to do.”
Staring straight in Lempo’s direction, Father Plesta said, “Like many other teenagers, she was disillusioned with the life society had to offer, her poor social relationships, and all the things her parents expected from her. Eflen just wanted to be happy and she could not see how any of those things would be able to make her happy. A depression such as hers is inevitable when a person is distant from God and the faith, we as believers, hold. Scared of pushing her away, I imparted her with some well-meant wisdom I’ve acquired through age. It is not easy for a mind immersed in this world to accept, or even comprehend, the mystery. My advice must have helped, for the next day she returned; and it continued like this for a few more weeks. I did see some improvement in her demeanor, but she was still restless and her mind continued to be filled with depressing thoughts.”
“Worldly wisdom can only go so far, did not Paul say in 1 Corinthians 3:19, ‘For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.’ With the wisdom I imparted, she came back thirsty, so now I thought it was time to give her the wisdom of Jesus Christ our Lord, and with this, she will never thirst again, because Jesus told us in John 4:14, ‘But the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.’ So I began to talk to her about the scriptures. All those other times she attended church, she had heard the scriptures, but I soon came to realize that she never understood what was said.”
“Over the next few weeks of talking with her, I knew she thought that there must be something more than material gain or social success, but she was not sure what this more was. Knowing this, one of the first scriptures I shared with her was John 6:27 where Jesus says, ‘Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life…’ She heard and knew the words I said, but did not understand them; so I began to explain how they related to her situation. It is not easy to talk to young teenage girls about these things, especially in these times, but because of times like this, it is necessary to do as Paul explained in 1 Corinthians 9:22, ‘I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.’ In order for a teenage girl to understand me in this day in age, I became a teenage girl of this age. This might sound weird, but it is a task a minister must learn in order to be successful.”
“Indeed, I was successful and a month ago she became a wholehearted believer. She finally understood and had the faith needed to be saved; and this is how I know she would have wanted me to give you these words of consolation, because she believed them to be true through faith. So rest assured because Eflen believed and Jesus in John 5:24 says, ‘Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.’ Hearing this, we should know Eflen has not died, but gained everlasting life.”
“Yes, Eflen suffered, but not in the manner that you might think. Her mind was still troubled by what she thought society and her parents expected of her and her social relations, but now the will to maintain these two things was at odds with her new will to love God. Two scriptures in particular bothered her. The first is found in 1 John 2:15, ‘Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.’ And the second scripture that troubled her was from James 4:4, ‘Know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.’ Eflen’s disillusionment with the world increased and, with this, her despair of having to live in this world. So do not think she died while in a hopeless depression, no, on the contrary, she was full of hope and has gained eternal life, not death. It is said in 1 Corinthians 15:54-55, ‘So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
“I, like Eflen, have faith in these words and use them to console my flesh and soul, so as not to mourn Eflen’s death, but to rejoice in her victory over death, with our Lord Jesus Christ. But unfortunately I am still in this natural body and shall mourn for a little longer. Does it not say in Ecclesiastes 3:1, ‘To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heaven.’ And 3:4 says, ‘A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.’ And right now it is most definitely a time to mourn, for our loss is still fresh and the words I’ve said need time to settle in and stir the soul; in due time we’ll understand that losing Eflen is only a temporary loss for us, but it is an eternal gain for God.”
Lempo listened to every word Father Plesta spoke, but did not know what to make of it. He hadn’t spent much time thinking about God or the Bible; in fact, he never thought about those things. Why would he? He spent most of his conscious attention on his phone, or on the television. And when he wasn’t occupied with these things, his attention would go to school studies, shopping, or other daily routines, so there was no time left to spend thinking about archaic and arcane topics like religion and God; only fanatics did that. In all honesty, Lempo thought everything Father Plesta said was absurd. How could he say Eflen was asleep or still alive eternally, if she was obviously laying in the casket dead. What kind of meat gave you everlasting life; if there was such a thing, everyone would be eating it. None of it made any sense. Not even the parts about Eflen’s conversion and belief in these crazy ideas. Wouldn’t she have told him about this life changing experience? Why wouldn’t she have wanted him to know about her crazy belief in a long dead guy who said all those absurd things the Father quoted? Was she afraid of how he would have reacted? Lempo sat there thinking, “How would have I reacted?”
The people started to clear the church and Eflen’s body was carried outside, toward a cemetery that was close by. As Lempo followed the group of mourners, he took one last glance at the figure on the cross and said, “Poor fellow, even you who spoke uplifting, optimistic words, died like the rest of us; in misery and alone.”
The sun still shone bright outside, but inside Lempo, there shone nothing but darkness. A darkness that not even the sun could bring light to. Lempo thought that by this time he would already have been approaching the doors of death. He wanted to be liberated from the pain he was in, and every moment he saw the young corpse of Eflen being paraded for everyone to see, it made the pain that much more unbearable. He looked around and saw the crowd of people following the casket to the cemetery. Everyone seemed to be crying and wearing sullen faces, showing a hypocritical suffering.
While he walked toward the back, glaring at all the people, he thought, “How many of these miserable people actually feel sadness right now and how many are just portraying sadness, because that’s what they feel they must do? It doesn’t seem like any of these people believed a word that came out of the preacher’s mouth. If they did believe, they would obviously be rejoicing, instead of mourning Eflen’s death. A part of me would like to believe what he said, but there is no proof for anything that deranged man said. All these people know, as well as I do, that Eflen is lost to us forever and only her memory will remain.”
Walking into the cemetery, Lempo gazed at the multitude of empty plots of land, wondering which one he would be buried in; maybe he wouldn’t even be in this cemetery. Most likely they would think he killed himself because of Eflen’s death, so as a Romeo and Juliet sentiment, his parents would go with this cheesy plot and bury them close to each other. Knowing the conclusion people would draw from his suicide, after Eflen’s death, disgusted Lempo, but at least it would save him the trouble of leaving a letter. Or should he still write a letter? Maybe his parents deserved that much; would they understand that he was the brave one for not wanting to live in a misery-filled, lonely world, where he was destined to be unhappy, no matter how much money or prestige he acquired. A world where his only consolation, his phone, was deceiving him into thinking he wasn’t lonely and unknown. No matter how many friends, or followers, he had and videos he watched, at the end of the day he was just as lonely and miserable as before; and no well-paid career or nice house was going to change this. Hopefully his parents understood that the misery they themselves felt every day is what Lempo was brave enough to escape, while they preferred, to no avail, to find happiness.
Arriving at the hole that would be Eflen’s final resting place, Lempo saw the priest taking one last look at her face. The parents soon followed, which drove Eflen’s mother over the edge, with no way to comfort her. The realization that she would never see her baby girl again finally set in, causing her to act as any mother would. A gentle hug from her husband and some kind words from the priest seemed to calm her enough, although it was obvious she was inconsolable.
Now seemed to be the time for mourning, for everyone had begun to shed tears and wail openly. As the people slowly regained their composure, Father Plesta stood over Eflen’s closed casket, suspended over the open grave, and took out that ancient book of wisdom.
After a short prayer, which Lempo paid no attention to, Father Plesta began to speak, “It always pains me to see someone so young be buried. I know that no words of consolation can staunch the pain you feel in your hearts, or the mourning you need to let out; so, instead I will honor Eflen’s life by using it as an example for all of us to follow. There is one piece of scripture which, I believe, represents Eflen’s life more than any other,” all the while he was staring directly at Lempo, “The verse is Matthew 5:3 where Jesus begins the sermon on the mount saying, ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ To be poor is to be lacking; and someone who is lacking in spirit is someone who lacks a purpose to live. Someone’s purpose in life is only realized when they attain a relationship with God. So, although the majority of the people are poor in spirit, they believe in their heart that they are nothing of the sort, and therefore in their mind, they are not poor in spirit. These people equate spirit with wealth, worldly knowledge, prestige, or self-righteousness, and being rich in these they can’t see that they are poor in spirit. This verse is for the people who know they are poor in spirit and can relate to the result of this realization, which is expressed in the very next verse, ‘Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.’”
“Eflen acknowledged that she was poor in spirit; she knew there was something missing in her life and recognized that no phone or any amount of wealth, or a degree from an Ivy League school, or even a respectable career was going to fill this missing void in her life. She felt there had to be something more to life than what her parents, teachers, or peers told her. But the problem was that she did not know what this void was or could be; and this is why she mourned, because she felt hopelessly miserable. But Jesus offers hope to the poor in spirit who mourn their condition, because he understood the way to salvation. Only a person, such as Eflen, who has realized they are poor in spirit, and is mourning for their poorness, can be cleansed of their scales and begin to acknowledge the existence, and need, of the kingdom of God.”
“Eflen could see past the fame and glamour the world offered and was able to see the vanity in all the worldly pursuits of the people around her. This naturally led to her depression and loneliness, and to most people, like you and I, a person in this state is not stable and must have some kind of mental illness, but this is far from the truth. A person with depression, such as Eflen, should not be pitied; instead they should be envied because, unlike the majority, who are comfortable in their poorness of spirit, they are at the threshold of a spiritual awakening. Anyone who does not have a relationship with God is inevitably going to be miserable and have a certain feeling of loneliness, but unlike Eflen, who dwelled in this misery until it manifested into depression and hopelessness, most people mask this misery with drugs, alcohol, pills, sex, attaining wealth or power, or occupying all their time with work; and in doing this, they hold back their longing for God.”
“In these days it is not cool or rational to fulfill this longing for God; this is especially the case with our young generations and this is causing an epidemic of incurable depression in our young kids. Eflen should be an example for us all; while everyone around her was holding back their depression and disillusion with the world by turning to every which vice and addiction or living through their phones, Eflen was seeking a permanent cure to her depression and even though it might not seem like it, she received it. Eflen refused to console her depression with drugs, alcohol, or her phone and allowed it to run its painful course; this led her to return to the church, where I found her in this depressed state, seeking a way out for good, not only a temporary way out, like most kids her age.”
“The choice Eflen made was not an easy one and this is why her life should be an example for the rest of us. Yes, I know that in the end she succumbed to her depression and this attempt to temporarily escape her pain led to her untimely death, but it is important to remember that this depression was not the same one as the one that originally led her to the kingdom of heaven. No, this was a depression brought upon by something entirely different than being hopeless and lost in this world; this was a depression manifested by being an outsider. Jesus warned us of this when he said in John 15:19, ‘If ye were of the world, the world would love its own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.’ This hatred from the world is not an easy thing to get used to, and for many young believers, it can lead to feelings of misery and depression for having to live in a corrupted world that hates them. Eflen’s depression was righteous, not a hopeless one. Besides this depression, there was one thing always on Eflen’s mind; this was everlasting life with her savior, Jesus Christ. I know this to be true, not only because she told me, but also due to something her parents told me. When the paramedics found Eflen, they noticed she was holding something in her right hand; this is what they found.” The priest took out a rosary from his pocket and showed it to the people, while tears ran down his cheeks. He continued, “Not even in her last moments did Eflen forget her salvation, nor the living God who saved her.”
“Eflen has affected our lives in a lot of ways; to some she was a respectful daughter, to others a good friend, or a loving girlfriend,” again he turned to Lempo. Facing the general crowd again he said, “She brought us love, care, affection, unforgettable laughs and her beautiful smile. For me, she brought hope and revived my faith; yes, even I get confused sometimes, but Eflen helped me get back on the narrow path. To some here, she will be a fading memory, but to most, her special personality and love will continue to affect us for the rest of our lives. To us, she will always be a beautiful young girl with a strength and faith like no other. To God, she was once the prodigal child who was lost in her questioning, but now her questions have been answered and she has returned back to him and all of heaven rejoices for the return of their lost child.”
“Know it is with much flesh-filled pain that I announce it is time to say goodbye to the corruptible body of Eflen.” As he said this, many in the crowd began to weep and cry out in their sorrow. “Before we say our last goodbye, I have some final words from Psalm 30:5 to share with you, ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.’ With this, the priest gave a slight nod for the casket to be lowered and Eflen’s mom ran toward the coffin in a fit of hysteria. Before she could jump on top of the coffin, Eflen’s dad was able to grab a hold of her. As she was crying uncontrollably in her husband’s arms, Lempo broke out of his trance as he was listening to the priest’s every word.